Democratic Debate Cocktails

Get ready for tonight's debate with these candidate-themed libations.

The Hillary Clinton:
-Start with a glass of champagne, and add a splash of something that's like Southern Comfort, but isn't the real thing.
-Then add some bitters—any flavor will do as long as it's aged. Best would be bitters from 2008.
-If the press is attending, extend a olive branch into the drink and then rescind it.
-Garnish with some sour grapes, and serve super cold while trying to look warm.

The Bernie Sanders:
-This drink is a classic White Russian with a few new wrinkles to make it go down easier.
-Now fill the glass with plenty of other people's money—the drink just doesn't work without it.
-Finish with a splash of our forefathers tears, and make sure to equally distribute tiny portions to everyone.

I could show you how to make a Lincoln Chafee or a Jim Webb or an Martin O'Mally, but let's be honest, nobody's going to drink those.

While it may be early, just in case...

The Joe Biden:
-Just reach into your fridge without looking and put whatever you grabbed into the glass. It may sound stupid, but people will know you mean well, and they may even find it endearing.
-In a pinch, you can just take someone else's cocktail and claim it as your own.

Now you're ready for the debate. So kick back, relax, and enjoy what you've created, America.

About 1:15 minutes.

Produced by Austin Bragg.

[IndyThought]

The "splash of our forefather's tears" and "make sure to equally distribute tiny portions to everyone" made me die laughing, then I got sad.

[VeniVidiVid]

And whatever you put in the cocktail, make sure someone else pays for it, and then force them to drink it.

[AKlover]

Yet another reminder of why I'd applaud half the world burning.

[ghostkilla]

And remember kids, vote for nobody. Because nobody cares!

[PurpleWarlock]

Check what the gambling houses are saying about the debate.

[Tigerfire]

Hey for the Hillary if you take it and get into legal trouble can you just quit and not have to face any questions or legal actions?

[bohnstube]

Makes me want to start popping the popcorn right now and get ready for The Las Vegas 5-Ring (and maybe 6 if we're lucky enough to see "Mr. Gaffe-Tastic" show up!!!) Circus with 8 hours to spare!! :-D

[HeilLoki]

I love the Bernie Sanders... It's like every politician in my country... oh god... I live in socialist paradise (aka hell to sane people) Austria. I swear to all the gods, even the "right wing radicals" are fine with state run-everything.

[UNTBC]

that was perfect... unfortunate that only around 1 in ten people will get it.

[eduardolarrymarinsilva]

I cannot quite tell if this trying to bash Bernie Sanders with no good reason.

[KevinSmith-qiyn]

The Joe Biden looked good. Until the ham and ketchup.

[Paul-A]

Someone start a hashtag movement, cuz shots have been fired an it was brutal!

[cristian-sigb]

Why are libertarians running as Republicans? People would take you guys far more seriously if you would run as Democrats. I mean, if you ask me, your views are more in-line with them anyway. (and when I say ''libertarians'', I mean Rand Paul and his father...)

Oh and attacking Bernie Sanders is just a bad idea... Not only that on social issues, you have a lot in common with him, but he's the kind of politician that actually represents the views of the people and has integrity. Disagreeing with him is one thing, but you've got to respect him, otherwise you look stupid. If you want to take on him, you've got to be serious and answer the big questions and issues he raises.

It's ok to make fun of Hillary, though...