AITAH for telling my fiancé’s kid I’m NOT HER MOM after she called me a “GOLD DIGGER WITH A UTERUS”?

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Dusty Thunder narrates stories from Reddit, follower submissions, and other sources and provides reactions.

AITAH for telling my fiancé’s daughter I’m not her mom after she called me a “gold digger with a uterus”?

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[jameegarland]

As a former sassy teenage girl, this is the best way to address her snark. It the language of the teen girls and it's the best way for her to feel and understand the vitriol that she dishes out.

[artemisdanae]

It’s wild that the dad let his daughter talk to op like that, and that HE wasn’t the one who clapped back.

[Flour-Child]

Dad is the AH. Why is the OP, who is a fiance, not a wife, and only now even meeting the extended family, apparently solo-parenting this kid who clearly isn’t excited about having her in her life?

The kid was let down by both parents.

[DevilsAdvocate]

15 is old enough to learn that there are consequences for your actions including the words you say. Dad is as bad of a parent as the mom for not stepping in and correcting his child and instead chastising OP

[josabby]

Even if a kid is really young like five or 7, and don’t really understand what they’re repeating, parents should still have them apologize because that’s how they learn.
A 15 year old definitely knows better. If the person who claps back when she says something hurtful is made to apologize, but the person who started the fight is not made to apologize, that’s how entitled boundary stompers are created.

[Lala-moonie]

I want to remind y'all that 15yr olds are a bit more aware than anyone is giving them credit for.

[tohrurikku]

My response to him would have been, "so is she repeating what you have been saying about me? Is that how you think about me? If it is only her mom saying this why have you not tried to counteract any of it? Why are you okay with her insulting me like this?"

OP also needs to sit down with her partner and step daughter. They need to find out what is going on in the daughter's head, discuss daughter going to therapy, talk about how he is not going back with her mom, mention that insulting OP is not going to help any, and maybe it may be best that if this keeps going on they may need to reduce the time she is with her bio mom.

[stephanieshupe]

NTA. The daughter set out to humiliate OP. Dad should be more upset that his daughter was comfortable enough to say something like that, and in front of the entire family. OP deserves respect. Therapy would help but if Dad doesn't take a stand for OP, I don't see this as a good relationship.

[cocalita]

NTA - Teenagers are notoriously smart at the mouth and oftentimes clapping back is the only language they understand.

[NicoleBrown-ocje]

The 15 year old aimed and fired. While she might be looking for Mum's approval, she has to learn that you can't do this stuff without consequence. Op does need to rethink this though.

[yamairad]

Let's normalize ending relationships because family members are trash. Be it MIL, a kid, sibling etc.

[taylerkolin]

If I think from the perspective of the 15 year old girl, she has Mom telling her that OP/future step mom doesn't care about her or like her, her gestures of care are disingenuous, and she's just after dads money (and probably implying that uterus is going to be used to make half-siblings that will replace her). Now she has future step mom reminding her that her mom doesn't care enough to step up to the plate and do the actual work of parenting. I think that at 15, while she could know better about a parent lying about the parent; that's also a time in life when the voice of insecurity can easily drown out reasonable thought and she has both of these adult women making points that the other doesn't like her and/or care about her and she should feel insecure in both relationships with these women. That's rough.

The 15 year old should have consequences, but there are so many options beyond 1) say nothing and smile OR 2) stoop to the level of the 15 year old and clap back with a deep cut about how she has no real serviceable mother figure.

If the engagement is relatively recent, combined with this being their first extended family get together; it's very possible that mom is getting jealous of them taking the steps of solidifying themselves as a family and ramping up the shit talk.
The "with a uterus" addition is really specific and odd and makes me think maybe Mom has some reproductive health issues that's also causing envy towards OP and she is definitely oversharing with her kid.

[miwawilliams]

Red flag I haven't heard (yet)... they've been together 4 years... he's the fiancé... but this is the *1st* time she's meeting extended family? 🚩🚩🚩🚩

[TrishasMotorhomeMadness]

I get shes a kid but shes 15 and this woman does everything for her NTA in my opinion the kid needed to know you show disrespect you get disrespect

[JemFabulous]

Dad definitely needs to talk to the daughter because she needs a serious attitude adjustment. But OP needs to leave this relationship whether Dad talks to his daughter or not. Nothing has changed in 4 years, it won't change in another 4

[ms.tdorsey]

NTA. Even his family thinks the child needed to be corrected. They only said maybe not harsh or about time...that says a lot. AH bio parents.

[emilybrinegar]

So nice of the daughter to throw mom under the bus with her. Dad needs to have a "come to Jesus moment" with daughter and mom, regardless of whether or not OP decides to stay.

[analyticalchick]

The bio mom got a hysterectomy? Also, does the dad really have gold to attract a gold digger? Usually gold diggers are 15 or more years younger.

[y.j.]

At any age that is incredibly unacceptable, and disrespectful, the dad should be absolutely ashamed of himself for allowing his daughter to say that to his fiancee! Parroted or not you 1000% know better at 15 years old especially when stepmom is such an important figure in the kid's life.

[mwhe]

Dad is the ah in this situation. She needs to break out of this situation.