“Am I a bad mom if we can’t do a $7k Disney trip?”

Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich talks to David and Kristin, 38 and 32. They share five kids in a blended family and David is getting close to military retirement. The problem is their spending—fueled by emotions alone, they make purchase after purchase, soaring over set budgets and putting the future of their family at risk.

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[ramitsethi]

Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.

[paulaooook]

I had a thought when she was asked “when do you say no?” And actually she says no all the time. To her future self, to being able to retire, to not being a burden to her children. She says no to that every time she caves on a huge expense that will make them happy in the moment.

[RuthBeyond]

People dont understand how easy it is to make kids happy with free activities. I put my kid on a budget at 10. She got $100/month to budget for clothes, birthday gifts etc. The first time she spent her $100 before the end of the month and asked for more I told her we would take it from the next month’s allowance. She freaked out about not having enough the next month. First and only time it happened. By senior year of high school she was getting $250/mo. It was probably the best thing I ever did for training her for adulting. She learned to save for what she wanted, and how to hunt for sales. She became a hardcore thrifter and would joke that she was a hoarder cuz she liked holding on to her money. When she went to college she was shocked to watch friends drink their rent money 2 weeks into the month. Learning how to delay gratification is important. My parents lived in Jamaica and I never said I couldn’t afford things, I just said we had to choose between x or y. Do you want a dress now or do you want to spend it on the beach in Jamaica?

[spencer]

I just called my 84 year old mother and thanked her again for being the BEST mom. She taught me be blessing of delayed gratification and that I couldn't have everything I wanted when I wanted it. "Mom, I want new clothes for school!" Mom: "You have $50 to spend on clothes this year. I would wait two months for them to go on sale, but your choice. When the money's gone, it's gone." "Mom, I want to go to the county fair and ride the rides!" Mom: "You have a choice: county fair rides now or we'll go to Kings Island for a day next month."

And my Mom NEVER changed her mind and relented. Whatever she said was written in concrete - no changes.

[jared]

I knew my parents weren’t happy when they took me to Disney. To this day I can’t go back to Disney Land, even though it’s 1 hour away, because it triggers so much guilt for me.

Children want to see you be happy.

[FIREownyourtime]

$200+k salary and paycheck to paycheck... Yikes...

When your kids are teens, you need to sit them down, tell them your entire paycheck and show them the house budget, how much it takes to run the family, why we say yes and no base on the budget. Why we need emergency funds, thats how kids learn. Too many kids don't know what and how much it takes to run a family, so if you don know, you would ask for the sun and moon and every thing in between.

For the Hawaii trip, let your daughter google up the trip cost, planes, food, hotel and all for 2'3, 4 people and ask her how to come up with that amount and ask her if thats reasonable for a grad vacation or would it be a reasonable decision to put it toward college or a car? Life is always making decisions and compromises with opportunity costs.

They are going to be house poor. $175 per month for vacations and no savings is a bad idea. This means, moving forward they will only have $2400 to spend on vacation once a year and hope nothing else breaks at home.

[thand]

Buying an $8.5k upgraded wedding ring, where you need to put $3k on a credit card, kind of throws some doubt in the whole argument of "I only do it for my kids."

[maryanngrow]

She's tearful because she says that she helps family members and friends with money, but then says no to herself. What about the $8, 000 ring from Zales and the $600, 000 house? I think she takes care of herself quite fine.

[vanessaroque]

Military retirement and he is banking on disability, that's why they purchased the house now. Buddy....fellow vet family here, took us 19 years to reach 100%. Don't bank on it. This scares me! Better budget that $2, 700 income first.

[simsamurai]

Starting off with "you guys like getting played by your kids?" is wild

[mikaelaziegler]

His oldest daughter asked for a trip to Hawaii for her high school graduation AND to bring a friend?? Omg I could never. She needs to learn that things are worked for and earned, not just twist daddy’s arm and you get it.

[darbymori]

I pay cash for Disney trips, so I make sure we have the $ before making reservations. Vacations are a privilege, not a 'right'

[paulaooook]

There is also a darker analogy that she might need to examine. And that is that her mother also did what felt good and wanted to be a “good mother” and bought her daughter everything she wanted. Now that daughter painfully yearns to retire her mother so she wouldn’t have to work so hard, because she didn’t plan for her own retirement. What do you think will come of Kristen’s kids? What could she do to prevent that now?

[ousfo]

I just want to say… I would never have had the balls to ask my parents for trip to Hawaii for graduation 😂.

[AS-kfol]

As a Latina currently taking care of many many people in my family as I am the only person doing well.... This is the first episode that really connected with me. Thank you Kristin for telling your story. You are not alone. There's so much guilt. I get it. But as Ramit said, you have to choose you. Your marriage. Your life. Your future. You are worth it. You deserve a "yes" too.

[andresgarciacastro]

We need to redifine "great experiences". Taking a hike, spending an afternoon at the park with friends, playing a board game, watching a You don't need lot's of money for most stuff.

[renataturcan]

I really enjoyed how towards the end they were waking up to many realizations. I hope they truly work together and solve these issues. On another tangent, I was listening to this episode while picking up my 7 year old daughter from school. I had to pause and tell her " This is why mommy says "no" to many of your wants. To teach you to say "no" to your future children". Later on, she relayed the message to her 12 year old brother. :)

[FIREownyourtime]

The big elephant in the room is the house with zero savings. $600k borrowed at 6% is paying $36k interest only to the banks annually, plus property taxes, insurance, HOA and utilities. All this with one month out from being flat out broke. How are they paying for mortgage if the roof leaks, water heater breaks, mom get laid off or if kids need braces, college fee, car purchase??

Plus they are only budgeting for year 1 of home ownership. We all know that property taxes and insurance only goes one way.. UP UP UP... My payment went from $1400 initially to $1900 now due to escrow (taxes and insurance) buyer beware!!!

[KaiSano]

I can’t fathom David’s idea of only taking 2 of his kids to go on this trip because we don’t have enough in our budget, what?! If you don’t have enough in the budget then go somewhere else where you can take all of them.
As a dad myself, it’s so weird to hear that you’re willing to leave other kids at home and only take a couple of them out…

[kenwilliams]

It is interesting how many times we hear "Its 0% interest, its OK!". Just because there's no interest DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOU DON'T HAVE THE MONEY FOR THE ITEM! Thanks to the couple for sharing their financial life online. I learn from each episode and try to resist myself some of the issues I see.