The subtle thing that fuels anxiety - Avoidance - Break the Anxiety Cycle in 30 Days 4/30

In the last video we learned all about the anxiety cycle. Your default mode is safety, if you perceive a threat, have a fear response, then face it or resolve it, your body has a natural ability to shake it off and return to a sense of safety.

But when we perceive something as dangerous and then we avoid it, our brain adapts by upregulating our anxiety.

But here’s the thing. We humans are uniquely just really good at two things, thinking of danger, and avoidance. We have the incredible ability to envision threats that aren’t happening (like worrying if we have enough money for retirement, or imagining people rejecting us) and this can help us prevent problems down the road, but it does keep us in the fear response in the present moment.

And then the second thing we are really good at is using complex and contrived ways to escape discomfort. We’re smart enough to know how to suppress our emotions, we can distract ourselves, procrastinate, find creative ways to avoid people or places that bother us, make excuses, justify ourselves, and just hide from our fears in general. But while avoidance brings us short term relief, it increases anxiety in the long run. We aren’t closing the loop and restoring a sense of safety.

What keeps us anxious?
-Running from our feelings
-Avoiding our problems and
-Immobilization not taking any action. Anxiety isn’t the same as a hot fear response, it’s much more of a cold, frozen dread response. On the polyvagal ladder it hovers between the FFF response and the shut down response.

The world is a safer place. Check out the links below:

Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.

Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC

[Loadofbulltrading]

For me, one of the biggest things that has stunted my mental health growth was actually being an information junky on mental health. That has been my avoidance tactic. I will learn new thing after new thing about how to handle anxiety but instead of using them I will move on to the next video on YouTube teaching me something yet again new to handle anxiety. Once I actually realize this it actually helped me to figure out how to slow down and realize that I actually already have the tools that I need to handle this. Great video

[somethingspecific]

This content is what YouTube was made for. ❤❤

[k.pacificnw]

When she said perfectionism is a form of avoiding I had never heard that before and that spoke to me

[wvxyq]

This is amazing. During these last few months of school, I would constantly find myself dissociating during class. My anxiety manifested as nausea, as an emetophobe, I would start panicking. Due to constant panic attacks at school, I ended up switching to online classes; I spent almost half of my last year of high school in my room, since my friends had to go to school and wake up early, I would rarely go out and when I did go out on the weekends, I sometimes got panic attacks. Then summer came and my friends all left town and went on vacation so I spent at least 3 weeks alone in my room with nothing more than my phone and laptop; my anxiety had never been worse, I started stressing over everything, even sleep so when I tried to go to bed, as I was falling asleep, I would suddenly wake up with nausea and an overwhelming amount of fear. Two weeks later, I was stressing over a family vacation because all these thoughts invaded my head "What if I throw up? What if I faint? I mean, that has never happened before but it could.. I've felt so anxious that I feel nauseous and like i'm going to faint so it definitely could" One week later, we leave for the vacation and none of the things I was worried about happened, in fact, I had an amazing time and I met wonderful people. During the trip, I barely used my phone. I come back home and my anxiety is back. I just turned 18 in July and sometimes it feels like my life is already over before it even started because I can't go out without worrying about nothing, I missed over half of my last year of high school which used to be the place that I loved the most, I can't work, I can't make many friends because I'm scared.. Anxiety has ruined me. Now, I know this comment is really long but I just want to say how wonderful this channel is, I usually never comment on youtube videos but knowing that there's someone out there who understands what I'm going through and hearing it word by word exactly the way I've been experiencing it, makes me feel at ease and like there's still hope, like I don't have to live like this forever, like there's a solution to it and like i can actually get better and I do, I do want to get better and I hope everyone who has to deal with anxiety can get better. Peace.

[jeneuweenlaf]

I agree. Avoidance is the cause of so many of my problems. But I keep doing it. I get into trouble with people all the time bc of this. But the thing is, I can stop avoiding but I don't because I can't, I'm unwilling, I'm lazy, I feel dread whenever I think of it, I sit in front of the computer pleading with myself to do the work, I bang my head against the table top, pomodoro, breaking the task into small pcs, and everything else. I'm torn between self-loathing and self-compassion.

[Anna-mvew]

Vigorous exercise is a GREAT way to stop fearing the anxiety. I joined athletic group sessions in the gym, and essentially it is the same andrenaline that you get from exercise as from anxiety, and when you do it again and again and it feels good and positive, next time you experience anxiety, your body is very familiar with that, and you feel like it's the same positive thing happening to your body. You might even feel brave rather than anxious. However, it is not helping the thinking part of the brain, nor does it help calm the fight-or-flght response. So you still need to solve the root problem. It's just that you wouldn't have anxiety of anxiety anymore

[rajaaminu]

Psilocybin saved my life. I was addicted to heroin for 15 years and after Psilocybin treatment I will be 3 years clean in September. I have zero cravings. This is something that truly needs to be more broadly used in addiction treatment.

[_sunchildd]

do you purposely release these at 2am bc you know people who have anxiety are usually up all night? 😅😂❤❤

[timmytron]

I’ve dealt with on and off panic and anxiety disorder ever since going through a bad earthquake in college. It triggered awful panic attacks and now 28 years later it’ll creep up on me every now and then after periods of really doing well! Your videos have been totally a game-changer for me. I prayed tonight that the Lord would help me get the victory then I found you. Thank you for taking the time, energy and care to go into such detail. I was in the middle of another really bad day and just watching this video and understanding the WHY behind the anxiety has brought calm (along with a few of the great techniques I have now learned).

THANK YOU SO SO MUCH 😭😭

[louern]

this adds a good explanation to why young people have so much anxiety. the younger generations are able to do so much more of this avoidance than older generations.
and yes the world is safer than it was, but all danger shows up on our phones 24/7.
you basically just clarified all my theories … and it’s going to get worse and worse as we do less physical tasks related to our survival

[Khajiit_Kitty]

It’s 2am and I’m stuck in alarm and I love these videos so so much. Thank you!

[princesslola]

I’m hugely struggling with anxiety atm and have to wait almost a year to see a therapist… These videos have been so helpful, if anything a reminder that I won’t always feel this way. Thank you 🙏

[flickwtchr]

Anxiety and depression is rampant in our society largely because of how inequitable it has become. So many people are just overwhelmed with trying to afford housing, healthcare, and the rest. So much "mental illness" is rooted in this.

[petegoestubular]

I don't even have to watch this video to know that one of the ways in which I'm avoiding anxiety is by watching this video

[beans]

This is fascinating. When something negative happens to my kids, i get this urgent feeling to make sure they tak about it so it doeant become a monster in their mind. Also, if they get hurt to do that activity again immediately so they remember it not hurting them, too. Sounds similar to the method of getting back to safety

[jeraldbaxter]

Thank you! You may be an "influencer", but you are one of the rare POSITIVE influencers.

[dheathcote]

Thank you for breaking things into simple to understand, actionable steps. So grateful ❤

[flurven]

Thank you very much for your videos. I have learned a lot from them. I am going through the ”How to process emotions”-series. My new motto is ”Kan man lära hjärnan att må dåligt kan man lära den att må bra också” - ”If you can teach the brain to feel bad, you can teach it to feel well too”. Greetings from Sweden🙂

[Kat]

Emma, your videos have helped me to better understand so much about the anxiety and fears I’ve carried and just settled with for years. Thank you for using your gifting to help so many people. God bless you!

[ncktzeo]

Some anxiety is based around real fears, we make bad decisions and suffer because of them. Anxiety can be caused by real threats that have to be dealt with, anxiety is a very unpleasant state. Nobody wants it, and it is necessary to reduce the amount felt.