HOW I HAVE CHANGED SINCE LIVING IN GERMANY (update)

⤹Everything you want to know is here!⤵︎

An update on how Germany has changed me. The good, bad, and everything in between. Trying to pin-point your identity is very hard when you live in places where personal identities are quite contrasting.

You can let me know if you think the changes I have made are good or bad :)

How old are you?
As old as the days are long

Where are you from?
Florida

Where do you live?
Germany

00:00 How I have changed since living in Germany
00:45 Respect, apologizing, and keeping my cool
05:52 Political and Religious affiliation as characteristic or personality traits
08:40 Racial identity vs nationality vs ethnicity
13:30 Identify as you like but be respectful and thanks for watching!

love yall

[JMS-]

Ok. I'm not German, but for me that's just the way it should be. I see you and I see a beauty with a bubbly personality, that's fun to listen to. Why would I care about skin colour, nationality (or sexual orientation, as was pointed out by others). If you're a decent person, I'll like you, it's that simple.

[night]

NICE 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 the fact that you had the courage to approach the 2 bus drivers again and apologize for your part of the situation and how you reacted while at the same time explain why you reacted the way you did . Blowing my mind. Respect !! And also wow so mature ! It takes a lot lot lot of courage to do this and I would bet that there are not many people on this planet who would have done it. I’m impressed ! You can be really proud of yourself. Apologizing and owning our own mistakes is so hard sometimes. ❤ lots of love !!❤

[bjoernobrecht]

I feel as if in the US, there is an Obsession about race. My son is mixed and we never had one person ask me ( white ) if this mixed child was my actual son while living in germany. Once we moved to the states..I had so many people question me, if that was actually my son, wether he is adopted... A walmart greeter actually stopped me exciting the store demanding I show him a picture of my son on my cell phone to prove it...Crazy.

[alexandrajoppe]

I find your videos very interesting. Being Dutch myself and bring married to am American, I find it very interesting to hear how you experience life. There are definitely differences in how we describe ourselves or see ourselves here in Europe as opposed to in the US. I can see how you would not describe yourself as black just as I don't describe myself as gay. That's not a character trait. Even though the experiences we might have formed our character. No, I don't describe my American friend as mixed or my South African friends as mixed or Indian. Honestly I find that a bit odd myself. That's like my friends going "my friend Alex, the lesbian"
Anyway, thanks for your insight on this ☺️

[jmolofsson]

Hallo Hayley,

I used to live in Germany when I was in my 20s. Then love, studies and work made me move around ...and finally we ended up in Spain.

I've two comments.

1. That part about "being a good German" is a trait I recognize also from Scandinavia (incl Finland). This is something I miss in Mediterranean Europe. I could almost say the _only_ thing I miss.

2. On skin color, maybe I seem very ignorant. But it's not whether someone _looks_ like a Turk, a Spaniard, an Arab or a Morrocan that makes me classify someone as "one of us" or as foreign. Instead, it is their _behavior, _ including body language. And I suspect this is how most Europeans feel.

[GlenHunt]

On the ethnicity/etc thing, PREACH! I grew up in the military, where literally everyone was from all over the world. What freaks me out is when everyone is the same. I didn't really learn the color of my skin until I moved to the southeastern US. People (Americans) sometimes ask what someone looked like, and more often than not if I don't list skin color they assume caucasion, and when that's not the case I'm questioned why I didn't say they were <insert race>. 🤮 Srsly?! I hate being forced to notice people in those terms. I really don't care. Never have, never will. Race? Human.

[courtneymcwilliams]

LOVE this!! As an American moving to Germany for a better life for myself and my all of this is important to me. I don't want my kids to grow up in the American society/culture. I love the German culture, I know it has flaws, everything does but I can't wait for them to not have the same mindsets as American children. Love your videos!!

[atreju]

I am VERY impressed - by your apology to the bus drivers! And the words you had chosen. Very classy. 👌

[Old-USRefugee]

As a Gay man, I also have noticed, that here people really do not care, nor do they ever ask, " are you Gay?" They simply accept you for who you are, and for what it's worth. I live in Eastern Germany, in a neighborhood with many older people, I have never had a bad experience with anyone. Oh yeah forgot to add, I am an expat too.

[oafishblowfish]

Dear Hayley, in my opinion, you are a beautiful, eloquent, well-versed, erudite as well as intelligent (young) woman (considering I`m going on 50) who has every right to be where you want to be. I am german, and I belatedly welcome you to my country of origin. I just subbed & am looking forward to watching more of your wonderful content. That said, do not ever let yourself be discouraged by idiots, whether here, back in the US nor any other country. Do your thing, live your life & prosper, I wish you all the best.

[Yotanido]

I never understood the US' obsession with "race". I've filled out a couple surveys coming from the US and they always ask me what my "race" is. It's such an alien concept to me. As a German, I'm more likely to associate "race" with dog breeds than people's skin colour. (Since we use "Rasse" to refer to breeds in German)
I find the entire concept ridiculous, as is probably evident by my use of quotation marks. There are no races as far as I'm concerned. Some people have light skin, some have dark. Maybe some have thick lips and some thin. And sure, maybe some of those are often correlated. But I wouldn't say they are "races". They are just hereditary traits that people from the same geographic area share - precisely *because* they are hereditary.
If you are acquainted with the particular features of people from a certain region, you might be able to tell where someone is from based on how they look, but the separation into "races" is entirely arbitrary.
In my mind, simply saying that races exist is kinda racist.

[sophiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie]

What I find really interesting about the ethnicity question: I think Germans are so used to American people being Black/POC, that no one will ever doubt that you are "really" American - but if you are German and POC, a lot of people will seriously doubt that. It's just not that common and a lot of people will still ask you, where you're "really" from. That's kinda the everyday racism here.

[baramuth]

Hi Hayley, I've been following your channel with great interest since I subscribed. For me as a German, it is always interesting to see or read when other citizens from other countries feel comfortable here with us and report about it also times positive or negativ, well yes it is not perfect anywhere, it can not. Well, a suggestion for you many times to report about it, I learned that there is a law in the U.S., where the American state can collect taxes from their citizens who live abroad and also live and earn their money there, because these pay their taxes in the country concerned. It would also be important if these people decide to become e.g. German citizens, but do not want to give up their American citizenship. What are your experiences with this and what can you share about it. Because if the American state can also access these people with taxes, that would be quite strange.

[Phiyedough]

I think I would have complained to the school about those bus drivers as it is not setting a good example for the kids when they see adults behave that way.

[myflyingkidney]

you have to collaborate with NALF! that would be very funny!

[grandmak.]

I'm glad you haven't experienced that kind of prejudice so much in Germany, Hayley, but there are also other examples. I live in a little village in northern Germany and I have a young woman living in my house whose father is Nigerian. She is very beautiful but still has to experience people using the N word in her presence or staring at her because of her skin colour. She had to develop a lot of strength during her school years and now has a sort of defensive and careful way of approaching people most of the time which really is a shame . I guess that would be different in a big city where people are more used to diversity.

[martinstubs]

Always a pleasure to watch your videos.

[jonnyjonsen]

Thank you for your video. I always wondered about that "race/ethnicity" thing and if that doesn’t create divide. I also never truly understood why some US citizens claim to be Irish or Germany (best example modern family) but when you inquire you realize the one ancestor they had from Germany (or other European countries) lived 300 years ago. Why claiming to be German. Just say you have an ancestor from Germany. As for the other part, I think I would define a German simple by their passport. I don’t care where they come from or if they are born here. Once they get their citizenship they are Germans in my mind. not half Germans, or Swedish German or African German or mixed or anything. That just sounds weird to me. (Unless they describe/identify themselves that way of course😉)

[CihanGer]

I really love your view on defining yourself. As you know I am watching your videos for a while now. I have never seen you as a black, white or mixed. I was never taught to see skin colors in people. And no, I was not isolated in an white people only bubble either. My best friend and „Sitznachbar“ in elementary school was what peopl would call „black“. I never saw it that way and I am so grateful to my mother especially raising us like this not to have skin colors as a criteria, a variable when making decisions, for any actions pr descriptions.
Only since I live over here and especially in Florida I realized people are judging other people by skin color and that someone’s skin color determines which actions they can do and what not, and to where they can go to safely and to where they shouldn’t go. I remember asking someone I met on the internet to go out together for lunch or dinner. We chatted a year or so about all kind of stuff. We saw each other via video chat and have seen pictures from each other over the time. Now, this person was about to leave to another state and my thoughts were we could just meet in person for lunch or dinner before our paths divide. However, when I asked that person to meet for lunch or dinner I never expected to hear that reaction: “Are you sure?” I’d didn’t know what I needed to be sure of and explained that if I wasn’t I would not have asked/suggested it. When I heard the explanation it shocked me! The person asked me again whether I really would want to meet in person and whether I was aware of their skin color. Actually, I was not. But now I was but it still was nothing that would have an impact on my decision. Long story short the person I am referring to was worried if I would really want to show up and meet a black person in public and be seen with a black person around. This shocked me so much - I could not believe that in the 21st century people of certain skin colors would have to feel that way! It made me really see things differently here and I reached out to friends in Europe and Africa and explained the situation and how shocked I was that people have to feel that way and wanted to make sure they’re not having similar issues. But unfortunately, the truth is they all could tell me they have been discriminated based on their skin colors over the years in so many ways! And this is something I might not have realized with my “color-blindness” either … as your life in Germany changed you a lot I can say living in Florida changed me a lot as well … And this is just one topic.
Maybe I should write this all down or make a video as well, because no matter where you go, the environment will have an impact on you and will teach you lessons …
I always wanted to send you more comments and feedback but unfortunately there’s never enough time to - and just to be clear: the reason is not that I do not give it a priority, but there’s always so much going on every day and always something new ( that’s also a good example of what I miss from my life in Germany where everything was more structured and less surprises and sudden changes lol).
Anyway, it’s always great seeing you and listening to what you have to say and I wish you a great time back home and I’m glad to hear your family is doing alright after Ian. Have a wonderful day 🌞

[veeanderson]

Hi Hayley thanks for the information I am Jamaican and thinking about migrating to Germany with my kids.