The Toll of a Diagnosis: A Conversation on Life, Death, and Healing

Although everyone processes grief differently, there can be comfort in sharing our honest reactions to a terminal diagnosis. In an emotionally candid conversation, brought to us by our partners at Exact Sciences, Katie speaks with three different women about how they processed- and are still processing- their own experiences with grief.
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[eelnoops]

Thank you for starting this conversation and bringing awareness to the topic. I was diagnosed with cancer not quite 2 months ago. I immediately needed to have a surgery, and was in the hospital for two weeks after walking into the ER for abdominal pain that wasn't resolving. From the hospital I went to stay at my mom's house for both of our peace of mind. I came home to my apartment after not being there for 7 weeks. It was so weird to see it exactly as I left it before everything in my world changed. It felt so strange to look around at what my life used to look like when I believed that my future was certain and everything felt okay. The tools from my trade, a half finished estimate I was preparing for a potential customer. It's accepting the new normal, and telling other people about this change that is the most difficult part of this for me so far. Two months in, and I still haven't found a good, simple way to have that conversation. Meeting new people can get awkward, like if they ask what I do. I explain that I have had to stop working, and am compelled to explain why. They feel bad for asking even though there is no reason for them to feel bad about trying to get to know me. I feel bad for bringing this awkwardness into the encounter. Isolating becomes the easier, albeit more dangerous, option. People navigate this every day, and so will I, but videos like this are tremendously helpful. Thank you.

[papabear]

Beautiful interview. Questions were asked so sensitively and respectfully.

[aluaarthur]

i'm so grateful to have been a part of this necessary conversation. much appreciation for jen and kate's stories and vulnerability which will be healing for others.

[CocosCaravan]

Thank you for sharing my story and having this conversation! I feel so grateful to be apart of this!

[laurabealmear]

Thank you for this conversation, my husband of 27 yrs is right now a cancer survivor, he is on a daily chemo pill that is maintaining his remission, we don’t talk at all about his mental state of just getting up daily and going to work ect! I’m so glad I listened to this conversation, so I future conversations I have a direction if need be❤️

[camillep]

Wonderful clear, concise and generous offerings 👏👏❤️💪 Well done Katie

[m.arya.m]

Jen you thinking that he will be fine and get through this even in his last moments was you convincing your anxiety that everything will be alright. That nothing will go wrong. What you said helped me realize that I do that too a lot with my anxiety

[caryngoldsmith]

Such an important topic, with three critical perspectives. Katie’s questions were on-point and sensitive. I’m a 15-year cancer Stage 3 survivor; plus I’ve been a caregiver to two best friends lost too early to cancer. We all can only do our best.

[janetmctighe]

My heart breaks for Jennifer. But her husband was so young. I am a Nurse and I can tell you that I have taken care of people in their 80s and 90s and their families are still holding on to hope and wanting EVERYTHING done. She is so brave to be raising those 2 beautiful boys, she needs to let go of her regrets and know she did the best thing she could do for her husband-she loved him.

[emilypinto]

All of these women are so brave. Thank you to all of them for talking about something that feels impossible to talk about.

[jayeroseborough]

People need SO much help in this area. Thank you, Katie for continuing this important conversation in such a real way.
Jaye

[colleen]

I'm a Hospice and Palliative Registered Nurse and Educator of nearly 20 years. Thank you for bringing this important conversation to every one to hear.

[siennamiller]

Culturally Americans don't deal with death well. I've noticed other countries that celebrate a person's death for over a week which I thnk is great for healing. However, I'm not sure about dealing with the emotions while the person is dying. Good video 🙏🏾.

[chinookvalley]

My neighbor and best friend just committed suicide. My heart is breaking. We THINK he was given a terminal diagnosis... He was always so happy, so positive. If he had only talked to us, just let us know how he was feeling, just something. He went camping and didn't come home. He was courageous, and I miss him terribly.

[hjmkzyt]

Thank you so much, all of you who participated in this. It's very helpful.

[suzkiley]

I have stage 4 MBC Breast cancer. Thank you for this conversation. I do feel honesty is the first thing you lose. Also, isolation, loss of your previous life and identity. I do feel bad for my family, and often hold back what I am feeling because its depressing and hard for others to hear.
Put simply...Cancer sucks.

[wackOslimO]

This is a beautiful way to explore the topic

[beckyjohnson]

Thank you, to all of you, for sharing so transparently, from each perspective.

Sometime on October 14, 2021, I read an article in which it stated Katie Couric, in her new book, and in discussing her husband's cancer and death had said something to the effect of, "I had spent so much time helping him live well, I only wish I would have helped him to die well." That was poignant!

The very next day I drove to my dad's appointment with his oncology nurse, where I would be with him and his wife, and then sit with him during radiation. That appointment was an hour and a half, and everything shifted when his nurse said, "I think you're nearing the end of life."

Within days he was on hospice. He lived until March 12, 2022. Throughout this time, and on the back of my heart was always this idea of "helping him to die well." I visited him often; spent many days and weekends and weeks with him in that five month time frame. I heard many conversations. And, yes, many want to think positive and offer hope that is dependent on different circumstances. Sometimes I found myself frustrated and weary, for honesty is a casualty in so many areas of our lives.

After what was a lifelong challenging relationship, I had the honor of being with him at the end. The last sixteen days of his life, and the moment he breathed his last breath, I was there. In the fashion of a "death doula" I was caring for my dad. It was the most honorable thing I have ever done in my life; a life that has not witnessed death, nor lost a close family member before. These were all very much uncharted waters, and a school in which I learned much, and continue to glean much!

As it was then, so it continues to be now, that faith is the lens through which I am able to view the entire scope of what I witnessed. At the very end, when he was no longer able to communicate, I would go to his bedside and lean over to him and speak a phrase from one of his favorite Scriptures, Psalm 23, "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me, " and I would add, "You are not alone, dad, He is with you."

Watching my dad slowly disappear and finally die was not without deep sorrow and grief! But it was also not without Hope! For even in death there is Hope.

I will share some of what I shared at his service in April for anyone in need of Hope that transcends our circumstances:

Last October I took my dad for a ride in his car. It was one of those gorgeous fall days; the weather was warm and the sun was making everything glow. I mentioned to dad how beautiful the trees were, so ablaze with color. He replied that he wasn’t a fan of fall because it meant winter was coming. He never did like the snow & cold! I responded, “But we have to have winter to get to spring.”

I have thought of that conversation periodically over these last almost six months. It was not only revealing as to the season in life he would soon face, but it serves as a reminder now that spring has come. Of all the seasons we get to experience in Colorado, spring is the only one which speaks in quiet evidence of the resurrection, and in a language we can all understand: new life & vibrant colors bursting forth, the dead & gray are no more.

Jesus called Himself the Resurrection and the Life. He said, “Whoever continues to believe in Me will live right on, though He dies.” He is the living One Who was dead but is alive forevermore.

Dad enjoyed the Gaither’s and they wrote and performed a song called, Because He Lives, with lyrics like this:

Because He lives I can face tomorrow
Because He lives all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living
Just because He lives.

What a glorious ripple effect His living offers us: He is a Friend of sinners; He is Rest for our weariness; Healing for our brokenness; Freedom for our chains. He is Courage in our fear; Strength in our weakness; Light in our darkness; Peace in our turmoil, and He is Joy even as we mourn.

The last verse in the song Because He lives goes like this:

And then one day I’ll cross the river
And I’ll fight life’s final war with pain
And then as death gives way to victory
I’ll see the lights of glory
And I’ll know He reigns.

Dad has fought life’s final war with pain, his death has given way to victory, he has seen the lights of glory, and now that faith and hope have been realized and are no longer needed, he knows that Jesus reigns. He reigns over cancer and He reigns over death!

So whatever the season on the calendar or in life we may find ourselves, though death and disease still touch us, along with a myriad of other ways this world tempts us to lose hope; He is ever and always our living hope, and because He lives we can face tomorrow.

[Jooliecn]

Such a helpful interview around on the topic of death. It is interesting that those dying can feel alone even when surrounded by loves ones. I love what was said about death in the end. It’s about allowing people to be human, finite, and messy. We give them the space to be that.

[analilapayne]

Just so beautiful, thanks for sharing, an endless gratitude for this program, I know in my heart that my dad is listening it with me now and forever to the expanding universe .