American Guy Reacts to British Passive Aggressiveness: The Polite Way to Be Rude?

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[HankD]

As a native Brit I really struggle to agree with her overall. Yep, we do use a great deal of sarcasm and understatement - but it is a lot more nuanced and subtle than she implies. I do agree, many Americans (and my HK wife!) in my experience takes things very literally when it totally wrong to do so. The British tend to avoid being literal - unless you think you are talking to an idiot.

[AnthonyValentine-vmyc]

I'm from Merseyside, I don't think the good people from Yorkshire are subtle! LOL! 'They call a spade a spade'. Which I admire, you know where you stand.

[TrudyBusterKittyMadness]

Scot 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿here her video was quite negative. It's more nuanced than implied in the video. The passive aggressive as she puts it is more banter you can say something impolite to someone and depending on the tone used can actually be more of a term of endearment or it can be an actual insult. Context and situation matter. As a non native as she puts it isn't going to understand the cues and slang the conversation will adapt. Probably need to watch 80s/90s British comedy to give you a better idea.
It's also not all the time brits can be brutally direct aswell. Body language is key.

[Isleofskye]

My favourite technique at 70 in London is to do something that I have never seen anyone else do in an argument. If I am letting my dogs off the lead, in the park, and someone with a dog on the lead objects and it starts getting a little heated, I let them vent their anger and then, I, PASSIONATELY, argue THEIR case more fervently than they are doing. lol For example: "Yes, but you have done EVERYTHING yo can to avoid conflict! You walked your dog as far away as possible from mine, you have kept your dogs on a leash. You have told mine to go away. You could NOT have done more!!" .This leaves them with nowhere to go so they just walk away while I am still vexing on THEIR behalf...LOL

[Isleofskye]

I am 70 and the unspoken point is that, in general, Males and Females often have a different stance. Most Males and older Females are much less likely to send out "mixed messages". You, pretty much, know where you stand but that, certainly, does not apply with many Women who will do anything to avoid perceived, confrontation. Personally, I have a very well-developed sense of the absurd and if not interested, then I will be extra friendly and with a big smile say "I could not be less interested".Or if someone is trying to sell me a money-making scheme and, I lie, and say, "Will this make me money?" When they say "YES!" I say with mock indignation "Thanks a bunch, I already don't know what to do with all the money that I already have!"..lol

[Isleofskye]

Another technique, that again, few use, is to "flip" the real situation so that the other person is the "victim" that concentrates their mind much more and makes it more relatable to them and likely to come round to your point of view.
For example, if someone has a habit of being late so: "Imagine you waiting for someone and wasting your time hanging around because they value their time more than they value yours "!!!

[wasp]

There are two words which can convey many different meanings, depending on the inflexion of the voice. Those two words are, Oh, Really. Depending on the voice inflexion, they can mean you are interested in what a person is saying. Or, used as sarcasm, meaning the person thinks you are an idiot. Again, depending on inflexion, saying oh really can mean the person thinks you are boring.

[ummbop]

I'm british and I love silence, much rather than think about what matters than listen to someone talking for the sake of talking. Personally I think feeling awkward in silence is a wealness

[MarkmanOTW]

The video (reacted to) provided some good context to explain the historical aspect, however she presents it from an avoidant, self conscious perspective. Use of understatement and euphemisms can be used to liven up conversation and demonstrate assertiveness and intelligence. Many Brits love to see clever use of these approaches used by a strong character - the weight and gravitas of a person can be felt in controlled understatement. Sometimes it can be used brilliantly to diffuse a tense situation, relax people, and cause laughter and cooperation.
Its fair to say that use of language in this way help Brits judge each other's intelligence, background, and level of maturity and standards. Picking the right moments to be either subtle, indirect or direct demonstrates someone's emotional intelligence. Skilful use and choice of language used can bring admiration from others (like performing a dance), which many of us hone and try to embellish throughout our lives to enhance our social acceptability. Equally, purposeful misuse for humorous affect is often used by British comedians to misdirect or shock audiences as it steps on the accepted norms of society 'rules' and politeness - which many of us Brits find very funny. 😄

[emmafrench]

So I suppose from what you said, New Yorkers, (Americans) just get straight to the point. Interesting. I haven't watched it all yet so I might comment again. If not, thank you for your videos I find them very entertaining. Also, I love your enthusiasm for Halloween 🎃. I love autumn anyway but walking around on 31st October is always a lovrly, eerie atmosphere even though we don't celebrate it as much as you do.✌🇬🇧