The 3 KEY SIGNS That Relationship Will Last! (How To Find Love) | Lewis Howes & Jay Shetty

Why do some people stay in a relationship? People stay because they are in love obviously – but sometimes people stay because it’s convenient and they don’t want to waste the time they’ve already spent with that person. But is this really what makes you stay?

In this episode of On Purpose, we get to listen to Jay’s conversation with Lewis Howe where they talk about whether someone can stay in a relationship with someone for a very long time.

Key Takeaways:

00:00 Intro
02:46 Real love is different from the movies
05:13 Desire in relationships
06:50 The chase and pursuit
09:56 Why you don’t need to love one person for the rest of your life
11:14 The reason why people stay in a non-working relationship
11:56 Starting a relationship in therapy
13:16 Seeing life in seasons
14:05 Polyamorous relationships will not give you peace
18:37 Have a conversation about the relationship that you want
22:20 Relationships should be high engagement - low attachment
24:58 A long term relationship does not mean it’s a successful one
28:20 Life story vs. love story
30:18 Commitment
31:26 Stop bringing baggage into the relationship
33:21 What you can learn in a committed relationship
37:52 Removing sexual chemistry in the start of a relationship
42:12 Wanting to be in a relationship because you feel lonely
44:50 Learn what you want to do together
48:12 The different stages of relationships
50:26 Inner peace

[NathalieLazo]

“Stop trying to find the right person; be the right person. Instead of being with someone who makes you happy, first be someone who makes you happy.” – Jay Shetty 💛

[veragrig]

"If they're always with you, then they cant bring anything to you." this just changed a perception, thank you.

[SeanClarke]

My parents were together for 66 years. I never saw them argue, or even disagree about anything. My father adored my mother and did everything for her until he died.

[Csoli]

“Are we growing together, are we thriving together, and are we learning from each other?” Love this because these are important elements to have in a relationship to me.

[datingandgrand]

My bf and I have conversations on every topic. We are both planners by nature and prefer full transparency. He recently shared that a few nights ago he was in the middle of his evening prayer and began crying tears of joy. He proceeded to list all the things he is receiving from me and our relationship and what warmed my heart the most is when he said peace. I give him peace. We are both faith filled and I responded that God will see us through this and everything happening within this relationship is all blessings from His plan. Obviously, it's a daily decision we make to ensure others respect our relationship. So I'm enjoying your conversation on various topics. Thank you both and keep moving forward.

[jedilady]

Remove sex, money and if you can still be together, love each other and have some things in common without those, that means you have a real authentic true connection! The rest are just extra perks that makes things fun! 😉😉😉

[sylviareck-xykn]

Don't leave it to discussing your relationship ONCE a year! We have a weekly heart-to-heart-session - it seems like real work, which it is! But so worth it! We've only met in our early seventies, and believe in this practise so deeply.
The scheme: each one gets 30 minutes to talk about what he/she feels about the relaionship over the last 7 days (the listening partner is just listening, never commenting yet). Then it's " open commenting and discussion with open end".
So honest, conscious, connecting - simply so worth engaging in it regularly.
Try it with commitment - and you'll be reconnecting and nourishing your relationship.
It has become such an enriching habit we intend never to give up as it is so rewarding.

[mala]

This was so great. Would love to have the ladies (Rathi and Martha) included as well in the next episode to view their perspectives on topics such as this - to see how males and females look at values, relationships, etc differently/similarly. 💛

[sharonlampert]

You can never know another person - all people help you with their strengths and hurt you with their weaknesses.
True love is unconditional love. Unconditional love is real but rare. True love is self love - love from outside yourself is BONUS LOVE! You don’t find love, you create love!

[TheRainbowMagician]

“I’ve learned so much more being committed to one person than I think I would have being single for the last 10 years” I always had destination addiction, happiness is always in the next relationship, next job, next location and I finally decided to commit to a relationship for 3 years and the deep connection, growth and intimacy that brought even though it didn’t work out is something I will always be grateful for and we got to carry it into a beautiful friendship. Also I’m with someone now who even when it is hard or frustrating I just want to heal and repair it with him and rarely if ever find myself thinking it would be better with someone else.

[christinaashcroft]

I was married happily for 50 years with the same person. We had to change and understand that we were different people as we grew up and had our children. We had to find each other again and fall in love all over again but with the same person. We had arguments and had difference of opinion but we worked things out.
He sadly died when he was 71 and now I’m seeing a person who we love spending time together going out but nothing too heavy we are spiritually aligned but not a full relationship

[Makeupzised]

I like the high engagement, low attachment approach and checking in regularly to see if the relationship is going in a way where both people are happy or there's anything that could be improved. Super interesting and helpful. Thank you both ♥️

[tianiemitchell]

Yes. It is possible to have a long relationship with one person but it takes those two people to make it With Honor, respect, maturity, caring for the other as much as you care for yourself compassion, open-mindedness and expressing their passion to each other whenever possible.

[Melaniegallegos]

some videos on YT say that there's only 1 sign but i definitely do not agree with them - they say only sex expereince . yes, i mean it's important but really the only sign? no! and i love those that say that and then just take their spanish fly enhancer and say it was their energy but actually wasn't as we know now after those drops

[tugzsurf]

I have dated a lot in my life and learned if a man isn’t on the path like this video I’m not even considering them. This is how a healthy relationship should look; talking about all these things.
I do think if your standards are high choices will be slim and just know it’s better than being unhappy with someone who isn’t open to talks and a healthy relationship. Focus on yourself and heal and be who you want to attract. I think everyone should watch this video! Love you guys thank you! Great advice! ❤

[daudmoridiyah]

This conversation made me and my big sister had a 5 hours discussion. I think I learnt the whole wrong thing about relationships. And, this is a stepping stone for me. I am very grateful for this episode.

[carolinepostlethwaite]

Loved listening to you both. My marriage broke up after 24 yrs with a very messy & painful ending
Looking back I see my mistakes. I thought I could hold it together for both of us. Earlier we were mutually invested but for the latter years I knew my husband was not invested. It takes 2 wills. Mistake number 2 was that I didn't really hear him when he wanted out. I kept trying to convince him to stay. This destroyed my self esteem & really was not respectful to me or him.
In the end he totally sabotaged & killed our relationship so repair was not possible.
It really hurt & created more trauma to add too my childhood wounds of feeling unlovable & wanting my partner to heal with me. Here are my realisations 4 years later
Self respect & integrity are key to everything
Self love includes ALL parts of myself lovable or not lovable. I bring love & compassion to all parts but do my best to ACT from my most enlighten self
Wound healing takes time
Now I see that my husband was not as committed to openess & growth. He was spilling out his pain. That's where he was. I took it instead of setting boundaries so self betrayal.
Now I catch this in myself & am true to myself even if I may loose someone as a result
Those that stay stay because we are committed to growing together
Dating I'm very fussy. If I don't see we have potential for depth & integrity it's not for me
Meanwhile I have created a new & peaceful life. I'm building work that is fulfilling & heart centered helping others with their healing & spiritual journey.
I hope to write a book with the keys to wellness. That's still to come
My relationship with my grown up children has become healthier & deeper & I know my X & I are both commited to them.
I surround myself with loving supportive friends
I don't find myself fighting because there is so much more clarity & service to love. We can find our way without a fight. If a misunderstanding occurs there is quick repair so toxicity is very reduced.
All in all I'm so grateful for what I've learned from challenging or beautiful experiences in life & so grateful for these enlightening podcasts
Still have work to do overcoming my limited beliefs but now love & compassion leads the way not self hate

[gauravbhan]

'I need to think about it' is many people's way to not talk about a subject and ignore it completely.

[juliemidgley]

Thanks guys, brilliant conversation. I have been single for many years now, and only recently, did my best friend ask....are you lonely? My response was so easily answered, "no". I love my life, although the current conditions are extremely challenging. Regardless of all that I have lost, I absolutely love my life. In saying this, because I love all that I have(internally) sharing it with the right person would be blissful. Lewis, you hit it on the individual should have their own lives, passions, goals, and then come home to share. I would say that my current value is simple it's love. Love, compassion, and all aspects of health. Mind, body and spirit. ❤

[thesherdou]

It is truly amazing that two men can actually be so self aware and have this amazing conversation about their love life! I am so grateful that you have this podcast and willingness to share and be vulnerable! I so agree that being in therapy first is such a rich idea shows that you are committed to yourself about being on the right path. It’s a time saver. So many truths being said tonight such as living your own life and then sharing life. You can’t bring anything new to the table/ relationship if you are always together! Great way to make things stale and stagnant if you don’t! So important for guys to have their night out with friends!