Why Do I Feel Compelled to Overshare With People I Barely Know? - Terri Cole

Do you ever feel like you share too much, too soon and then end up with regrets?

In this quick vid, I answer the question, “Why do I spill my guts to people I barely know?”

Hint: there is a distinction between oversharing which is spilling all aspects of your life story and being discriminately vulnerable or Voluntarily Vulnerable as I like to say 😍

Drop your thoughts, comments, Qs + insights 👇

ABOUT TERRI COLE
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free.

For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.

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[katec]

I did this last year with a woman I met at work. I was really struggling at the time and felt really depressed and lonely. She seemed kind so I started to share what I was going through, and shared a lot more than I now wish I had. She later turned out to be not the nicest person, pretty two faced and cold and hard. It was a reminder to me about boundaries and getting to know people slowly. For me the main reason to overshare is intense loneliness and the wish to connect, be loved and understood.

[paulaliberty]

"Vulnerability hangover" copy right that! What a terrific term. Thank you Terri

[Martty_]

This video is gold. No wonder I'm back stabbed so often. I need to see safe and unsafe people

[totalwomanja]

Great topic Terri. Dr. Brené Brown also spoke about this in her book, ‘Darling Greatly’. It’s a deep longing for connection and belonging that causes this, but we are tone reminded that our trust must be earned, not handed over to anyone for free on a platter. ❤

[M-xlz]

Whoa! This deeply resonates with me. I never knew this was a disordered internal boundary. I’ve also always wondered why I do this, but now I understand. I gotta work on my own boundaries as well! Thank you, Terri!!

[justinecohen]

I stopped oversharing with new people but keep over sharing with people who are friends but not inner circle. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if it’s time to tell more of the secrets

[Martty_]

I had an elderly friend who died 2yrs ago. I found her the most trust worthy because she never spoke ill of people who disappointed her. I regret oversharing with someone who says things like they have helped others and oh look how ungreatful they are.

[ca]

I personally don't have this issue, but I've met a ton of coworkers that are like this. I've always felt uncomfortable with the personal information they share. It's like, how can you open up so easily and just spill everything? I never understood it until this video.

[colochossalvajes]

I did this and just jumped right in to the arms of a narcissist 😅

[i.l.]

Wonderfully clarifying... This is something I have been working on for the last few years and you are right... It's all tied with a desire for connection and attention seeking... Thank you for adding another layer of understanding 💚

[kayleemic]

I also do this to make other people feel more comfortable and i feel responsible for entertaining everyone, ugh. sick of it. it has got to stop.

[Fluffyduckdown]

I found myself over sharing with my new housemate, who did the same.. didn’t feel right to me and she’s ended up being a compulsive liar. So this is a good topic Terri, there I was thinking I was forming connection but it actually became detrimental to me later on.

[mercedessanchez]

Wow! Confusing sharing info. With intimacy! So powerful

[l.d.d.]

I'm 75, living in Ecuador, US citizen, with no family. I'm here due to the lower cost of living than in my native country. I've buried 2 daughters and my son has not spoken with me for over 30 years. I've been married 5 times, each marriage was physically abusive, and sexually and emotionally abused as a child. I stopped drinking 23 years ago due to a DUI. thank goodness. I'm a conservative Christian living in a very liberal town of many expats. I'm lonely and overshare way too early hoping I can connect with someone. Thank you for this extremely timely information.

[annacornelius]

Never thought about it like this - thanks

[Dahlia_Kaitlyn]

I tend to do this with friends at times so it’s something im actively working on… but on another note when it comes to dating, I find men tend to dump their issues (not all) on me within the first few messages or days of knowing them, and I find this is something that only happens with men and it’s unsettling 😭

[jay_psychocritic]

I do it because it feels good to do it, nothing bad happened to me that I can recall was a result of oversharing tbh, on the contrary, I gained beautiful friendships and relationships throughout my 38 yr of living because of the way I present myself and how comfortable I look when I overshare with those whom i meet for the first time. Take it easy ppl, its not a big deal and f*ck those who tend to judge.

[chilloften]

I have troubles to divert questions. I don’t want to come across in bad way & boom 🤮
I have compassion for myself and wonder how that boundary leaves my brain sometimes.
The horrors.

[A]

I share because I have no one to share with and don't give af if they judge me. I'm not invested in them. LOL Also, usually people are apt to help. Also I need validation badly and I constantly gaslight myself

[HeavenlyLights]

Compelled to overshare?… NO WAY. Bullied into it, more accurate by conniving, manipulatives. NO MORE!