My Eating Disorder Story: Anorexia and Bulimia

This is my story about my eating disorder and how I recovered. I’m opening up for the first time and sharing the pain and sadness I experienced for years through starvation and bulimia followed by food addiction. But there is hope. And I’m living proof that life is beautiful, and you CAN get through it.

If you, or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, here is an awesome resource for support, treatment options, and many eating disorder-related resources:
National Eating Disorder Association:
800-931-2237

PS: I always get a ton of requests when I post photos or videos with the heart canvas that's in this video, and while we purchased this one several years ago, here are a couple of similar ones:

Let’s Connect:

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[kaityparsons]

The anorexia to bulimia dilemma is such an epidemic that isnt talked about as much as it should. You're either labeled as a bulimic or anorexic, but they are so intertwined.

[Olivia_Rose_]

You have no idea how much I needed this. When I searched ‘anorexia story’ I had hoped to see a series of photos of seriously underweight girls just to emphasise the feeling of inadequacy and push me to breaking point, to tempt me back into restricting food and losing weight. In watching this video, I suddenly feel like a weight has been lifted, its like someone else understands and I’m not alone. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️

[jaimetrone]

Heidi! I never knew! I remember in HS how small you were and I would be lying if I said I didn’t wonder, but I always said to myself there was no way. You were so “healthy” with all the activities you were involved in etc. But more than anything else, I remember how kind you were to everyone. You were the nicest person in our class for sure! Thanks for sharing your story. I know it will help many people. 💜💜

[ruzicavasic]

You were not selfish, you were sick . Dont be hard on yourself, this is disorder not a choice ♥️

[pattirodzewich]

I am now 65.
Omg you are telling my 4 decade eating disorder story.
Thank you for your share 🙏🏻❤️
My ED was my oxygen. The only way I could survive in this world I was not prepared to face.
I was a restricting anorexic for my first 7 years of my ED which started my senior year of HS.
I made it through college.
I became an RN. This is when the purging started.
I wanted to be a part of our nursing potlucks.
I panicked after eating a chicken wing.
I remember my grandma always telling me that if I eat something that upset my stomach It was OK to throw up.
I went to the hospital BR and my 4 decades of purging began.
I changed to Anorexia subtype BP.
When I binged I was eating all my feelings for that day.
When I got home I would purge all the food which equaled my feelings and the people I was upset at that day
because I did not know how to express my feelings.
I would cry when I was binging. I felt like an alien landed in me and I couldn’t get away.
I had to purged every morsel of food I ate. This was such a great release of emotions.
Fast forward to today with many years of therapy I have been able to free myself from this alien and
my ED.
I love my life. I am about to retire from nursing in 4 years.
Blessings and prayers to all who are going through their own journey with an ED 🙏🏻❤️

[justmeemi]

I burst into tears from minute 17 onwards... that's where I'm currently stuck and I can totally relate to hating the purge and being addicted to the emptiness...

[janettecastillo]

This is powerful. As an educational psychologist it’s empowering to so many women to hear your story. Our young girls starve themselves in search of the perfect body. Thank you for sharing.

[erin]

Not me deleting my history while watching this just in case! This was so on point thank you so much for the peace and safe space you’ve created through this video!

[kyliekwonn]

i can relate to this in so many ways. even though i am only 14 i have been struggling for over a year now and i don’t know how to get help. being a dancer, i have always felt that i’m too big and i don’t have the body everyone views as pretty. this ed has been the hardest thing i’ve ever gone through and everyday i just wanna starve and be skinny, but all i can think about is binging. i wanna recover but i’m embarrassed to ask for help. thank you for motivating me to get help and for making me feel less alone❤️

[mrmrsmsmisscloud]

I’m glad it didn’t effect your fertility and that you were able to go on and become a mother.

[laurazeman]

I agree that it's not your parents "fault" but gosh at 8 years old I wouldn't even have the vocabulary or conception of some of these ideas like feeling "fat" or "thin" in a leotard wasn't even in my consciousness at that age.

[littililith]

This is one of the best videos of this kind that I have seen on here! I think you are so reflective and insightful with your own journey because you have been processing your illness for many years now! Having this kind of distance actually makes this video less triggering than others and I thank you for that!

[jennlendvay]

Thank You!!! I couldn't agree more about always being an "addict" and battling an eating disorder. I'm 42, spent 2 years as an anorexic and 11 as a bulimic. Still have moments of struggle. Thank you for sharing your story!!! It's very difficult for outsiders to understand sometimes. I appreciate you sharing!!

[sarahrunkle]

Thank you for sharing Heidi, I suffered anorexia though out high school and into my late 20's. Body dysmorphia is still a demon I deal with daily.

[abranna]

😭😭😭😭 tears flowed from my eyes during your entire video. While I have not struggled with what you have, I do struggle with binge eating which has caused me to gain over 100lbs. Food is pleasure and enjoyment but it’s also distraction and escape from any problem in life. When I’m sad I eat, when I’m happy I eat. It’s a never ending cycle and I don’t know how to break it. I actually applied to be on EWL 8 years ago hoping that would solve my problems, but know that literally nothing will solve these problems except for me diving into it head first. As someone who is 300 lbs and married to a personal trainer, it is hard. All this to say, I am grateful for this video. You are brave for sharing your story. Thank you for making me feel like I’m not alone.

[TheJeter]

I’m battling anorexia, orthorexia, compulsive exercise etc….now. I want to thank you for being so transparent as honestly this gives me hope and makes me feel a bit less alone and ive been feeling SO alone. SO THANK YOU. I am so impressed at how far you have come and how open you are with everyone. You truly helped me so much tonight, more thank you even know. I just happened to find your story tonight and it is EXACTLY what I needed to see and hear. Thank you so much…..

[blackswan]

I lost too much weight too fast this year and for the first time in 20 years, people picked up on it. My hair is falling out, I'm cold, I faint easily, and now when I eat it makes me physically ill. At 37, I'm expected to dig out of this alone. We don't age out of it.
Thank you for sharing.

[tiffanymeyer]

This is one of the most candid and vulnerable YouTube videos I've watched. You are a beacon of hope. My wish is this content get seen by many young girls, women, people. You are powerful for sharing such words. Continue to be an inspiration as you are. <3

[cringeydramaaccount]

As a former addict, whenever I go back home I do the same thing where I associate certain places with my experiences there. It's always kind of a sad reminder because it's like there's pieces of my dark past sprinkled throughout my hometown, which in a way taints it for me. Fortunately though I live somewhere else now because of my job so I don't get those painful reminders too often anymore.

[samanthadorsi]

Heidi, this literally made me cry so much!! As an 19 year old girl in college who also has/had perfectionistic tendencies, I can relate to so much of what you spoke about, especially when it came to feeling the need to be the lightest/smallest in the room. I was diagnosed with anorexia at age 12 and had to go into intensive treatment. I am now doing much better, but can still find myself struggling with dysmorphic thoughts and the urge to restrict myself. Thank you for inspiring me and for sharing such an important message. This has motivated me to continue to work on improving my relationship with my body and food and I cannot tell you how much I truly admire you opening up about your own personal journey. You have given me hope that I can fully get past this and go on to live a life free of ED!!! Always have loved you and looked up to you. Xoxo