Trauma Reactions That Ruin Your Chances at Love

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Just when you think your ready to date again, old childhood wounds come roaring back, triggered by a kiss, a date or even someone being attracted to you. How can you change your trauma reactions? In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who pushed away a man she liked, driven by overwhelming emotions connected to old wounds.
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[Augfordpdoggie]

its amazing how neglectful parents can destroy our lives 30 and 40 years later

[psycherevival]

‘Limerance can only happy when you don’t actually know somebody.” - Anna

[ktmggg]

One thing I've discovered to break an obsessive thought train - because it feels like a runaway locomotive - is to brush my teeth. It forces me to focus on myself (self-care), the minty taste of toothpaste is a sensory jolt (refocusing my attention) and it keeps me from binge eating or drinking anything (the toothpaste alters the taste). And I have a bright and shiny smile. Bonus!

[bethlanglois]

One thing that I see too is that she feels like lying about herself will get her the results that she wants- like if I lie and say I’m the cool/chill girl when I’m really not feeling that way, then I’ll get rewarded with a relationship. This, I think, is because we were taught to lie about ourselves so much in childhood to get love from our parents- please them with whatever they want and suppress our thoughts likes and opinions just so we can get a little security from them. Then we do this w friends and lovers and we kind of know we can’t keep up the charade forever in the back of our mind and then boom… panic and anxiety and then the desire to set the whole thing on fire then feeling like a failure!

[sadie]

Kati, you are not alone. I didn't date for 8 years then someone kissed me. The happy, fun person that I was disappeared and I became a wreck, laughing one minute then crying the next. I checked my phone constantly and gave up my job . I had a full blown panic attack in a nail shop when I saw a girl that I thought he liked. What else should I expect though when my mother couldn't stand the sight of me and treated me with such hatred all my life. I'm going to do Anna's dating course.

[jaredleemease]

“I would really like to kiss you, is it okay if I kiss you?” ….I think this is the best approach, passion and intensity can follow later, but asking first feels so much better and respectful for me personally. 😃

[thomasmclaughlin]

Alcohol Plus CPTSD equals nuclear meltdown.

[sar.c]

“Someone who thinks you’re worth it rather than you being this little tiny peeled grape out in the world trying to pretend that you’re as tough as a rock” 🥺. You hit the nail on the head. Needed to hear this. I haven’t dated anyone in 2 years either or been sexual. Her story is so similar to my behaviors and I experienced what you guessed. It is soooo vulnerable and what keeps me going is I want to heal my way into the person’s arms who finally is safe & wants to take me as I am. Your words were much needed encouragement not to give up

[phmgmhc]

I quit dating years ago it’s just not worth the turmoil, single and mostly happy

[di]

Healing is freeing and awesome. Does not guarantee ANYTHING in the realm of relationships but you’ll have a great relationship with yourself.

[toyahbetheglory]

Anna and her work here really is a gift. Appreciate the amount of time put into these videos. They seem to be just on time most every time. Thanks to y'all at the ccf team for all you do 💛

[Rubiastraify]

When I was first healing, and getting out into the dating world, after a date--particularly if it went well and we were attracted to each other -- I would "check in" with myself, and let whatever wanted to come to the surface to do so, and to be honest with myself. I discovered it's possible to feel contradictory emotions at the same time: "I'm excited because we're attracted to each other, and beginning to build something" and "I'm a little scared, because now I'm more vulnerable". Protect yourself and be compassionate with yourself as you would a child. You can protect yourself with your own boundaries, and allow yourself to relax a bit because you learn to trust yourself and your process. I found that I would have to take "baby steps" in terms of physical affection, and check in with myself in real time "How does this feel? Do I feel safe? Do I want to continue or slow down/stop?" You're in charge!

[jb-zeyh]

Wow. I feel her on this experience. I’ve been there before. Childhood trauma is terrible

[christineherrmann]

It sounds to me like the kiss may not have been as welcome as Anna seemed to think. The stalking social media isn't only positive obsession (I want this person) it can be defensive (I need to make sure this person won't actually hurt me). The trick is to figure out WHY you're freaking out over a new person. If there's an abuse issue under there, anyone who makes a quick move can activate that "I need to find out all I can about this person and gain their approval or they may hurt me" reaction. The whole fallout really feels like that to me. Just my 0.02, but I wish you luck!!

[aquateal]

Absolutely agree 100% about alcohol and CPTSD. Stop drinking, and the triggers become more manageable. There is still a lot of work to do around healing, but sobriety is a huge help along the way.

[talktaboome]

Irrational decisions is a defense mechanism I found myself making 😢 I can relate to wanting to just get ova the “overthinking” when in reality it was my intuition/ discernment.

[saraw]

“Healing feels good!” “Healing is fun!” ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ love these statements!! 😊😊😊😊

[janicetribbiani]

I think people are using the term “narcissist” way too much. Everyone is self-absorbed and has narcissistic tendencies to a point- it’s human nature. Labeling other people narcissistic is placing all the blame on the other person instead of acknowledging what we have brought to the table- the good, the bad, and the ugly.

[CJ-ukrt]

the stuff you said about tarot and astrology regarding relationships is spot on. I used to watch it to justify a guy's actions but not anymore. If I do watch it, it's for entertainment or general guidance but nothing major.

[nycrawgirl]

I love hearing these stories. A lot of us have been this woman or parts of her but felt like it was just us making bad choices. Thank you, Anna for encouraging her and all of us to heal.