Using Attachment Theory with MASTER Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson | Being Well Podcast

Dr. Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), joins Dr. @RickHanson and me to explore how insights from attachment theory can transform our relationships. We discuss how attachment theory provides a map for understanding relationships, the challenges of making skills learned in therapy stick, and the role of vulnerability in creating authentic and fulfilling relationships. In this episode you'll learn how to use insights from attachment theory and EFT to create secure and emotionally healthy relationships.

Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
1:50 Why Sue created Emotionally-Focused Therapy
9:00 Relationships as bonds not bargains
12:35 The amygdala and getting relationship skills to stick
17:15 What it feels like to be in a bonding conversation
25:50 The dance of relationship, validating vulnerabilities, and “finding the raw spot”
30:30 Having good modeling of a bonding conversation
31:20 Changing the way you relate to yourself
36:10 Where EFT is useful vs. Internal Family Systems
38:35 “The Amygdala Whisperer”
40:40 Relating with the inherent core of every being, and naming helplessness
45:40 Communicating how much you care about and value others
51:40 Individualism, and getting comfortable with vulnerability
59:05 Recap

About our Guest: Dr. Sue Johnson is a clinical psychologist, researcher, professor, and the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a widely used and respected approach to couples therapy. She is considered one of the foremost experts in the field of attachment, and has received numerous awards for her contributions to the field of psychotherapy. Dr. Johnson is also the author of seven books, including the best-selling Hold Me Tight.

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[ForrestHanson]

I was deeply saddened to hear that Dr. Johnson passed recently after three years of living with cancer. In addition to being an absolute legend in the field, Sue was one of the most authentic and kind people I've had the privilege of meeting while doing the show. She had an incredible intelligence, wit, and incisiveness to her that was matched by an equally good sense of humor. Sue changed many, many lives through her work, and I'm grateful for the short time we spent together.

[Morale_Booster]

When Sue said "she's not depressed, she's heartbroken" it broke me into tears. I feel we don't have enough valid words in English to describe our pain and still have it taken care of. "Heartbreak" has this taste of temporary immaturity, like a teen after a breakup. But it really is so deep and describes the grief of our inner child. Thank you so much Sue for your great work

[erindabney]

Every time I listen to a video with Dr. Johnson, I cry and cry. Of all the therapists I’ve gone to and seen in the media, it seems like she’s the ONLY one who honestly believes and understands that humans are relational beings. All the other ones seem like they’re just paying lip service to this idea because so many people are struggling emotionally now.

It’s so hard to exist in this world where every relationship has been forced into transactions.

I wish I could find someone to interact with in person who isn’t subscribed to the extreme individuality of western culture.

[jamiesonlittle]

As a UK trained Family & Systemic Psychotherapist who has been training in EFT and using this approach over the last 18 months, I have been absolutely blown away by the results and the difference EFT has made to the individuals, couples and families I have used it with. Attachment theory is still predominantly used as a diagnostic tool, to label and diagnose. The EFT approach finally offers us a practical psycho-therapeutic approach to be able to support clients in pro-actively building connection and strengthening bonds between couples and family members.

We should not under-estimate how challenging it must have been for Sue to pursue and develop these ideas in the face of challenge and ridicule by her colleagues. There was simply no room for emotion and attachment in the 1990s within family therapy. Thank you Sue, for persevering in developing this approach in the face of being sidelined and ignored for so long.

[trueUncleJunior]

I am heartbroken to hear that Sue has left us. She has been battling cancer for the last 3 years but has given such great interviews.😢😢😢😢❤❤❤

[debrasnook]

18:55 the Dance... is the pattern to notice.
20:00 can we meet our vunerabilities and fear
23:00 the repair ( longing sadness grief ).
28:00 finding the raw spot
What do you say to yourself
33:30 - get secure with Self (dont share with partner yet)
The Client needs a new experience The Client needs a new experience
39:00 The Client needs a new experience not a new idea
42:00 What Blocks - focus track

[danielfroggatt]

This episode should win an award! I think I’ll have to listen to it twice

[JonPearson-mmcd]

I just found the therapist to save the love of my life, but sadly Dr Sue has passed. I know where to look now. So much of what she says resonates with me. Thank you chaps for an amazing interview, and thank you Sue for inventing EFT. It's the breakthrough we need.

[mickilicyes]

Such a wonderful interview! My husband and I have been married for 44 years and we are so close now. Having this information makes so many things clear about our struggles in our early years with each other. Thank you for this, so affirming.

[mer]

As a graduate student therapist in the midst of trying to carry the warring intellectualism, school training, real life experience, and attempt to trust my own presence in the room, this conversation was truly grounding and so so helpful!

[bethbarkman]

I am in the middle of becoming a therapist because I believe in this approach. I choked up and teared up through the whole thing and I almost never EVER have feelings like this. I realize how much EFT aligns with my soul.

[Sunshinysky]

I’m in tears with both heartbreak and hope after 30 years of marriage mostly doing the wrong dance. Thank you, Sue for becoming obsessed and understanding the emotions involved in this
delicate dance of bonding and our own unique being and fear.
Sue gets it and was able to articulate it for me! Grateful for a deeper understanding.🙏🏻

[MsGaella]

A truly excellent, life-altering interview. Forrest’s summary at the end was well done and helpful. Great work! Thank you.

[paddee]

I’m a coach focused on coming back to ones authenticity inner child work and attachment. This Is THE BEST interview. Dr. Sue Is incredible and aligns so much with the approach I’d like to take. I feel the same about the intellectualizing of the IFS parts. So for me this interview was so helpful and inspiring in how I want yo give to people. Thank you so much!

[nateschocolatecroissants]

I cried during this interview as I realized the pain I felt in my own relationships. Thank you for the interview, I will try reading Dr. Johnson's book.

[monicag]

Sue Johnson was an incredible Master healer with a gift to teach truth about attachment. I sobbed when I found out she had passed away the day she died. The compassion and truths she shared carried me through a very painful time in my life. Thanks for the superb interview that shares her incredible gift for healing. All three of you just built truth and knowledge and healing in this interview.

I'm currently working through Sue Johnson On-line EFT course. I'm looking forward to using this amazing interview to help our attunement to each other and to become better whispers to each others amigdalas!🥰💖😍💝💗💟

[joannamgodwin]

Yes our inner child work is essential !!!!

[Rose-zqwo]

WOW. Thank you so much for sharing this amazing interview. I didn’t realize how I emotional I would get by watching. When Rick mentioned The Runaway Bunny, the tears started flowing. I’ve read the book hundreds of times to my children but never did I see myself as that little bunny. I was never pursued by my own parents and I’m learning how much hurt that has caused me in my adult relationships. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[SarahGee]

Beautiful conversation! Very insightful to see the breakdown of what my therapist is doing 🤣👍🏼 I’m so blessed to have a therapist who can intentionally and methodically slow it down in my individual and couples sessions; compliments of the wonderful Dr. Johnson!! ❤🕊️

[mysticgardener]

The amygdala whisperer! Love it. Listening to this is in itself healing for me.