Classic Russian Jokes (in English) || Marika

• Holding hands:
- Rabinovich, I take off my hat to you! You and Sarah have been married for 30 years, but you always hold hands when I see you walking around the town.
- Well, if I lose my hold, she will surely buy something.

• Just the opposite:
Darling! – Wife grumbles, - I noticed that whenever you see a pretty woman, you forget that you are married!
Just the opposite, - Husband sighs, - Just the opposite.

• Fisherman's dilemma:
A fisherman complains to his friend:
- Bloody neighbor! When I go fishing, he goes to my wife. When I stay at home, he checks my fishnets.
• Silver spoons:
Rabinovich instructs his wife before the party:
- Don’t lay silver spoons on the table!
- Do you think the guests can steal them?
- No, I’m afraid they can recognize them!

• Chocolate:
Jewish grandson asked his Jewish grandpa to buy him a chocolate. So next time when grandpa visited his grandson, the latter asked:
- Grandpa, where is my chocolate?
Grandpa thought for a second and answered:
- Sorry grandson, there were no chocolates in the shop, only lollipops.
Next time the situation repeated. Finally, when grandpa once again answered that there were only lollipops in the shop, grandson said:
- Ok. Buy me a lollipop then.
Grandpa thought for a second and said:
- Remember, grandson, while your grandpa is still alive, you will eat only chocolates.

• Russian panacea:
Doctor: This medicine is from insomnia, this one is from nervous break-down, and also take this one from depression.
Patient: Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides vodka?

• The difference:
What is the difference between the Constitutions of the USA and USSR?” Both guarantee freedom of speech.”
“Yes, but the Constitution of the USA also guarantees freedom after the speech.”

• Russian, a Frenchman and an American:
A Russian, a Frenchman and an American argued who was the bravest man. The American said, "For example, we take ten cars of which one has no brakes. We throw dice, each of us gets a car, we drive on a mountain road. Afterwards one of us is in a hospital, and the other nine visit him there."

"That's nothing," the Frenchman said. "We choose ten girls and one of them has AIDS. We throw dice and each one of us gets a girl, and we make love to them throughout the night. Afterwards one of us is in a hospital, and the other nine visit him."

The Russian said, "We gather in an apartment, even though we know that one of us must be an informer. We tell political jokes throughout the night, and then nine are in jail, and one visits the nine there."

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Be happy and everything will be good, everything will be better. Love yourself, love your life, love every single minutes in your life.
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Your Marika!!!
Arrivederci and bye♡