The Effects of Bullying | Heartstopper Gets Therapized

What are the deep effects of bullying and how can we support those who have gone through it? In this video we explore how the Netflix show Heartstopper is a masterclass in how to be there for others as they heal.

Next, watch 🎥 Awkward Family Dinners | Heartstopper Gets Therapized

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00:00 Heartstopper
00:31 Bullying
02:42 It doesnt have to be perfect with me
05:00 How we deal with things is often misunderstood
07:00 We need someone to tell when we are hurting

#heartstopper #mendedlight #jonathandecker

[trinaq]

It broke my heart when Charlie confesses to Tori that he feels like he deserves Ben's abuse, and that everyone would be better off if he didn't exist. Sadly, many bullying victims do feel that way, and internalise the abuse.

[Second]

A minor correction to your great exposition of this beautiful scene. Nick says, "Do you still do that now?" and Charlie shakes his head, no. As an actor myself, I am floored at the skill of these two wonderful young actors. As you know Kit has a fair amount of acting credits but this is Joe's first large scale gig. And they both knock it out of the park. I cannot help tearing up at this scene no matter how many times I have seen it.

[catdragon]

A lot of people have the misguided, old-fashioned notion that suffering builds character. One thing I love about this show is, it disproves the idea and presents an alternative. We get a taste of how much the bullying has messed up Charlie, and we see how it’s actually the healing process and his incredible support system that helps him build character.

[phoenixfriend]

There's a speech Nick's mum gives in volume 4 of the books about how to help people that I REALLY hope they give to Olivia Coleman in season 3. She'll nail it.

[kayisfish]

It's worth noting that it may be hard to hear, but Nick doesn't say "please don't do it now." if you see the captions it says "do you still do it now?" I think it's an important distinction. I also think they need to give Joe and Kit every award for this scene alone. Incredible, incredible and important show.

[concentricemily]

Season 3 of Heartstopper (based on where the comics go) will focus a lot of Charlie’s bumpy path to healing. And how Nick can help, but also the limits of what he can do

[melisablanco]

The "can you promise to tell me?" is the part that broke me. There is so much shame already, and being told to promise not to do that anymore just adds to the pain when you "mess up" again. The thing I needed the most was someone who would be there without shaming me more than I already was myself. This was so beautiful.

[KurtAnderson]

I can’t begin to tell you how much this show would have helped me if it existed 40 years ago when I was in school.

[darthmemewalker]

In middle school, I got bullied horrendously, 8 years later, I still have not gotten over it

[saphera]

id also like to note self harm isn't always physical but can be mental as well. doing thing you know will hurt you because you think you deserve it or as a since of control. it also doesn't have to be direct like cutting, but could be scratching till you bleed, isolating yourself for long periods, overworking yourself, surrounding yourself with toxic people. anything that hurts you in any way, doing it because it hurts and you feel you deserve it or it puts you in control of something, anything.

[rubysmolen]

I love this scene it is done so accurately! for me I view what Charlie says about SH is not just about a way to deal with the extent of the homophobia to transfer and direct the pain somewhere and how it created self-loathing, but also, as another form of control. He was getting so much directed homophobic assault and pain and he needed to have some control over the amount of pain he was given so he controlled where to direct it. Just like his ED is connected to the homophobia and relationship with ben and was a way to have some form of control so can SH be a form of control

[AudioComicYT]

6:29 Oke, I really wanted to talk about this specific aspect of this scene (because I think this is one of the most powerful scenes of both show and comic).
First of all, Nick didn't say "Please don't do that now" as I think you understood during the video (it is pretty hard to hear because they really try to show a real conversation and not make it more understandable "because it is a show"). In reality he asked "Do you still do that now?" and in the show Charlie answers with a simple "No". That is a great scene...
...BUT I think the comic does something even more real and sad here: Nick asks the same question but Charlie while first also answering with "No" after thinking about it (he wants to be completely honest with Nick) adds "I mean - hardly ever".
I think this accomplishes two things that make this even more real and emotional than the show:
1. It really shows how special Nick is to Charlie, that he could have said "No" and left it there but he corrected himself to tell the whole truth
2. It is really hard to stop with something once you started it and I do believe (I have no personal experience or know somebody nor am I a trained in this) that this includes cutting or other coping-mechanisms. And even if the bullying has stopped Charlie still has a lot to deal with in his life (normal teenage-stuff like school-stress, his Eating-Disorder, still being a bit traumatised because of bullying, ...) and I do believe that it can get too much for him at times which could prompt him to go back to his old habits of dealing with stress at some point

Just as a heads up, this scene plays out in a different context WAY earlier in the story so some things might be a bit different (for example how the scene actually starts)

[Raienya]

For the TW: the self-harm talk starts at 4:40 and ends around 7:58

[InvisibleDrew]

The best part of the way Nick reacted was that he didn't try to make Charlie promise to never hurt himself again, he asked him to promise to tell him if he felt that bad again. It's unrealistic and kind of manipulative to try to make someone who is in enough pain that they're hurting themself on purpose to promise to stop entirely, relapses happen, and it's a coping mechanism for a reason, you need to address whatever is causing that person to feel that badly. Nick knows he can't "fix" Charlie, and he knows Charlie doesn't want him to, either, but he needs his support and love, and that's exactly what Nick does for him. That's the best kind of support someone can give, just be there to listen, and if we ask for help, give it as best you can.

[jessbeee_]

Bless you for this video. As a lesbian, I am LOVING your heartstopper videos, but also as someone who has suffered immensely in the past from depression and self-harm, this video is so important. Thank you for trying to reduce the stigma and for teaching people how to navigate pain with others, how to help. We need more people like you out there.❤️

[kalinditrue]

When I was in grad school I reached a low point where I was considering unaliving myself. I reached out to a trusted teacher and he immediately offered to drive me to a hospital. That’s the last thing I wanted to hear in that moment. I disengaged completely and left the conversation feeling even more alone. I think he felt out of his depth and just panicked, but in that moment it felt to me like “I don’t want to deal with this so let me dump you at a hospital and you can be someone else’s problem.”

Looking back on it, I think what I wanted to hear most was “I care, you matter, I’m here for you, what does support look like for you right now.” Literally just being present and listening with compassion is what most people want.

[alexandraRatliff]

I actually think you misheard a significant line.
When nick hugs Charlie and responds to his confession of self harm.
He doesn’t say: “please don’t do that now”
Nick asks: “DO you still do that now?”
(And Charlie says “no”)

And the distinction is significant. Because asking him to stop adds a lot of pressure and judgement and feeling of shame if you do it again. Instead he asks Charlie to promise to tell him when he’s feeling like that. Showing that the love and care he has for Charlie isn’t conditional on him stopping this behavior. He’s expressing that he cares. That he’s there for him. That he doesn’t want him to go through it alone.
And I love that. Ultimately it is a better approach to reducing shame which will help him stop the self destructive behavior

[annabrown]

I love heartstopper, it's so adorable and fluffy and yet hits so hard. These young actors are astounding ❤

[devinodonnell]

I was regularly called gay, bullied, and generally made to feel miserable **_solely_** because I was interested in reading books inside in the A/C instead dying of heat stroke every day in Houston. After about 6-7 years of being told how terrible I was, while I told myself that I had brushed that hate off at the time and that it didn't affect me, it _very much_ lingered out of sight behind my defensive emotional perimeter. It wasn't until my early 30's that I was able to even _begin_ to rub that stain off my soul after finding a healthy community that I was able to matriculate into, with the cruelest irony being that my bullies were in a sense actually correct on one thing, I _was_ gay, but by that point their damage had been done and I was left with extricating self-worth and personal-value from a thing that I now knew myself to be which was...._not fun_.

[tommiller]

I'm so sorry for all the bullying you've gone through.
One of the major hurts of bullying is to hold it in and pretend it doesn't hurt. Real men don't cry. Being bullied is perceived as being a failed human being. In a class once in junior high, a couple of schoolmates were tormenting me. I laid my head and sobbed. I kept berating myself, "Stop crying! Stop crying!" I felt like a total failure for crying.
I wonder how many bullied kids are bullied at home as well. Who do you go with your pain, especially when you are the failure? I remember my 11th grade history teacher who was fabulous asking who had someone they could confide in. I was the only one who didn't raise his hand. Of course, I felt humiliated by that, too. Many times, it's a vicious circle of needing love and protection and being alone in all of it.
Could you do more on this?