We don't have time to think on our loneliness

Loneliness is something that many of us are likely to experience at any moment in our lives. According to the WHO, we are in the midst of a loneliness epidemic. But we often don’t even have time to think about that.

Dostoevsky wrote in his White Nights classic short story about loneliness and it made me reflect more on this topic: why I have been feeling lonely lately, what might have led to this epidemic, how Dostoevsky managed to transcend time and space with his writing and what’s my interpretation of the story itself which is often seen simply as a sad romance.

Sources:
Fyodor Dostoevsky - White Nights

Check out my other videos:

Music:
Swan Lake Suite, Op 20 Scene Enchanted Lake
Sad Minuet - Sir Cubworth
Ludwig van Beethoven - Piano Sonata No. 14, Op. 27 - I. Adagio sostenuto
The Shining in Dubai - Unicorn Heads
Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky - The Year 1812, Solemn Overture, Op. 49

Chapters:
0:00 Intro
1:11 Loneliness and Dostoevsky
4:49 My loneliness
7:55 Contributing factors
16:42 White nights
24:59 Closing

[adelina_bonca]

Hi! Thanks for taking the time to watch this video. I’ve reflected a lot on loneliness lately and it’s been quite difficult to talk about it and share my personal take on it here. Let me know if you’ve experienced loneliness yourself and how you've dealt with it.

[RDsLibrary]

This is a really interesting and thought-provoking video, so thanks for sharing your thoughts and personal experience. I’m keen to read the book, but I’ll wait until I’m in the mood for something sad.

The definition of loneliness is really interesting, particularly the word ‘meaningful’. I wonder if that’s why young people (who probably spend more time on social media) feel lonely? There’s a lot of interaction on social media, yet little is meaningful - it’s mainly superficial likes and one sentence engagement rather than anything of substance. Maybe it depends on how each person defines ‘meaningful’?

As a shy introvert, the gap between my desired and actual connection is small, but I have experienced loneliness now and again. It’s not a chronic loneliness like the Dreamer in White Nights, but a temporary situation that most people probably feel. It’s not that nobody gets me, it’s that sometimes I don’t get everybody else. The things people want to do or the views they hold don’t interest me, and I’m not willing to do something or become somebody else just for companionship. That said, I’m lucky enough to work with people who provide fun and meaningful interaction, and who I feel seen by, yet I still get to have my alone time after work. I don’t have any advice because loneliness is a personal experience. However, what’s worked for me is keeping occupied physically by playing football, doing activities I enjoy with people from work (pub quizzes and cinema) and avoiding those that make me feel anxious (parties and karaoke). I’ve also deleted most of my social media because I don’t enjoy the asymmetrical and somewhat artificial relationship. I’d love to join some local clubs that interest me, but it’s just not me :) I think meaningful connection depends on having time (as you mentioned) to get to know and trust other people so that they are willing to open up, but that’s hard when everybody is working, have other priorities and are looking to move on in life. It was much easier during my time at uni.

From the quotes, it sounds like it’s a personality thing for The Dreamer. He’s shy, very introverted and lives mostly in his head. He wants interactions to be intellectually and soulfully meaningful, rather than ‘just’ something that’s entertaining, distracting or fun. I can empathise with some of that. Has he become a Dreamer because he doesn’t get the social interaction he craves, or is he already a Dreamer and looking only for meaningful connection, which people rarely have? I take it Nastenka is real and not some fantasy interaction he created to alleviate his loneliness (because 'losing' her would be even sadder). Anyway, sorry for the long comment. I hope you're loneliness was fleeting and you're feeling OK now.

[ToReadersItMayConcern]

Sometimes the loneliness I feel is one of too much familiarity: I hear repetition in speech and ideas, and it makes me feel like rather than connecting with someone's honesty, I'm connecting with someone's presentation, and that is lonely. In conversation we have a chance to escape social constraints, to become free in intimate truth, and when that is sacrificed for a smooth set of talking points, we become banners of identifiers waving about with our tongues. That saddens me sometimes.

EDIT: This is an incredible video. Just got to the end. Thank you for sharing with us and for working so hard on this. 🙏

[Bobbie-csure]

I attended a appreciation of donors event tonight, Friday, at my local public library. While everyone congregated in their own circles, talking and socializing, no one daring to step out of line, I remained in the background feeling isolated and alone, no one else around me. That’s ok. That’s my choice. I’ve always stayed to myself so I can’t complain or wish sympathy……. I read “White Nights “, ironically, checked out from that same library!

[MindfulLittleVoid]

I’ve been really struggling with socialising and getting out of my social bubble, I clicked on your video on a whim not knowing what to really expect and having not heard of the book. But this video helped me discover a whole new side to loneliness and I don’t think I’ve felt more scene or heard from YouTube video. I really needed this, so thank for all the time and effort you put into creating this.

[SimonLaird]

Your video looks great! What software do you use to make it?