You’ve encapsulated my childhood. When you don’t know when you’ll be safe dark your caregiver, then you never fully are. Except nowadays I don’t want to be alone, I want to be with dogs and long to discover how to connect with safe, mature people.
DamePerdita
This I feel so incredibly seen. 💚
To all of us who have experienced this - mad love, tribe 💚💚
SemperUbi_SubUbi
Yep you're right. To the point where a struggle to form relationships because you think the person will leave or find you unloveable like your parent did.
GK-qcry
Yep, even when my kids are gone I feel even more relief and clear headed I honestly don’t care about having friendships anymore relationships, just healthy buisness relationships I love to be alone
ladybast
Yes! Exactly my childhood. Silent treatment, eggshells, raging, swinging moods because she was using anxiety and depression meds like Valium, and more.
Now I overthink everything, research things to death. Worry about everything. Don't go out to anything social because what if? I can stay home and read or play word games on my tablet/phone. I'm living with multiple autoimmune diseases for life because of the stress level and other contributing factors. Life is challenging but I look for me things to learn each day. I have 4 dogs and my youngest daughter to make a happy life with. We may be broke but we're going to figure how to get out of this. 😊❤
susanm
Being alone is definitely the safest and most peaceful place to be. 💯
aspiringalchemist
I felt like a pet by my late teens. They brought me food and would buy me things but Instead of gaining life experience and thinking about what I wanted to do with my life I spent all day in my room, was homeschooled, and was never taught any life skills like cooking, how to use a washing machine, or how to clean. She loved us too much almost. Like we never were supposed to grow up and leave. Like I was supposed to stay in my room forever with her
cannibalcatgirl
Build the self. Focus on self-love and self-care daily. Your gifts and strengths will reveal themselves to you. Unconditionally loving our shadow sides is imperative. And releasing what someone else does says or thinks because it never has anything to do with you. It's merely always only going to be a reflection of what's going on within them at that particular given moment. Because we are all mirrors to one another. So imagine trying to navigate a bunch of other people's issues and hidden Trauma from their own childhood, wasting time anticipating or analyzing every second of every day attempting to manipulate them- which is actually what we would be doing, if we want something from them- whether it be validation, accolades or approval, and that stems from childhood.
We all look for love in all the wrong places.... it has to be found within first because that's where it's always been and needs to be rediscovered, ❤ everything you've ever wanted or needed was always there. You have the entire YOUniverse within you... when you begin to see yourself as Source/ Spirit /God /Creator sees you... you are a co-creator... you will never hand your power over to someone else again❤
jenifernadeau
my father is like this but he is a single dad. i always blame it on him having to step up and be my mother and father but the more i think the more i realize its still messed up to call me names and belittle me saying ill end up like my mother if i dont do what he says. I mean he did so much for me so its hard to hate him but he also never makes me feel comfortable enough to really tell him whats going on
jayEliza
She was physically violent as well. I had to pull her off of my 14 year old sister, she was attempting to strangle. Had welts on my body because she would grab any implement to beat me. We were good kids and never did anything to warrant her abuse.
ladyofthecreek
I am isolating big time at the moment! Not wanting to go out interact at all: my one wish would be to have a Christmas Day with my son and grandchildren, they will see me on the 30th. Son has me in silent treatment at the moment, his girl was very insulting recently, I’d had 10 mins with my son alone, his Dad died; we were vulnerable together, cried. Hugged: told him how sorry I was his dad passed and let him know how much we wanted him and how he was deeply loved from the moment he was in my tummy. I apologied for mistakes I had made, ie I was young when I had him & the relationship with his dad didn’t last. I also explained I had a very traumatic past with SA alcoholic mom and narc dad: I didn’t realise at the time that I was reacting a lot to that, I didn’t realise it was abuse but it did affect me and I did things I wasn’t proud of. I felt safe opening up to my son. It was a precios moment filled with emotions from us both and hugs and a love my son hides from me often..
when I walked back in the house his girls was passive aggressive, slamming things in the countertop slamming doors stomping, I asked what was wrong, she leaned in pointed her finger in my face while spitting feathers told me now wasn’t the time, I asked her not to point, she said she wasn’t then looked down and retracted her angry pointed finger! I said please don’t be a bitch; when is the right time ? I rarely ever get a chance to see my son alone; it was a moment in time, I was also grieving for my ex hubby and also for my son who had lost his dad. I wonder if his lady had become jealous; my son actually had been texting me much more after his dad died & I had been supportivezd I think she wanted to cause more drama so he would step back, I know after I left she ranted on for a good few days. My son txt me to ask if I called her a bitch, I said it didn’t happen like that and explained her behaviour and also explained that it wasn’t directly calling her a bitch but her behaviour towards me was bitchy.
the came the silence!
It’s been 4 months !
The triggering thing was certainly her passive aggressiveness toward me especially as I and my son were vulnerable; I know she too was grieving but I was shocked and shook. I perhaps should have dealt with things differently but I’ve noticed her behaviour towards me for some time now:
Anyhow I’m isolating ! I cried and cried for days on end, my son is so important to me, grandkids too,
I just want a normal loving relationship: I’ve a lot of love to give:: but it’s rejected:
Step mom gets more from my boy than I ans that’s tough too:
Seeking councilling as I feel abandonment issues are part of who I am and it cuts deep. This has been especially hard; as after my ex hub passed there had been a shift & for a bit communication was easy & normal. It hurts it’s changed.
Will get there in the end I hope but being by myself is all I can do I’m frozen. I need some tools to manage this:
Thank you:
Ps i played a parental roll with my sick mom who called me her rock. It was a lot as she and my dads relationship was bad: I took all her problems on as well as the abuse too:
MizpahMoo
Going through a 12 step program helped me figure out i cant change it or undo it, but i can stop playing along and i can heal from it
andreahorsch
Woooaahh HEAVY on the only feel safe when I’m alone. 😮 well that hit like a ton of bricks
Nobody___wtf
Ouch that cuts deep. Great song choice!
justinsixx
Same here. In recovery for 6 years from addiction.
johnmccabe
Listen to the wind blow, down comes the night
Running in the shadows, damn your love, damn your lies
Break the silence, damn the dark, damn the light
And if you don't love me now
You will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
You would never break the chain
joelthomastr
Feel strong and confident in yourself... And youll never need Ever
karencoburn
I’ve had this song memorized since it came out.
Love you angel ❤
RosettaRedfeather
My mother treated me like that. My dad was always away for work. I have blocked out alot of my bad times with my mother. I'm scared to remember but I also want to remember because it could help me
Vanzywanzy
I regret to say this fits me... raising my kids..not realizing my own behavior may have been autistic as well..
