Bert Kreischer: Cops hate this #shorts #standup #comedy

Bert Kreischer (The Machine) has some good advice if you get pulled over for drinking and driving.

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[amberfashing]

Bert looks like he's about to stumble into your kitchen asking for sugar and water . That's why he drinks so much koolaid, cuz he's the giant bug guy from MIB

[Vextipher]

If Bert starts telling this joke, this is what you do...

[dezza]

I bet Bert was glad 90% of people's first time seeing him was his machine joke because this was a tough watch.

[SeraphimSword]

It’s crazy how much more well spoken he was in his younger days. What a nightmare alcohol is.

[matthewbernard]

That joke was written as if he was Dane Cook 😂

[chevronred]

He's describing a 2 second physical joke for a sketch like it's worth a minute-long joke

[BIacklce]

Proof that networking gets you everywhere

[bobertkallahan]

This was Bert in his “sympathetic girlfriend laughs” era. Ain’t nobody in that room really laughing 😂

[ghostwrittenbyme]

that was tough. glad he didnt get better or we'd have to see more of this

[ThomasIngram-sl]

By the time you get your finger to his lips you've already been shot 15 times. Lmfao

[beensavage]

goddamn he better be glad he knows Joe, bc if not he would still be doing these shows at shoneys and IHOP

[xx_gaming_xx]

Holy shit. I’ve never NOT laughed so fucking hard in my life

[cullingofman]

People ripping on him but this was early early in his career. Nowadays his bits and podcasts are fantastic

[geom]

As if a U.S officer will ever allow you to touch them 😂

[MrSEABIE]

My dad was at this show and tried the exact same thing the next day. Growing up without a father was tough but I learned not to listen to comedians about life advice.

[batshitmasterplan]

3 Weeks later:

“Hi, Everyone! Donut here!!!”

[Deathcoreboyband]

“I put my finger to….” *wheeze* “his lips heeee…. And he shot me!”

[mclauala]

Cop: 'Do you know why I pulled you
Suspect: Moves arm
BANG!!
Cop: 'He was reaching'

[marlonmarquez]

he didn't look as rundown and destroyed by alcohol back then. crazy.

[prodnowhere]

and that’s how u get 3 mags dumped into u from point blank range💀