#BREAKINGNEWS: Students in #Texas will see something new in their classroom when they return

[BlueBeetle]

"At least theyre not shoving it down our throats"

[bigtex]

The Bible says his rod and staff will comfort us.

[henfries]

Finally, people are addressing the real issues in our schools.

[realafyknow]

its grey sweatpant season in the kingdom of his hungneess

[MagicEye]

As a Texan, im surprised this hasn't already happened.

[abdullahelamin]

He's called the father for a reason.

[Person-efxj]

Imagine if in the future people forget about the Onion and a future archiologist finds this and people think this was an actual news story from 2023.

[artjackson]

Even though it’s The Onion, it’s believable that this can happen in Texas.

[tctheunbeliever]

As a Texan, I can say this is perfectly on point.

[YatuXu]

Let's be honest, this isn't the worst case of conservatives forcing minors to look at a grown man's genetalia

[MrManMuff]

I'm a mural painter in Houston, this law, though controversial has been a godsend in a bad economy . But the actual letter of the law is;
Article 6, section 12: "Any depiction of Christian God and / or Jesus shall prominently display the phallus/ genitalia in a COVERED state, with said depiction to exceed normal standards of length/girth and beauty."
I'm currently renovating a fresco in the Cathedral of the Sacred Heart in downtown Houston, it's a depiction of Jesus upsetting the money changers tables from Mark 11:15.
Now Jesus is triumphantly clearing the coins from the tables with his enormous turgid cock.
I'm extremely proud of this one, God bless 🙏

[RealIronyIsGood]

The onion has to go super hard to make satire that isn't real these days.

[philoctetes_wordsworth]

You have no idea how close to reality this truly is.

[CSPaffy]

This is great. I usually only see the onions fake reddit threads, which suck. But im glad they actually make skits still

[georgiob]

What's wrong with phallic worship? We were the norm 2k years ago

[RyuLongRHOG]

I like it how as the video progresses, the description gets more direct.

[necrocomicon]

I believe the proper term is shmeat cannon

[deverashb.]

Yet again, the Onion getting to close to line between satire and news.

[qtfy]

i swear i will get onion's shorts sometimes and not realise it's from onion and then i'll be like "no way" and then get relief when i see the channel

[IsraelDFender]

When one person is delusional, it’s called insanity. When many people are delusional, they call it religion!