When did you realize your parents were bad at parenting

[ravenmateo]

Strangers apologizing in behalf of these irresponsible parents is on another level of humanity. I pray for everyone's healing.

[ProtienPowder]

Having bad parents and turning into a good parent yourself is just pure kindness.

[HyyYy-tmfh]

Y'all got hellspawns trying to act like parents. Seriously, nobody deserves to go through these events.

[melodylightsahgasestarlight]

I was going to have a major surgery for my throat. Doctors told me one of the risks is might lose my voice, which is a big deal as my work heavily depends on talking for at least 7hrs. I told my family about the surgery, the risks and that recuperation will be around 2 months. The first thing they responded was: "Will you have paid leave? Who will pay our rent if you don't have salary? What about your younger brothers? Who will give them their allowance and other expenses?" I was so devastated about that because I was already so nervous about the surgery. Thank God I have my friend/neighbor with me that time and he consoled me. He was the one who went with me in the hospital through the surgery and recuperation period. No one in my family came (my brothers were too young then). Now that friend/neighbor is my husband and I haven't spoken or seen my parents for years. I only see my brothers who also hate them.

[DavidLindsay-xg]

My mom got me kicked out of the house when i was a teen just so SHE could have a office space. I wish this was the only thing she did

[UKV]

I got diagnosed with cancer when I was twelve. When my mother got told about it, she said she was on holiday and had just paid for an extension on her trip. When she got asked “what part of your son being diagnosed with cancer did you not understand?” She hung up. My dad had three other kids to look after at the time (my two brothers both less than age 3). So I spent most of my treatment isolated in one of the controlled rooms and alone. My mother made an appearance 2 months into my treatment. I was stage III when diagnosed and in a bad way due to how quickly the symptoms of the cancer I had could kill. My oncologist wasn’t very optimistic at first not expecting a good response from the first round and so told my father to start preparing friends and family for the worst. Had the first round of chemo not been a huge success there’s a high probability that she wouldn’t have seen me before the end. Still I forgave her and moved on.
She visited me every day for two weeks and then stopped showing up and I’ve never forgiven her for abandoning me when I needed her the most. I haven’t seen or spoken to her in 17 years.
I’m now happily married with a son of my own and there’s not a damn thing in this world that would prevent me from being there for him.


EDIT:
Thank you all so much for the incredible support and heartfelt words! My wife and I check your comments each time a new one arrives. If there were more caring and compassionate people such as yourselves in world there’d be a lot less horrible circumstances such as what I wrote above.
I’ll work through each of your comments to answer questions, give thanks, or if you’d like to know how much more insane my childhood/adolescence was with both “parents” then I’ll go into a bit of detail below.
My hope is to guide people dealing with similar circumstances that you can’t change your family, but you’re the driver of your own life, not the passenger. You control where you’re going, who you allow to accompany you, and ultimately where you’ll end up in the end!

I’ll condense this as much as I can, and attempt a dot point form.
• Both of my parents were abusive hot tempered people, often arguments lead to physical altercations, or throwing whatever was in reach at the other person.
• Grew up in a house that had enough rooms to fit my siblings and I each into our own room, however my two brothers, sister and I shared one room, as the rest of the house was used for drug production - and due to this we were never allowed friends over to the house.
• My parents (especially my mother) are heavily addicted to meth, and heroin.
• My mother got my sister addicted to meth which has utterly destroyed her life.
• My parents could snap over the most ridiculous things, my mother used to choke us and scream in our faces, our father used to sit us all together and force us to watch him slap, punch, and kick us one after the other. Sometimes over us misbehaving as all kids do from time to time, then other times we’d get grounded for no reason (grounded meant no food and a hiding with no timeframes specified) he would break something in the house, such as the blinds or curtain then set us against each other non of us knowing which sibling did it - until after hours had gone by with us getting yelled at, getting frustrated with one another until ultimately I put my hand up and said it was me. He’d then just laugh and reveal that it was a test to see if any of us would “own up” to protect the others.
• Once my parents split things only got worse. Father has fractured my jaw and thrown me through the lounge room window, mother would just not feed us as she just wanted to drink and party with her new friends, as she blamed her children for the reason she no longer had a social/party life.
• I once had a horrific accident on my bike at a local half pipe where I had impaled my right testicle after my handle bars lodged into the grass and I landed on the other side, I took myself to the pub which was where my father was and he told me to wait for my mother to come pick me up as he had “business” to deal with at the pub. The hospital had to surgically remove my shorts and underwear as by this point everything had taken so long that the blood dried and couldn’t take them off without screaming and throwing up in pain. Once they’d gotten me out of my clothes I had the right side of my testicle stitched back together.
• Once watched my father set another guy on fire in his carport. (We used to own a 3-wheeler and it was leaking oil and required new gaskets) he tipped the oil over him and within seconds guy was engulfed. The scream the man let out I’ll never forget. Not the kind of noise you’d expect to hear from someone on fire. Dudes leather jacket is permanently melted into the carport floor (the man survived, suffered third degree burns however) never seen a persons skin drip off their body before.
• After finally beating cancer, and not long after getting my broviac removed (which is a pair of tubes that hang outside of your body and is attached to your superior vena carva, it is one of your main artery’s attached to your heart) I started getting severe stomach pains. I got in trouble for making things up as he thought I was trying to skip school. Turned out the chemo had absolutely ravaged my body and had destroyed a section of my small bowel which required an emergency bowel resection. Unfortunately, three seperate major bowel operations later (with my fourth on the way this year). Bowel obstructions are easily one of the most painful experiences a person could go through. I would honestly if given the choice go through cancer again than deal with my bowel condition every day.
There is a silver lining to this, I surrounded myself with people that weren’t my family, moved out of home at 15 and never looked back. It’s easy to fall victim to learned behaviours from parents etc. As I mentioned earlier though I knew nothing was ever going to change, I left. Moved as far away as I could from all of my family.

If you’ve gotten here after reading all of that, then I absolutely appreciate your time. To end this on a lighter happier topic, it was my son’s first birthday this Sunday just gone and he’s taking his first freakin

[karola.b]

reading some of the comments here made me realize just how privileged i am to have loving and understanding parents. i’m really sorry for everyone who had, or still has to suffer because of their parents’ incompetence.

[DaeeLight]

I was abused a lot by family members. Sexually, physically, mentally, verbally, spiritual abuse. Some of the adults would threaten and abuse their children if they didn't mistreat and abuse me. My parents were never abusive but they were young and didn't protect me from A LOT that could of been prevented. The cycle only repeats itself if you let it and become your abuser. I was struggling with a lot of mental health issues and substance abuse so I placed my daughter somewhere safe while I sorted out my demons so that I didn't put her in those same types of situations I went through. I'm called unfit for this but I'm stronger than most for not being in denial and pretending as if I could raise a child in that state of mind and life. Being abusive doesn't just effect you and your victim. It' ruins a lot of lives and I decided to break the cycle. It's the absolute hardest thing being apart from her but I know I did the right thing and I will be with her again soon. Devoted, healed, and stable enough to be a good Mom. She deserves the best. All children do. I'm still called a bad mom for this even though I chose to get well and keep my daughter safe from my bs.

[the_free_timer]

My mom used to hit me for crying. Crying becuase I was in pain? Slap to the face. Crying because my pet died? Punched in the gut and told to shut up. Crying because I knew she loved my brothers more than me? Whipped and locked in my room.

When my great grandfather had a stroke several years ago, I couldn't cry as he began to die in front of us, not even as we watched the doctors pull him off life support. She had the gall to say, "It's okay, you can cry." At the funeral, I was the only one not to cry, even after going up to his casket and saying my goodbyes, and even after being one of his pallbearers and laying him in his grave.

I've gotten better with being able to cry since she's not in my life anymore, but I still don't really do it, especially when other people are around. When I learned my grandfather had cancer earlier this year, I didn't let myself cry because people would've heard me.

[MadKingLordeus]

My best friend got out of jail after 18 months for drugs and when he did, his dad gave him some heroin and a needle and left him alone to do it. He died that night.

(EDIT: I correct this in the comments, but the sentence was 18 months, he served just over 9)

[davidsejas]

Met my mom when i was 9 she told me as she pointed to a blue item "if i say thats red cus i told you then its red!" thats when i realized i was gonna live with a narcissist with control problems

[chaudiaadams]

I told my parents I had been molested by my older brother (2 years older) from the age 9 to 13. They both told me it was “actually pretty normal” and told me a lot of siblings experiment on each other. Then when I would have rage attacks at my brother from built up resentment they would say I was evil and a mean person. My dad forced me to talk to my brother about it when I wasn’t ready and after I moved out at 18 I wouldn’t visit my dad for years. He’d ask why and I’d tell him I didnt want to be around my brother. He’d get aggravated and tell me I need to just get over this.

I have since forgiven both of my parents, and have a better relationship with mom because she took real accountability for the way she responded. My dad has semi-taken responsibility but always throws in excuses or rationalizations that really hurt me and make me feel like my pain and grief is inconveniencing him.

[soulzzx]

One time i ended up in the hospital due to a attempted suicide with pills. My parents were in vacation and i was alone with my siblings. My parents called me and my mo saud " how dare you ruin our vacation? Is this the attention you wanted? Good now youll stay in there to see how other people have harder then you." I stayed alone in the hospital and the only person that came to visit and make sure i was alright was my bff. When the doctors suggested that i stay at her house because of everything that was going between me and my fam, my parents threatened to disown me if i dare to go over to her house. They wanted me to stay in the hospital and feel miserable as a lesson. (English is not my first language)

[thelordofthelosers]

After years of mental, Emotional and academic abuse, I had finally burned out my junior year of high school. One night whilst I was berated for “being lazy, ” I told my father I wanted to die but didn’t even have the energy to do that. That man looked me dead in the eyes and told me, “Just do it, because then at least you’d be worth $10, 000 in life insurance. Your energy and performance makes everyone just as miserable as you are. So just do it already.” I think that was the moment I realized he had never truly loved me, only how I made him look. The moment I wasn’t able to preform, I was no longer useful to him. I was kicked out shortly after that for calling him and his wife out on their behavior and telling my younger brother to actually think for himself. I was 16 during the conversation and barely 17 when they told me, “after tonight you need to find somewhere else to go. You aren’t welcome here.” It’s been two years and I still think about that conversation at least once every week. I don’t think I can ever forgive him for that, but some sick part of my brain still loves the bastard.

[RDHarmony]

My Dad refused to hit a dog for any reason ever. A loose dog dragged me around the park one day by the back of my shirt. Road rash all on my back, bite marks. He beat me horribly for not defending myself against the dog but he pet the dog and loved on it while he waited for the owners. I was 9

[山崎きよし]

I am a daughter of strict muslim parents. My parents used to hit me a lot when I was a child. Most of the times it was "just" little hits and punches. My father told be if I had sex before marriage he was legally allowed to kill me and he would if course do so. This destroyed the faith in my parents. The beatings got worse and worse after I got older and my body grew more feminine parts. They beat be for simple reasons like playing with boys or dressing with boys clothes. One time my shoulder got dislocated by the strength of my fathers punches. My mother but boiling water over me etc... The time i finally snapped and asked for help from my teachers was when the Nintendo WII came to the market here in Germany and I asked my father if friends can come to play it because they have it with them. By the time I was in fifths grade. He closed the door and hit me so hard- he broke my nose and hit my head and my ears really hard. My ears damaged.

Till this very day I am unable to hear good. I am 23 years old now and I am studying, have a lovely partnership and I am well, but my ears need hearing aids to hear.

[stevenkunkle]

My mom and step-dad took a half dozen of my pets into the woods and left them there when I was 16. A few years later they did it again. A few years after that, they helped their neighbor steal and abandon my cat Milo.

Her favorite phrases are "get over it", "stop living in the past" and "its your fault for trusting us with them". To their credit, it is my fault for trusting them. I won't ever make that mistake again.

[kiranannanananna]

These comments are fucked up, Im sorry you guys went through that. I hope you fully recover ❤️

[mySoupDied]

My father laughed when I was crying over my friends suicide.
He uses his trauma hand disorders to get through any punishment.
And don’t even get me started on how he treated my mother.
He just sits downstairs using his computer and drinking all day long, rarely trying to help parent me or my three siblings.

[ooppetal]

I'm 17, graduating soon, applying for colleges and scholarships. I don't have an ID, driver's license, car, or job. I used to tell myself it was because I was never committed enough or worried about it. But the reality was, my mother never supported me when I asked for those things. I told her I wanted a job, she told me to figure it out myself. I told her I wanted to get a summer job, she told me I couldn't. I proposed to ride the bus, she said I couldn't. She makes fun of me for not having a license, but doesn't take me out to drive. I don't even have more than two hours allowed on my phone (parental time limit). Now, all of the people in my grade leave early to work. They have internships and cars and freedom. And I don't. And I can't just go and do it against her will. She'd kick me out, or take away my bed or clothes that she bought me. I know she would, because she's done it before. And even though I've been a part of so many wonderful groups and organizations- hell, I've been invited to NSHSS! I find myself saying I can't go abroad, or out of state, because my mom wouldn't like it. I used to hate thinking about my future, but it was because I knew it wasn't going to be the future I wanted. It was going to be the future she allowed. And I think about that now. How my options and future have been narrowed down for no reason. How I might live a mediocre life.