One of the most important questions to ask yourself

One Tree Hill star Bethany Joy Lenz was trapped in a religious cult for ten years. She married the cult leader’s son, lost millions of dollars, and nearly lost herself.

For anyone who has experienced narcissistic abuse, this is one of the most important questions to ask yourself.

Please let us know in the comments if you still carry self-blame and guilt for the “choices” you made.

[TheTrmnlyUniq]

We get robbed of discernment when we are manipulated and coerced. Thank you for sharing your story with us ❤

[stevensawyer]

My narc. Was my trauma therapist.
She had me convinced that all my thoughts, feelings, emotions and brain were lying to me.
After19 months no contact and extensive therapy from two real therapist's, I have the strength now to report her to the licensing board.

[privateprivate]

It’s not only painful that, as someone recently said in comments, “People only see the decision you made and not the choice you had.” But that, they hold your feet to the fire, forever. Anything, related to or unrelated to you leaving a narcissistic relationship, that doesn’t work out for you, is seen as just desserts. They let the narcissist get away with EVERYTHING. Meanwhile, they’re keeping at s on whether you’ve fallen on your face yet. When you haven’t, they get sick of you winning. Get sick of your luck. Get sick of your resilience. Typically, I think it’s because they are just other narcissists, who wanted hands-free, abuse but proxy.

[pacificislandgirl]

It does not need to be a cult. I met my 1st husband when I was 14 and married him at 17. He was 27. I broke up with him, and my mother and his family coerced me into getting back with him and marrying. He was an abusive narcissist. I left him after 8 years of marriage, and I raised our two children as a single parent and did not marry for 11 years. He was so nice to my parents and me, at that time - he turned into his authentic self within 3 months. Unfortunately, my son has the same attributes, only worse. He was 4 when we left.

[Daily_Bread]

Yes. This idea of "choice" was thrown on me as well. Thank you Dr. Ramani for the great distinction between a real choice and the dilema that toxic relationship brings.

[VRSWGN]

I got shamed by my ex's friend's saying I chose to stay and I chose this and that but you put it perfectly; any other options did not seem VIABLE. Leaving did not seem like a viable option especially when you bring in the loyalty factor. Thank you for putting this into the words that I could never explain

[bridgettetraveler]

I feel u! I've been there. Lost my sense of practical reality. Thank GOD for teachings on narcissistism. I wouldn't have known what happened to me. I talked to a doc who didn't understand narcissistism & she thought was delusional. I've had many illnesses, but after marrying this man it's been one more medicine after another. I see more docs for everything. These horrible ppl drain good ppl of everything if we let them. After listening to teachings on narcissistism I've been in powered & have been learning how to take back my power, health & strength! I've started back exercising & eating more healthy. I do daily Bible study & GOD has lifted me up emotionally & spiritually!!!

[sandrab.]

Dr. Ramani, the “choices” Bethany was confronted with in her marriage and life sounded like limited scraps. They weren’t real choices. They were options to benefit others at her expense.

I noticed narc relationships turn precious concepts like trust and commitment into bargaining tools.

Glad she got out of that abusive relationship.

[KevinpWalker]

The notion of a flawless marriage or relationship is a myth. There's no set formula for success; what works for one couple may not work for another. Yet, I've discovered that there's always a way forward, even in the most challenging times. Five years ago, my wife and I encountered significant hurdles in our marriage that nearly led to divorce. Despite the adversity, we managed to weather the storm and emerge from it with our bond renewed and revitalized

[IzabelaWaniek-ix]

When you are coercively controlled you lose your sense of discernment, especially when you get isolated which the abusers always start with. Coercive control is criminal offence in the UK and I hope other countries will follow.

[csfiskus]

We make our choices insofar as to the relationships and partnerships we enter. However, we didn't choose certain personality types, traits that came with those relationships, or to be mistreated. Ironically, abusers often complain about people trying to change them when they were the ones that changed. Or were putting on a charming, empathetic facade that people fell in love with.

[Wuestenwiesel]

When I married my now ex wife, I really thought i love her and I want to spend my life with her.

But how can you love an empty person? Someone who is showing something to whoever she needs and wants to show something?

The "love" to a toxic and abusive person feels incredibly hollow.

On some level you need them, if not you would not be there. Its probably the initial love bombing.

Later when you are hooked and you are bound to each other by marriage, then this person will not love bomb you anymore.

Thats makes marriage such an incredible dangerous institution not only for survivors of narcissistic abuse. I highly encourage not to marry or only after many years into a relationship.

A loving person can understand and will not have any problems with that.

If someone is pushing for anything let it be sex, financial support, marriage, just run for the hills.

Take it slow is your best friend in keeping abusive people away.

[cdr]

Wow! So powerful for this woman to b so vulnerable and share her story. It helps.

[PCAGA]

Yes, I do still blame myself for my choices that got me to this place in life with the Narc

[costelloandlizzievolk]

💯 it’s not a choice when you’re manipulated and abused, it’s coercion and survival. It’s so wrong to blame people as ‘choosing’ it when they really didn’t. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[ejmabrothers]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[notagain]

I'm an elderly woman now. All my life I feel our culture has indoctrinated young women from an early age, that men get to decide everything because somehow (don't ask me how) they just know better what's best for everybody. That usually means best for themselves. Strangely, these thoughts didn't lead me to think in a feminist way. They led me to realize just how easily people can be coerced into self harming belief systems. My father used to say, "A man CHOOSES his wife. He never should allow a woman to CHOOSE HIM." Since the man usually was the source of the money in those days, I get it. A man shouldn't be throwing out bait to gold diggers. So many attitudes have changed since I was a young woman.

[vivianMarvin-zk]

Amazing video A month ago, my partnership of five years came to an end. The choice to break up with the person I love is something that really gets to me. Even though it's all for nothing, I've done everything I can to get him back, and I couldn't imagine my existence without him. I've tried everything to stop thinking about him, but I still can't help but miss him and think about him often. I don't know why I am saying this here.

[MaryWallace-wvbn]

This is so very helpful regarding the word choice.
(Coming from a cult)

[belleyupable]

Cognitive dissonance, mentally gas lit, victim blaming… this poor woman. I wonder if she could see better if she had a few years on her own or even a few months…