Forget self-help books, learn how to read fiction properly

I've wanted to make this video for a while, after being often told fiction wastes your time, and being recommended endless self-help books. I do recognise it's a function of my niche and the people I'm surrounded by that everyone feels so strongly self-help books are amazing and fiction is a waste of time, but because I strongly feel the opposite, I just had to get this off my chest 😅

To make your life easier:
0:00 Intro
1:31 Why self help sucks: It's the Thought That Counts
3:47 What about Beauty?
5:45 How to Read: Method 1, For the Record
7:21 How to Read: Method 2, Hold that Thought
8:30 How to Read: Method 3, Cover to Cover

If you want to stay in touch:

Or leave a comment, I (try to) answer 100% of comments :)

[GolfSidekick]

your greatest talent, is being able to speak in 1.5x Youtube speed without me speeding up the video

[_knitch]

Self-help books can be instructive, but stories are transformative. Sometimes I feel like the knowledge I collect merely floats in space, until the right story comes along and gives it a precise orbit. One such moment happened just a few months ago when I read The Karamazov Brothers. Such an incredible, life-changing book.

[Yosri]

Self help books are great, just choose one book to read per year, you don't have to read 20 books on self-help, that's not the point, knowing a new concept/philosophy from a self-help book, then having the time to apply it in real life, this is the goal!

[khalilahd.]

I love a good self help book (I’m obsessed with Atomic Habits and Can’t Hurt Me) but I’ve also learned so many incredible lessons from fictional books as well 🙏🏽

[unknown-k]

I guess self-help as a concept is good and geniune but when it comes to the the self-help industry then all you find is people selling snake oil..

[LillyJeanne]

I feel that a well written novel with conflicted characters where I can follow their path through the difficulties of life often helps me more to understand struggles in my own life than an abstract self help book. While I have read a few excellent books that would probably qualify as self help, the majority of what I have seen / read in that field was mediocre at best.

[Traditz]

there is some science to this. We learn best when we engage our five senses with a problem we face, make mistakes and succeed from our challenges. in books, movies, shows etc allows us to emulate the experiences/challenges of these fictional/non-fictional characters through their stories. In a way, the characters are teachers, by teaching through example. Well said Elizabeth

[Xarfax]

I remember reading a book that actually hit me on a nerve. To make a long story short I was subjected to gaslightning in an earlier relationship. Whenever she got angry and slapped me and things, she said it was I who was the problem, I made her do it etc etc.... And at the end I started to believe her, I really was that asshole.

Then many years after it was over I stumbled over a book about a person being subjected to the same sort of gaslightning. This person was living alone in a "pocket-universe" and had no recollection of who he was and how he got there. The only friend he had told him several times that he should not break out of that world and find something new. And if someone else was there, this new person is dangerous and should be avoided.
This book was Piranesi by Susanne Clarke. And I remember reading it and feeling my heart race! And when I was done with it, tears was rolling down my cheeks and I felt so happy! (because of the ending)

[siadat]

That’s why vlogs and life-update videos are popular. I love watching them for the people I follow, like Ali or yourself. I think people want to *see* for themselves how their respiring virtual friends react to, handle or survive the day-to-day struggles.

[ALifeofLearning]

GIRL this is such a good take on self-help vs. literature. I personally think both have great value. Literature indeed gives you more space to interpret life lessons yourself, whereas I do also really appreciate science-based self-help books that give practical tips based on scientific knowledge. But I loved how you gave tips for how you can use literature as a form of self-help.

[Unimportant]

After discovering your channel I've really come to appreciate the way you communicate your thoughts. I feel it strikes a very satisfying balance between the extremes I often see in feminine/masculine spaces where one side pushes "you are perfect just the way you are, you don't have to change a thing, everyone else are just blind to how amazing you are" while the other side pushes "you need to self immolate for success at all cost if not you'll become a loser" mentalities.

I've gone through a lot of different self help sources and I agree with you that the best lessons come from stories rather than instructions. It can take some extra brainpower to extract the value and meaning from stories, but the lessons you learn yourself are often more applicable to your own situation than strict guidance.

[MarisaAndChew]

I read a lot of thrillers as I find them relatable (I've had a lot of bad happen) and the recurring theme that stands out for me is to trust my instincts/gut. It rarely leads a person wrong.

[chadblair]

The novels of Jane Austen have always been a masterclass in human psychology and relationships, far superior to any analogous self-help books on the subject.

[adivnyjanko]

For me it's better when I see my fictional character dealing with different challenges in his life then just do this and don't do that, like in self-help books.

[BooksByAdrian]

I've always shared your opinion that fiction is as good or BETTER than self-help books, but I've never heard anyone put it quite so well! I'm immediately hooked on your channel. Who does your editing? This was outstanding

[AndrewWYT]

i fell into that trap of self help because i read a lot of the most popular books, with a lot of life theories to try out. There was so much knowledge i could take action on that i never did because there was so much. i like the method of holding that thought and trying to implement before moving on to anything else

[notablemind]

I am opposite, and it might have to do with a combination of my age and my temperament - I care about direct, blunt and straight to the point and I don't care much for "story telling" any more. The most influential books for me were some accounting textbooks, business case studies, analog circuit design, and my year 2 electromagnetism textbook. I also like reading the "summaries" of books written by sales people (these are basically self help books, teaching you how to negotiate, how to improve confidence in situation of high uncertainty, tactics to deal with various stereotyped characters in business etc...). I also love listening to lectures of history professors explaining the people and circumstances that led to certain historical developments (eg. I regret reading War and Peace... it was more enjoyable to study specific non-dramatized circumstances and whatever evidence we have to support it). I love studying music theory and creating my own music...music is basically geometry for the ears because it's greatly grounded in math and biology. I enjoy lectures of data scientists designing AI and ML systems that can compose music for humans to enjoy. I also like reading the research reports of psychologists, then speak to audiences I have access to to validate the findings (this is the only time I enjoy stories, when i hear them directly from real people, because I can feel their emotions).

Fiction isn't completely off the radar for me, and I might return to it some day if my views on fiction change. But generally, I prefer direct, blunt, dry facts over any statements that are too open to interpretation. If you have something to say, then say it. Don't fluff it up. By keeping things as simple and as direct as possible, you make it easier for people of other cultures to access the same information. Societies around the world can learn so much from each other, so if we keep our information as plain and direct as possible, it greatly increases the ease of access.

Again, this is my personal preference, so everyone is different! Keep it direct and factual for greater accessibility and retention!

[drebugsita]

Wow, truly mind opening! Maybe why I've been so down - relying on self-help books and therapy and inadvertently depriving myself of the arts. Watching this after your video on Naval and his point that the opposite of depression is play.
It is a bit ironic giving this information critiquing self-help in a YouTube self-help form 😅. But it works. Thank you!

[JoseGarcia-vrmx]

This is one of the reasons why I feel like there is gold in fiction. Great points Elizabeth, keep it up!

[elijahbuscho]

I think the real key is that you need both. It's not enough to learn rules, you need to be able to apply them to experiences, or stories. But also it's not enough to mindlessly enjoy stories without working hard to extract lessons from them.