You're always there for the narcissist, but it is NEVER enough

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[patricedesvarieux]

“Narcissists don’t do happy; they do CONTROL.” Thank you Dr. Ramani.

[marieborchardt]

A "people pleaser" all my life and I'm done, finally realized I can't make people happy and I won't feel guilty for not trying. It's time to just be my own happy self and let others take responsibility for themselves. 🙃

[SSmith-qefc]

I thought something was wrong with me for always feeling exhausted and no longer wanting to be around people anymore. Nothing I do or accomplish is ever good enough and is worst than everyone else. Thank you for helping me cut through the fog.

[jaynec]

100% true. With narcissists you are only as good as you were yesterday. Every day they suck the life out of you.

[PamdaBear]

Idk why but "they don't do 'happy', they do control" just really made an impression. It's like they just refuse to allow goodness they have to strong-arm it until its dead then resent it for no longer being happy

[germainetanjiemin]

“There is no version of this story where you will do enough for them.” This is so true.

[panfried]

"Narcissists DON'T DO HAPPY. They do control". Narcissists are absolutely CLUELESS on what happiness entails and go about chasing it the wrong way - by hurting those closest to them!

WOW! what a great video!
thanks, Dr. Ramani

[art_nouvelle]

I see the narcissist as a black hole or bottomless void. All that you do for the narcissist and all the compromises/sacrifices you make is lost on them. So always do what's best for you and not what's best for the narcissist. That's the lesson I learnt after all my dealings with the narcissist anyway.

[cuddlemuff]

"Shaming you for having needs and shaming you for having a separate self outside of them and expecting you to remain hostage to them - well that's theft - So true! I've noticed how getting caught up in this web of demands and belittlement has somehow made interactions with other people exhausting. Still working on my recovery. Thanks for this, Dr Ramani.

[Molly-eqix]

As terrible as it sounds, my narc parents thankfully died early. But they gave me the gift that keeps on giving - believing my needs were not important. I had a 48 year marriage to a narcissist - somebody my parents loved more than me - and he picked up where they left off. Now that I'm a widow, I'm trying to find out who I am. I'm trying to understand I deserve as much as I've given to others. Thanks for all of your insights.

[katesmith]

I was raised to serve and to obey my parents. I was not allowed to have my own private life and circle of friends. When I found a wonderful and loving man, he was rejected and painted black by my mother. She hated him for his importance in my life. She tried to end my relationship. She even told me to chose between him and her. For the last 20 years I've been loved and protected by my husband. He was the reason I escaped my toxic parents. He taught me how to love without conditions, how to live happily, how to leave past behind and how to forgive myself and my parents. I rarely see my parents. I grey rock them when me meet. Needless to say, they still hate him for changing me and taking their slave away. It took me a lot of time to come to terms with my childhood and my toxic family. I have forgiven but not forgotten. The knowledge of their real characters keeps me away from harms's way.

[IleneBarnes]

EVERY DAY, ALL DAY!!! NOTHING was ever enough!! Finally left after "YEARS", I am gaining energy, and getting my life back!!!Thank you Dr.Ramani!!

[BigHeartNoBS]

I wrote that in my diary when I was 20 about my "family".... "Nothing I ever do is good enough."

[finnsya]

I'm learning to drop-kick the guilt and listen to my instincts. People (not just narcs) know when you're "nice" and some will try to exploit you because of that. Now, if I don't want to do something being asked of me, I don't. I'm finding it incredibly empowering to simply say no without any fake excuses, lies, or explanations. Like this: No.😐



😁

[lorainenatalino]

This was absolutely my childhood….I refused to let her break me through…in response I became ultra-independent…since I never felt like I could rely on her, learned to do everything for myself….now, at 63 I’m just getting to the point where I can trust others to help…it feels good to finally accept from others…

[moniquejackson]

I found this so validating. I was starting to wonder if I was developing agoraphobia, but exhaustion is right on target. Sometimes the thought of having to set boundaries, even with healthy people, feels overwhelming.

[laurenceboischot]

This hit home. It's only recently, after living in a different country from my family for almost 10 years, that I've realised I didn't feel allowed to want what I want - let alone ask for it. At times I didn't even know what my preferences were... I'm getting better, though. It's a slow process, but it's exhilarating. Thank you, as always, Dr. R. <3

[BrianCimins]

After realizing that I was pouring love and effort into a black hole of a narcissistic person, I withdrew from my entire public life. I evenly secretly wrote something called “More Was Never Enough” and then “God’s Love is More than Enough”. Without my relationship with our kids and most importantly Jesus, I easily could have given up. Please never give up, there is love & life after narcissistic abuse. Cutting this person out of my life distanced me from a daily negative and demoralizing voice I just didn’t need or want in life…and the bright future is unfolding more and more every day. Keep walking by faith and not by sight

[shelley]

This is why I've always been happiest when I've lived alone. I grew up feeling responsible for other people's feelings thanks to my parents and their crappy, never ending fighting relationship. I wish I would have learned this earlier in life, but it's better later, than never. At least now I know what and whom I'm dealing with, and I know that their emotional well being is not my responsibility. It's very freeing when you learn to let go. :)

[delicate.mascara]

My ex friend thought everything I did was some sort of plot against her. It was exhausting to try to reassure her and try and prove my good intentions, or just to say like "just because I did a thing for personal growth without including you or informing you, it doesn't mean I'm trying to sneak behind your back. I'm a separate person!" I'm so glad to not be on those eggshells anymore.