The Real Reason to Wait Until Marriage

I would say, the reason to save sex for marriage is similar to the reason that we have locks on our car doors or the front doors of our homes.
The reason we have locks on our doors is because we can’t trust strangers to respect our dignity and the effects of our hard work. Now, don’t jump ahead, I’m not saying that sex is a property or a commodity. I haven’t gone that far with the analogy. It’s merely that you can’t trust strangers to respect and protect your well-being.

And that’s not because all strangers are untrustworthy, but it is because enough strangers are, that you need to protect yourself and your privacy because they will attempt to use that access and that knowledge that serve their interests, often at the expense of your interests.

So, you defend yourself against that kind of risk by locking your doors and governing who has that kind of intimate access to you and your home. Not everyone is welcome to enter your house. Only those who have earned a measure of trust are welcome inside.

Think about why we wear and have always worn clothing. We often assume that there is a natural utility as the reason, like to protect ourselves from the elements. But in truth, as far back as we have records for, we have examples of people wearing clothing for reasons that have nothing to do with protecting themselves from the elements.

There was always some form of decorum or ornamentation as a feature in human clothing. On the question of decorum, an obvious motivation is: privacy. We aren’t just protecting ourselves from the cold, but from exposure to other people.

When we wear clothes, we are protecting ourselves from the crude and possibly even vulgar assessments of people who have not demonstrated to us that they can be trusted to protect that intimate knowledge the way we protect it ourselves. In other words, they haven’t proven that they love us.

Because that’s what love is: it’s a willingness to do for a person as they would do for themselves. To love someone is, in part, to protect their interests to the same degree that they would protect their own interests.
When a person only has a superficial knowledge of us, they do not know us intimately and therefore, they do not care for us as much as intimacy requires.

And from that, a principle should announce itself to us which is that we should only give intimate knowledge of ourselves and our privacy, including our physical form, to those who have demonstrated a deep concern for our wellbeing and who will care for that knowledge the way we do ourselves.

[susanclark]

We waited it wasn't always easy, especially when my sister was trying to break me down to just sleep with him. I stood for the faith we both share and didn't listen to her. It just hurt that she was being like that. He supported me and that's all that matters. It was worth the wait. And now we're expecting our first child about the same time we celebrate our one year wedding anniversary together ❤🙏 God is good

[ryderisboss]

Following Christian teaching and waiting till marriage to have sex and move in together makes your wedding night and marriage in general so much more romantic and exciting. That's why secular couples that cohabitate don't bother getting married. They're already playing husband and wife except without the vow to never give up on one another.

[Michael-mjhg]

I'm in my 30's and still waiting. Everything you said is for the most what I use to preach to friends on Facebook. It's very similar to how I think.

[thebelissima]

My 25 year old nephew met this lovely girl at med school two years ago. She flat out told him on their first date that she was a virgin and was set on waiting until marriage due to her catholic faith. They got engaged over Christmas 2023 and since he and I have an open conversation I asked him how he has been able to do it. He is not a virgin himself and very handsome with many girls giving him the eye. He told me his fiancée has wonderful qualities that made him fall in love and there's more to a relationship than sex, that if waiting until marriage is important to her it's important to him and he will respect her wishes. What can I say, this is true love and I am so happy for them ❤ They will wed in may 2025 ❤

[shaneennoble]

Thank you for this topic. I haven’t waited for marriage, but I certainly dealt with the consequences: feeling empty, violated, tainted. And consequently, not fit for marriage anymore. I wish someone had explained it to me like this when I was young, focusing on self-respect and dignity. It’s the biggest lessons I’ve had to learn as an adult, after making many mistakes. Pray for me.✝️

[NicolNixonAuguste]

Someone at our church suggested my fiancé and I wait. Her argument was good, but what really caught my attention was this: She said if we did not wait the honeymoon will be like any other vacation, not something holy and special. I admit, I was skeptical. I took this as a warning to the "it's only a piece of paper argument, " and the vacation after the ceremony would be just typical--mundane and uneventful. After 18 years of marriage, I can say that she was right. We are both glad we waited.

[Dandoon]

Muslim girl here 🙋‍♀️ I agree with all of your points. Dressing modestly and waiting until marriage start out as just a religious practice, but you soon realize that it has been such a gift to have this much control over my life. Thanks for the video

[cosmic]

I met my wife nearly 30yrs ago...We got married 3 weeks after we first met. I cant go a day without her by my side.

[RealCrusadesHistory]

Another great topic from Brian. Excellent video my friend!

[Catholic-Redpilled-Spaniard]

Brian and everyone, please pray for me.
I am dating a fantastic woman, who I very much like and respect. She is a devout catholic 18 year-old virgin, very intelligent, hardworking, and most importantly, humble. We are in the pre-relationship phase, and we both like each other. I have never seen such virtue, beauty, maturity, intelligence, and so many hobbies and interests all combined in one woman.
She has nine siblings and ninety cousins.
She is THAT kind of catholic girl.

Pray that I may be worthy of such a relationship. God, I need to step up my game so badly.

God bless you all. May the Will of God be realized.

[ModernPapist]

Our self worth seems to come after false love and pleasure as a society. This and porn are great markers for this.

Before Marriage: I want to be loved even if it is for a second.
Porn: No one will love me so I will love this image.

[mrsMOmiles]

I was 21 when I got married everyone in high school thought I was crazy for waiting...so glad I did :)

[JeansiByxan]

This is the best defense I've heard for abstinence before marriage. Thank you! It seems like people have gone so far down the rabbit-hole of sex for theology's sake that they forget there is a human component involved. Why would I have sex with someone who isn't willing to forsake all others? G.K. Chesterton said it best: "Being with one woman all your life is a small price to pay for so much as seeing a woman." The woman I marry will be a gift, just as I hope to be a gift for her. That is the highest compliment we can pay a person.

[exiszentriker]

Your arguments make a lot of sense. I am binge watching your content right now and even though I am not catholic, not even religious I feel like you are right at nearly every point you are making. We need to believe and we need to truly love and we need to do the right thing to live a life that is worth something. But even though intellectually I can understand the necessity for religion, I just can't believe with my heart. I just can't, its like something in me always rebels against every form of absolute belief, except the belief that there are no absolutes. I am a child born in my time and through my time, my existence is modern. Modernity as destructive and nihilistic it is, it flows through me and I can't find god in it. I hope you can help me on this path through your videos.

[singdancelady]

Thank you so much for bringing up the elephant in the room that many other Christians won't address. This is the basis of so much in our society. Women have lost so much in their attempt to "sexually liberated." (I say as a 30-something year old woman.)

[claudiacaprin]

Marriage is the ultimate commitment between two people who love each other

[VadeInSpiritu]

I think a big point you missed is that by waiting until marriage you are preserving your pair bonding ability and will be entering into marriage with the greatest potential to truly unite together as one. If two people are willing to give up sex until marriage they’re setting themselves up for success in marriage by showing each other they value their own self as well as their partner enough to give themselves to fully and only to them. Essentially it’s a good idea to promote the strongest possible unity in marriage.

[crohunter]

Those who see nothing wrong with pre marital sex will also see nothing wrong with divorce. Both go hand in hand.

[nancygagne]

Brian, the Holy Spirit has gifted you! You can explain things better than a lot of priests who just sweep things under the rug! Your videos are always inspiring! ❤️🙏❤️

[yellowyosh]

Another aspect to keep in mind, is that emotional and physical intimacy are connected. Taking the time to really get to know, unite, and connect with each other emotionally, intillectually, and spirituality, really creates the foundation for a wonderful relationship where physical intimacy can be enjoyed so much more. ♥️ Intimacy outside of that is at best mediocre and at worst heartbreaking or damaging. I'm so, and I mean SO, grateful I chose to wait for physical intimacy with my husband until after we got married, because we were able to get to know and connect with each other in so many ways prior to getting physical. I think getting physical too early would have resulted in a relationship where we were so distracted by the physical we wouldn't have been able to get to know and build on the other things we love and appreciate about each other.