Relationships and the concept of the game: you can't not play

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If a game is anything with rules and a goal, then relationships are a game. We know there is a goal, because we want things from other people. And we know there are rules, because we can't act however we want to get whatever we want. In this episode, I'll respond to the most common negative reaction to the conceptualization of relationships as a game: that "game playing" is "immature" and "manipulative." My rebuttal is that you can't not play, and that "maturity" and "honesty" are as much "game playing" strategies as their opposites.

Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
Podcast available on Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, and others.

#game #relationships #attraction

[ladyboss]

I have always viewed relationships as a game and something you have to be intentional about and strategise accordingly. The only thing I don't stand for is evil manipulation and blatant deception. In the game of love may the best man win !

[ABC-jqve]

I’m autistic. I haven’t picked up on this concept until my thirties. I didn’t know that people had this ulterior thing going on and I was the idiot in the room. This is precisely why autism really is an disability and not a super power, despite what the woke people want us to believe …

[idlehourlinda]

I agree. Like it or not as long as we're alive we're in the game so we might as well play it well. Binge watching your channel should be mandatory for all young people; so many mistakes might be avoided! Thanks for the great content.

[SisiTsoi]

You are getting better and better at your YouTube game!

[Sugabullets]

A lot of the time the game is about power and if you win then they don't want to play but if you lose they get the power.

[ACMR]

I think you can also add when the other person doesn't want to play, it's time to find a new playmate

[markrcca]

when people complain about games in relationships, they mean specific types of "games" - dishonesty and deception, where a person's actions are very inconsistent with their words. Yes, a strategy of honesty etc can be also called "a game strategy", but that's not what makes people unhappy and/or confused. This video focuses on terminology, rather than addressing problems people face on a regular basis.

In terms of "dishonest games", this is an easier thing to deal with, once you accept that not all people project their intentions in an honest way. Then becomes a matter of learning to filter out people who are dishonest - which actually may be a fairly difficult thing to learn. Most people can see that someone is dishonest after they've clearly acted dishonestly a few times, but we all would like to be able to filter out such a person as early as possible in the interaction, to preserve our time and energy for people and situations that are more deserving of our time and energy. There are probably very few people that are truly good at this (even psychologists! 😆) but each of us can improve.

[FeelnLikeIDoEveryDay]

Wow. What was I thinking? Being honest and direct is the last thing I should be doing. I need to listen instead of hear. Speak instead of talk. I dug my own grave every single time. I heard from someone else that not creating a fantasy or an illusion was lazy and meant you didn’t care. Now I see why. You either really are playing or being played. I’m an idiot for real and surrounded by people to dumb to explain anything to me. Thank you!

[davidthomspson]

I remember a time when we simply said to one another, hey we love each other maybe we should give it a shot..you have to negotiate for a future tomorrow..if it doesn't work out you don't hate each other for that.

[jamie]

For me personally the strategy of being honest and forthright has nothing to do with trying to get something from the other person. They either will or will not be honest and forthright on their own volition. I find it intolerable to be otherwise and far more to the point I can't suffer others who are not this way. IE if the relationship isnt set up this way very early, ill just walk and find another.

[ziixdko]

you are one of the best men ive seen dude

[immers]

I don’t think it’s right to equate the game playing of dysfunctional people with the “strategy” of being genuinely fair and sincere.

I score pretty high in dark triad traits, so am cold, narcissistic and manipulative in relationships. I engage in love bombing, devaluing, discarding, hoovering, gaslighting and all kinds of crazy-making behaviours with my colleagues, friends, relatives and lovers. It’s hard for anyone to be around me for any length of time, and the only person who loves me is my mother, more out of a sense of duty for having created me then through any real affection for the person I am.

My brother is reliable and honest in his dealings with people and is a better person than me. I’ve got no problem admitting this fact. Some strategies for life lead to win-win situations and increase the common good. Others lead to chaos and destruction. There is no moral equivalence.

[nappyfries]

Your last point is spot on. People who say they don’t play games too much most definitely do. That’s part of their game. 😉

I do at times & then I get tired of them & when I do, if I feel like the other person is still playing games, then I’m done. I can only do it for so long until I want honestly & transparency.

[latinaalma]

This is what is wrong with relationships today. For 41 years we thought about eachbother's we each sacrificed for the other. It was about working together through thick and thin. There were years when everything was going well in my career but not in his and vice versa. We pulled together for our common goals.

[InterestedNot]

Wonderful information. Thanks for having guidelines for this channel and making comments. If the majority of people did the same thing, civil discourse would happen everywhere.

[srikrishnavasanth]

*In easy words*
Do things according to what you want.
Eg: if you don't want to get disrespected by partner stop them when they are disrespecting you.
The thing is stop expecting and start doing.

[lipinglin]

I always felt the same way. It is ok to try it out. But I always remember the person who plays the game gets played as well. That is why when I know a girl is playing game, I bounce.

[timm.]

You create(d) a truly valuable channel and content!

[Patrick-qktl]

For an ex-actor (aka ex-artist), you have a remarkable sense for logic!

[Plum]

It's probably easier to view it as "art" rather than a "game." Showing interest for another person through a creative expression of oneself.