Don't let go

music is Real Thing by Maverick City Music & Dante Brown

It’s July 14th. Or maybe it’s the 13th I’m not sure, I haven’t been doing well with keeping track of the days anymore
I haven’t journaled since I was in LA. It was nice hanging with montell and noah, and meeting all their friends. I found myself more reclusive than I normally would have been, I felt more comfortable being observant than involved. Some would call it introversion, I like to think I’m extroverted in more intimate spaces. In my observation I noticed a few people - like Montell's sister. She had such a genuine spirit. It seemed she was so effortlessly herself, like she had nothing to prove. And she was always honest, I could feel that she was protected, blessed, and highly favoured. It was nice to experience her way of being, I wondered how I could be more like this.
Another guy that stood out to me was Grant. In honesty I can’t remember his actual name but he seems like someone you’d call Grant. He told me he couldn’t pray in a traditional sense, instead he would journal his thoughts and in those moments he would feel closest to God. He was a believer too, but his relationship was so unique, and entirely authentic that it inspired me to be more honest in mine.
But last night I listened to this guy’s testimony about experiencing hell and then being in the presence of God, and all that he described made me feel like God is owed more than I’m offering. Though I know God does not speak in a voice of condemnation, I still feel plagued by it. So I am in a place of uncertainty again. I don’t feel very secure in anything I believe. I’m finding it hard to distinguish between what is true, what isn’t, and what I don’t fully understand. I’m not afraid of hell, I don’t wanna be here, but I don’t know what to expect from heaven. I don’t feel alive but I don’t wanna die, I just want a better life. One that is not subject to moods so easily shifted, clarity so swiftly blurred, or peace so inevitably disturbed. I know there’s a better way of thinking than how I’m thinking now. I’m wondering how I can make it there. I feel plagued by my own mind and this is starting to feel too much like complaining so I put my hope in this:
To find clarity you must first endure confusion, because faith is born in the midst of uncertainty.
It is in our despair that we allow God the most room to reveal his strength. We depend on him most when we have nothing else and for people this is stress but in dependence he is at his best. So I humble myself in prayer and ask as reverently as I can: please reveal yourself.
Because it's been a long time since I’ve had a good time. It’s been a good while since I’ve genuinely enjoyed being alive, mostly it feels like fighting off my mind for a chance at a smile; I know this isn’t it for me. So show me how to dream again. Show me how to hope despite all my doubts, give me a love that I don’t have to seek out, show me now my reason for being here. Because I can’t continue living waiting to die, when there’s no point in going outside if I’m only ever in my mind, show me life.

all praise to the most high
@unfollowcarter

[elizajackiellyne]

If Miles Carter was a book, I will highlight all of his words.

[ChicagoMNACE]

“Mostly it feels like fighting off my own mind for a chance at a smile.” I felt that

[khadijahhalliday]

I just finished crying out to God. Laying everything out to him...my pain...my sins...my doubt. I cried to him telling him I was just so hurt...and tired of being hurt. I wanted his forgiveness but I also wanted to forgive. I wanted to know he was real but I was almost scared to find out that he was real. I cried. I just talked and let out everything on my heart. I asked him for a sign. Just about to lay down to sleep...exhausted and spent, this pops up on my screen.

Sometimes we forget that we can just talk to him. No formalities. No beautifully thought out sentences. Just simple talking. Simple crying.

I cried for a sign.

And he heard me. ❤

[jalenyvans]

I don’t know how but you’ve summed up what I’ve been feeling for the past two months in this one video and I’ve never felt so understood. I always thought I was alone and now I know I’m not. I wish that we both find happiness and life again.

[Lifeishard]

I remember feeling this way. Not too long ago.. but long enough ago to tell you & whoever is reading this the way out of your shackles is within. You need nothing outside of you.. you’re the key and you always have been. Let go but *don’t let go*


God is closer than you think ;)

[kim-]

This was the perfect timing for me. I’ve been feeling the same exact way for a while now. Normally I don’t comment but I had to this time. I got really teary eyed and emotional. God is always here for you Miles and you don’t understand how your videos have helped me realise this! I pray God helps you out of this confusing path❤️

[sarahmacjones]

“I found more comfort in being observant than involved, ” I feel that so much

[TheKidGillis]

"There's no point in going outside if I'm always in my mind. So, I'm asking you to show me life...show me life..." this is literally what I ask God all the time...

[strxxks]

" I like to think I'm extroverted in more intimate places" wow.. I've danced around those words for years and never quite found them

[Nehway]

and i told myself i wasn’t crying today...
there are very little words aside from thank you. And I hear you. And we hear you. And HE hears you.

[ms.muhuura]

"I haven't felt alive but I don't wanna die" that's deep.
I felt that❗

[karabomocwaledi]

The last time I listened to this was back in uni, few hours prior after the release of this video and it hit hard . I was drowning by then and never knew there was light on the others side. Now I am a graduate, feeling all better. I haven’t been to the light yet but at times I get a chance to experience it. Thank you very much Miles Carter❤️

[uthimnamahlangu]

I also spend most of my days trying to escape the thoughts I generate in my mind. I find peace in sleeping but I know I have to get up and live. And although I still haven't been alive, I'm grateful that I have time to try. This is so similar to my every prayer.

[khanyimdluli]

"There is no point in giing outside if I'm only in mind"🙌😔

[kyledominguez]

It’s like you can read my mind, or like god sends me these messages through you. Thank you miles ❤️

[nathankayembe]

This generation is filled with young people who are broken but hide it with a smile 🤞🏽💔. To be honest I wish I could express my feelings like this, and bro you got a bright future ahead of you and you got my fullest support ♥️

[zamarinicole]

i’m a strong believer that poetry is the diary of one’s soul

[brianbarnley]

Everybody needs to listen to miles carter. He speaks those thoughts in my head that I can never put to words.

[fauxdauteur]

These pictures, the memories that was captured and we are invited to see makes me feel so sad. I've never been deeply close or connected to anyone before.

[sana]

your thoughts are so genuine and everytime you share your thoughts I relate. sharing my own thoughts is very hard especially with close ones, but you describe them perfectly. thank you, much love to you.