I told my kids I’d skip their weddings if they skip mine.

[ladykatherinena]

Op is correct, the children are now adults. They can get over it or get out of her life. Not everything is about the ex-husband. Who I think has manipulated the situation all the way.

[amma]

alot of missing context, but I did find the post, dad was not a great husband, treated OP like a bang maid, refusing to do anything to help her, and even after showing proof, the kids still refused to believe her, so she's giving up and stepping back from the relationship

sounds like a classic case of narcissist dad, good at playing the victim and gaslighting the kids

[e.]

Imagine you'd thought to have left the relationship with a domineering and manipulative partner behind, just to find out that it will be kept alive via proxies. Yeah, the cage got a little bigger!

[darkraven]

Id sit them down and ask them the hard questions.

Ask them if they love you. Why they prioritize their father over you. Why do they want you to be alone. Why do they want you to suffer. How they could expect their own mother to die alone.

If even after hearing that coming from their own mother doesn't change their minds, start putting up boundaries. They are at this point and obstacle to your happiness.

Start restricting their acess to your life. Pull back support - if you're helping them financially, let them know they have a month to figure it out because you'd be stopping payments. If they're living with you, give them a month to find other living arrangments.

Let them know they can contact you for emergencies, but pull back. They'll either realize their tantrums will do nothing or they'll double down, in which case, they've already decided just how important you are.

I also heavily recommened reaching out to your ex. Figure out if he's influencing this behavior.

[Kelly-wjxd]

You have kept your happiness on hold for a long time. Enjoy your life now you deserve to.
Don't let their dads manipulation of them stop you living your life.

[cantfindallyyy]

Those kids must be joking. They divorced basically a decade ago and they’re still making a fuss about it. NTA those are horrible children it makes me really upset

[Itsdevin]

I hav a feeling the dad was feeding them lies about the mom to make them act like this…

Mama has the right to go out and date since they are no longer together he can be heart broken but at the end of they day he has to move on it’s been 11 years if he still isn’t over that he clearly needs therapy. And the kids clearly need it too if there acting this way at there big old age

[victornikiforov]

Your kids are adults. You’ve done your job to love, care, and support them. You deserve your own happiness and if your kids can’t see that then they don’t care for you as much as you do them. Go grab your happiness and live your life. ❤

[EllyRose-Lily]

NTA! Your kids are being ridiculous. They are all adults now, the divorce was like a decade ago, and they're probably out of the house by now. So why should they have a say, in YOUR OWN HAPPINESS?!?!

[michellegetz]

It's completely unreasonable that, even as adults, these kids are holding OP responsible for every reaction their dad has to her moving on with her life. If he was so upset with OP moving on, then he should have been a better husband. It's his own fault he lost her and that he is refusing to let go.

[staciestephan]

If you & fiance can move out of state. I recommend you do that. At this stage your happiness comes first! It's definitely time for a break from those adult children.

[anitalamapachita]

Hmmm… that dad may be a narcissist who makes everything about himself, and has been drilling some BS into those guys’ heads.
It is your call, although, are you willing to enforce those consequences??

[sweerie]

Kids were manipulated by their father when they were young and this taught them manipulation and playing victim enables entitlement. They are adults let them be one and act like one

[RhythmShorts]

All grown ass adults blaming one person because another grown ass adult couldn't move on fron the mess he made

[twinconceptsdesign]

My response would be F him and F them. After 11 years they (children and ex) are still trying to keep the mum captive

[Spawnofsatan]

Tell them you are a grown ass adult and don't need their permission to date/get engaged if they can't respect the fact that you are happy now then go little to no contact with them. Don't go to their weddings. Don't sacrifice your happiness for them. THEY ARE GROWN ASS ADULTS

[jazmin]

NTA, as you said, he was a great dad but not a good husband. So, I can understand why your children feel that way but I think you should send a message like “I have put my feeling aside for you for YEARS, now is the time I get to be happy and you can’t put your feelings aside for me? Your father-“ And explain why your ex-husband was not a good husband.

[PLP]

Kid of divorced parents, they were great parents but not spouses, my mom blames my dad for her misery, my dad blames my mom for cheating on him, don’t know what is the truth but don’t give a duck. They divorced when I was 7 and my brother was 11 but even if they just stay polite they are not toxic (except telling stuff from the other’s past but no possibility to know if it’s true so I don’t listen).

With those informations, I think that the dad brain washed the kids into thinking that since their mom called the divorce it was all her fault and they believe him for x reason. Since they are so brain washed they can’t understand that "not hurting their dad" and "supporting him" first, isn’t their job and second, making their mom feel horrible to the point of giving them an ultimatum.

MORE REASONS FOR NOT HABING KIDS

[enchantedsiyoon]

these kids seem like they’re being literally brainwashed by their father.. they’re grown and still can’t accept that their parents are divorced??

[beemel]

Either she's leaving out details, or the father is using manipulation and alienation techniques on his children, who are grown at this point and should learn to see both sides of situation. Even if you don't take a side or don't want to, just seeing where both parents are coming from has huge benefits. I bet the dad has probably even suggested or implied suicidal ideation to his children. Wouldn't surprise me.