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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[scarebears]

Financial abuse was one of the reasons I became homeless for a while after escaping my dad. I had to escape with very little and didn't have anywhere to go.

[mrszavaras]

I am a family law attorney and this is spot on.

[joyceonthego]

This video should be shown to high school kids to prepare them for the dangers they face once they get out in the world. I'd like to see them make informed decisions.

[sf]

Therapists need to speak more on narcissists controlling money through emotional manipulation when they are not the bread winner. You don't have to be the bread winner to be financially abusive.

[remnant]

I remember when my ex started dropping hints he wanted me to quit my job and move in with him, it felt like he was trying to find a way to lock me in the house. Weirdest feeling. I also remember my ex-husband before him trying the same. I _also_ remember my ex-husband’s cousin getting mad at me for suggesting to his wife that she get a job and her own bank account. He pulled me to the side so fast and told me not to tell his wife _anything_ about what to do in their relationship. Smh. Control. If you give up your own source of income, it’s like getting your feet broken. You can’t run away.

[cherylhillskemper]

I thought I was smart to just get out with my sanity 28 years ago after my 20-year marriage. I had my own house before I met him that I bought myself, but in order to be "the good wife" I had to give it all to him. I was in my 20s and I just wanted the marriage to work. I kept telling myself it was a partnership and all young couples struggle. I literally spent 20 years penniless & getting creative about ways to earn just a few bucks so I could buy necessities for the children, yet the narc, would spend thousands on exclusive hunting trips, fishing trips, all terrain vehicles and guns. I have no idea where he hid the money. I was not allowed to know how much he earned, although before we got married, I made more than him.

I often think how differently my life could have been & how I could have followed my dreams of becoming a veterinarian if I was not lied to and seduced by the narcissist. He never paid court ordered child support, spousal support, QDRO, medical & dental insurance for the kids. The house was lost to foreclosure because when it sold he would not sign the paperwork. I lived in a garage for $200 a month with my kids for 9 months while I saved up for an apartment that cost me $900/month when my take home pay was $1200/month. My mom co signed my lease for me & helped with food, dental bills, & school necessities. I remember not being able to afford any of the kids school pictures.

The narc went on disability for "carpal tunnel" the day after the court ordered he pay support, in order to get his amount reduced. He tried to get full custody so that I would owe him support. Then while he was off on disability with "carpal tunnel" he was up on a two story roof while building a garage for his new $100, 000 motorhome, on the acreage behind the new house that he bought in the new supply's name. He fell off the roof and broke his hip, his back, high thigh, a couple then he was really disabled. Then he said that I owed him support.

All I wanted to do was go back to work & provide for my children a stable environment. The ex fought it tooth & nail because he seemed to have unlimited funds for attorneys, even though he was telling the judge that I took all his money. The case was drawn out for 3 years because of last minute continuances. I kept getting fired from jobs because I was told I was always in court and not at work. The narc violated every single court order. I had three cars that got totalled from "people" running into them before his accident. Ironically, after his accident a lot of car & other forms of sabotage stopped.

Now I'm 71. I am proud that I provided for my 3 sons and I am very proud of who all 3 of them have become. I rent a small bedroom in a home with 3 other women. I have no assets except a 14 year old car. Even though I worked my ass off, I only have social security. I'm tired, but I still have goals. I just want my own little place so I am working a side hustle in that direction. I would not trade my sons for the world, but I can look back and see how truly awful narcissistic abuse is and how poorly informed the courts are.
God bless everyone & thank you for these videos Dr. Ramani. You are providing such a needed service.

[muhlaynee]

I haven’t commented on this channel for a while but this video reminds me that the work Dr.Ramani is doing is so important. It’s helps me forgive myself for things I couldn’t understand while I was in a long term narcissistic abusive relationship. Thank you ❤

[aynilaa]

That's my family right there. They believe they can treat you badly for years and you just endure it because they give you money. This will eventually be used against you anyway. Even as an adult they don't want me to work, so I'd forever be dependent on them.

[lifewithtea]

You are describing my narcissistic family. I don’t care to inherit anything from them because I consider who they are to be demons and what they have to be wicked and I don’t want such evil

[daniellemcaniff]

This is literally the story of my life. My ex Convinced me I didn’t need to work because he made significantly more money than I did. I spent every day keeping a 4500 square-foot house spotless, making sure I did everything I could possibly do to make his life easier, had every snack he could possibly want, made dinners, ironed his clothes every day, basically acted like a 1950s housewife.. I didn’t spend any money on myself, I think I bought like one pair of jeans in two years. He was abusive, his family watched him berate me and call me names for no reason, his daughter would call me names. He called me a Golddigger. He got a restraining order to get me kicked out of the house we owned together. When I asked him if he was going to proceed with this falsified restraining order, he said it depends on how this conversation goes meaning if all accept the abuse, I can come back to my home. I did not go back at that time, But I did about a year later and now we’re going through a divorce. And of course the financial abuse continues. He has a lawyer, I can’t afford one. He feels that I am owed essentially nothing, maybe 2 to 3 months of his salary. For 15 years worth of support. He literally had been homeless and jobless at one point in time and I supported him. But I’m a Golddigger😂

[rachaelpaton]

My mother has berated me all my life as a single parent about being bad with money. I recently went to a financial counsellor and was told I have done amazingly well and am not frivolous at all... Just another bar she set for me that I believed when it wasn't right. I had such blind faith in my narc mother... it's astounding how she made me hate myself. :(

[waterdragon]

I found myself getting more upset as this revealing video continued to describe my ex partner...anyway I'm glad it's an ex, but still, how revealing! Thank you for sharing!

[jeffdobbins]

Dr. Ramini, last year I was bedridden by Pancreatitis and diabetic neuropathy, I had to go on Food stamps and ask my stepsister for help as she was in financial control of my mother's finance. I felt I was near death and could not walk. My stepsister's attitude was to control and abuse me verbally. When I took up for myself, she of course threatened to cut me off and demanded apologies for my disagreeing with her. This is when I began watching your videos on Narcissism and took notes. My mother passed away on 11-11-2022 and at that time I instituted no contact with my stepsister and my health and happiness has blossomed.
"When you cut out the wrong people in your life, The right things begin to happen"
-Buddha
I thank you for all your help!

[lilymanning]

Husband does this alot. I don't react any more. Not bothered about his money when he offers me some crumbs. Everything this amazing lady has talked about is spot on. It's so sad. Subjected to so much trauma. When my children were small, he would rage when i bought them essentials to the point I would hide things and as my children grew they would question why they couldn't have clothes sometimes. Now they are older, guess yep, he buys them designer clothes, they go to the city and he spends hundreds on them. Who looks great. Who looks not so great.

[Silverstreak]

Thank you for this video. My narc father was so secretive with his will and ended up alienating most of his kids because he was keeping secrets and lying repeatedly without remorse. He just sent me 200 dollars for Christmas and I’ve just mailed it back to him. 😂

[Kimberly-mbpk]

My soon to be ex was notorious for this. He’d yell at me for how much groceries cost. I didn’t go to lunches w/ friends b/c I knew he’d complain & I didn’t want to hear it. When he’d give me something (bread crumbs truly) he expected undying gratitude. When I said I wanted something he’d tell me “you don’t want or need that “. So when I finally got to the point of not saying I wanted something, he started pointing out things he knew I’d like & it would aggravate him that I showed little emotion & would respond “I don’t want that” which became a truth because I didn’t want anything from him. When I was injured he told me “if you were one of my horses, I would’ve put you down a long time ago”. I didn’t go to Dr.’s many times when I should have as I didn’t want to listen to him yell about the bill. He knew I needed surgery on one of my feet. I went 8 years before having it & only did because my son had a concussion & that covered the deductible so he wouldn’t have to pay. I laid the law down w/ the kids & he dare not go against me on them, so they were well taken care of. I needed teeth work like needed & the Dentist told him in the office visit I made him go to. He told me I would have to use my inheritance from my grandparents which I did. On our 10 year Anniversary (we only celebrated 2 b/c he made them so bad I didn’t want to acknowledge that day at all) I wanted this $10 scarf. In front of people in the store he said “you better wear that fucking scarf every day.” Oh we bought it. I took off my wedding bands & threw them at him & never put them on again. Ialsonever wore that scarf. We will be divorced in less than a month from now. The divorce is kicking my ass lawyer bill wise. While he is being allowed to use OUR HELOC, I was not granted that & just recently had to acquire a personal loan w/ a much higher percentage. He’s going after my inheritance after I told lawyer I would not touch what he inherited from his grandparents as morally I don’t feel it’s right. Idk how the final divorce will turn out. It’s in God’s hands now. We were married 22 years, together 27. Freedom definitely has its price. But I got my children raised & they are thriving. I found a good job & yeah I’m starting over at 52. But it will be nice to finally be rid of him. His friends warned me. I should’ve listened. But having grown up in a very similar situation it was normal until 1 day I woke up & realized it’s not. I refuse to ever be around toxic again as it made me toxic & it was a battle w/ myself to get out & I refuse to go bk to that environment ever again. If I had listened to my intuition, I would’ve left 27 years ago . 🙌🏼

[SusanRayZen]

I was trapped by my father for 50 years with financial abuse. I was a single mother because I never trusted men having a Narc father. He was so evil and so was his wife. I am now No Contact and feeling much better and peaceful.

[Flutterby]

This is the dominant form of abuse that runs through my family and my ex family. Mother, father, ex husband and his mother, sister and now one of my adult children. They only happy if I'm down and of I ever become homeless it will be their "told you she wasn't going to amount to anything in life" moment. Going no contact was the only way out.

[SlumberBeark]

this exactly defines my past relationship with my father.

[MegaMolly]

I received $0 spousal support after a 23 year marriage because I have a college degree. My ex and I had agreed that I would give birth to and raise the children while he started an architectural business. When the children reached school age I was to enter the business as a designer ( I have a design and an architectural degree). He never completed his architectural license and he never opened a business. On top of that we moved out of the city area to the country where there were far less employment opportunities, especially in my field. It would have cost more money to have the children babysat than I would have made (taking into consideration the cots of doing business). So, I worked outside my field for not a lot of money. He cheated, divorced me, gave my $19/week in child support pretending to be unemployed. I had to pay $20, 000 to pay off his pretend bankruptcy so I could keep the house I had bought in the first place, no help from him. I went into a new line of business, am doing well. The worst part of this story is that my divorce is being used as case law to deny spousal support to other women who have college degrees and gave up their careers to raise children. Meanwhile, he is now divorced from the woman he left us for. I guess she didn't give him enough money either.