self silencing: 14 signs💔

This video describes 14 signs related to the theory of Self Silencing and relationships (Dr. Dana Jack's psychosocial lens in which to explore women's mental health issues, initially focused on the roots of women's depression and the disparity of mental health issues between women and men). However, anyone can find themselves self silencing, and as a result, find themselves people pleasing, compulsively caretaking and suppressing their true selves. Self silencing is deeply rooted in gender expectations and roles women have and are still expected to assume, and the significant toll upon our mental and physical lives.

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[FlowerWater]

This is me. My whole life. Now I'm in my 60s, it feels like I wasted my life. I'm trying to move forward while there's still time.

[laraoneal]

Not being able to be our authentic selves as children continues into adulthood suppressing who we were meant to be. Learning to meet the parents needs instead of parents meeting our needs as children. Examination of our family of origin dynamics is crucial for mental health. This has been a huge priority for me. I went no contact from my extremely toxic family of origin 25 years ago. Childhood trauma survivor here, long story. Ty Kim.

[LisaSmith-ybuz]

What I have most gained from this information is the realization that, in order for me to stop silencing myself, I need to start silencing everything else and listen more closely to me. ❤😌

[marilynwarbis]

We can't win - either we silence ourselves or we're attacked for being our authentic selves. In this society women have to be feminine and sexual to get by. If a woman is not these things, she's laughed at, criticised, or even verbally attacked by men. Likewise, women in this society must be loving and compassionate: if a woman is not, she's criticised strongly by the spiritual community. If one becomes a feminist in order to speak out, society rejects one. So in order to be my authentic self, and to feel happy about myself, I avoid society.

[kathyhollenbach]

This is unbelievable! This is my daughter to a T. Makes me feel so sorrowful for her. I'm so surprised. She's been in an emotional and verbally abusive marital relationship for 25 years; she's finally getting a divorce. Thank you for this presentation.

[Ctkarek]

I subscribed awhile ago, but have only watched this video all the way through. I turned 70 in January and my family of origin (mom, dad, and two older brothers) have all passed. To be honest, at this point, I am just biding my time until my own death. No, I do not have a plan to actively end my life, but I will certainly welcome that last breath. I am just exhausted. And while it’s true, I had a very screwed up childhood, I have been an adult for a very long time and I, alone, am responsible for this hopeless place I have carried with me all these years. I’ve done therapy, medication, 12-step groups…but have lacked the commitment to follow through. I have never felt like I fit in anywhere, and my gut reaction to any praise or expression of love from anyone except my immediate family…was always, ”if they REALLY knew me, they wouldn’t feel that way”. I have become a true recluse and though I truly love people, I just find it easier and less exhausting to keep to myself. Chose to never have those babies I once dreamed of, so my ONE achievement is that I haven’t passed this heartache on. Your videos
touch on SO much that might help me, but it just feels like it’s too late for me, there’s too much wrong in me. Yet I’m taking the time to write this, so maybe there IS still a flicker of hope in this old soul! And your podcasts fan that flicker, so I just want to thank you for sharing so honestly. I know you are helping countless people! Thank you, Dr.Kim!❤️

[madeline]

I am 29, and started my healing journey few years back, love how evrything is unfolding for me. It's a tough road but i will do it. And to all the people who are saying that have wasted their life bcz they have reached a certain age, i wanna say you that age is an illusion. You still have time enjoy and lead a beautiful life. ❤️

[litrugia]

Wow. You just literally described so much of what I struggle with. I grew up feeling voiceless. And I struggle with voicing so many things.

[alexandrugheorghe]

I shut down when facing sociopaths 😔 this too is a form of self silencing

[phoenixroseastrology]

I've just learned over the years that what I say and what my needs are don't matter to people so why bother bringing them up. It isn't a good place to be in but person after person after person has shown this to me, even as I value myself and my needs so it I know I'm worthy and feel it but it is a waste of breath to tell others, I could use that energy to take care of myself.

Could you make a video speaking to this? How to handle it when everyone in your life behaves this way? I know not everyone is like this but the majority are in my experience. Thank you for the videos they are always very helpful and thought provoking.

[laraoneal]

The illness and disorders you mentioned are all integrated into the ACES score. “Adverse childhood experiences “.

[GoodBeetsME]

I am a 55 year old mother of 3 amazing young adults...who survived me. I had a very emotionally messed up childhood which included sexual abuse at a very young age. Everything in this video describes me. A lot of this science came about in the last decade. It was about 10 years too late for me to raise my children how I wish I could have. Undiagnosed ptsd and a father who was loving and ill equipped to handle the storms made for some very chaotic times. I had 3 kids under 5 and probably post part and no closely support. Once I got help I was very apologetic, clear and open about how had been wrong and wanted to do better. My kids can talk openly about their mental help. I thought. My eldest, who we are/were both close too, moved out..we were totally supportive.She asked me to look at apartments with her. A month after being on her own she told us she needed time away form us and hasn't spoken to us in 9 months. I am glad she is working things through at a much younger age as I wish I could have. And yet it hurts immensely to have radio silence. She only lives a town away. I work at being grateful to know she is safe and my parents and her siblings let me know a little but I try not to ask....boundries. Ive done A LOT of therapy for decades. Thank god because I need that knowledge now! Whew! Long story, sorry folks!

[Meggaaaaa]

The different standards put on my brother and I growing up are insane. My brother is domestically violent to all of us, and they still cave to his every whim. I am all by myself, unsupported by them. I’m just now realising how this has affected me in my relationships. I am such a people pleaser. Growing up with a narc mum has only made things worse

[Hildred]

Not all women are like this, it was more common in the past, I’m as old as the hills and have seen a huge change in women’s expectations. I was a traditional housewife and it worked for me, but of course I know that it’s not what the majority of women want now, and that’s fine.
A lot of the issues come from upbringing as you say, but people with the self confidence that comes with the right parenting are able to put themselves first when necessary. I’d like to think I’ve achieved that with my own children, and also as a mother of both sexes I see as many issues for men and the expectations on men are huge, and their roles have changed dramatically which is causing issues with their identity and mental health. Men however have generally been taught to suck it up and don’t present with any issues until they are in a dire situation mentally.
Society has changed beyond all recognition, I remember my grandmother living a life of caring that would leave most people speechless. My grandfathers life was equally tough.
Things change, we are a long way off getting it right, maybe we never will. It starts with nurturing our children boys and girls and giving the tools they need

[nothing-bn]

Be silent, , remain that way, , and you will be unknown forever

[ParticleLarry]

I'm a guy with no kids and feel most of these apply to me

[carmenhartman]

😢 God!! I wish i could go back and be little again and do it all over again❤

[rascallyrabbit]

another great video. I don't remember my parents ever talking to me about me. I remember my mother putting my sister and me in the car and driving around because my father was raging at home. Then, we just went home and never talked about it. I would do anything to keep anyone from abandoning me, never looking at the character of the person I was pleasing. I was a mess. I ran away from success over and over because success is stressful, and my mother taught me to run away from stress. Now that I am safe, I am getting happier.

[gianniclaud]

This def applies to gay men (like me) on the more sensitive end of the emotional spectrum.

I’m rarely myself around other people (including family), I just adapt and tend to be agreeable for most things.

[sarahs]

Unfortunately, our work lives can really compound all of this since we are asked to put up with difficult people and situations for years.