Devil Pact Warlock Employee Training Video

Welcome to Asmodeus Investment Firm! We know you're going to fit in here just fine! Thank you for becoming a Devil Pact Warlock. It's your job to guide mortals and make deals with devils.

Beginning and Ending Song from Youtube Audio Library:
"Everything where it needs to be" by Nat Keefe & Hot Buttered Rum

[teeny]

Now i just want to play a Devil's Pact Warlock who's a lawyer

[ajsenpai]

Me as both a warlock player and a dm taking notes


"WRITE THAT DOWN! WRITE THAT DOWN!"

[the_hanged_clown]

remember kids, necromancy is just healing without giving up!

[FaeQueenCory]

"Don't say 'enslaved'; say 'contractually motivated'."
Ben, when you do a parody, you're supposed to actually change the words not just repeat the real life corporate statements verbatim.

[archellothewolf]

I did something similar with a high CHA Wizard once. Created a soul based pyramid scheme and made pamphlets to advertise my company's various payment plans. Even made IRL copies to hand to the GM/party for the meme. I eventually DID turn it into a legitimate business offering a legitimate service, so when I offered to join the BBEG's side with my army of "contractually obligated employees" in exchange for my life, he was intrigued. My party watched in horror as I gave the pitch and handed the GM a pamphlet. As the BBEG, the GM opened up the pamphlet and went from intrigued, to confused, then upset. I had written the words "Glyph of Warding: Acid. Make a DEX save" on the inside of the pamphlet with a sharpie. Was holding on to that pamphlet for months waiting for an opportunity to use it. Best way to start a fight.

[Kayem]

Something tells me you've worked in a corporate environment before.

[turbo_kats]

"Negative Body State Gains"
if that isn't the most convoluted Lawyer description of death, I don't know what is.

[noblebork]

This is why I'm with Hexblade LLC. They have all this and you get to focus on your client specifically, allowing you to better deal with their issues, such as:
- Stagnation of health
- increased identification of critical weaknesses, and the open presenting of said weaknesses.
- Easy, specialized soul transfers
- Specialized equipment
And
- Co-dependent relationship with your employer.

[RatRatRattyRatRat]

"Don't forget to sign the wedding registry"
"This is an asmodean index"
*Racks shotgun* "Sign the registry"

[someguy]

My management legitimately used the term "Contractually Motivated, " in a memo and holy christ does Enslaved just fit the bill so well.

[JustinY.]

I imagine Puffin playing this video to his friends when anyone wants to go as a warlock.

[Overused_Toothbrush]

My brother plays as a necromancer and is “David S. Pumpkins”. He has a whole suit and it’s dope.

[steel]

I thought this was in the "intentionally shitty 90s corporate training video" but turns out YouTube was just set to 144p for some reason.

That said I like the MLM hunbot style dnd class.

[altromonte]

Before the course-
"What will it cost?"
"Everything!"
What a blunder. But after the course...
"What will it cost?"
"Oh, not much."
👍Great success!👍

[Audiotrocious]

Flashbacks to Doom Eternal:
“Remember, demon is an offensive term.”

Yes, I am aware there are differences between Devils (Hell/Lawful) and Demons (Abyss/Chaotic) in Dungeons&Dragons.

[zombielizard]

"Asmodeus Investment Firm, where finance meets fun"
You could say it's a hell of a good time.

[thatpedanticcommenter]

Boomer Devil: "Argh, all these kids these days with their Hazbin Hotels and their Asmodeus MLMs! Back in my day we had to MAKE mortals know we were powerful, we had to make them know we were in charge! None of this sissy business deal crap, no! Hell was GREAT AND TERRIBLE because we made it that way!"
Zoomer Devil: "OK, Dante..."

[seanmcfadden]

And now I want to see a "Health Class" video on Wild Magic Sorcerers. "Your uncontrollable powers and you!"

[shadowdragon]

ngl this actually sounds like a hot deal of a job offer. free dental, Pensions, AND paid leave?

[hangmanmatt]

Our human cleric worships Asmodeus and he is our party's lawyer. I sent him this video to see if we should make this more canon to his character.