How To Spot Sociopathic Behavior In Females: Signs You Should Know | Psychotherapy Crash Course

*NOTE: This is an early upload to start the final week of February. Stay tuned for Wednesday's video on ways to manage sociopathic behavior and parents with unstable behavioral patterns. This will get us started on discussing treatment and practical ways to help yourself in the month of March.

Sociopathic behavior in females is rather different than sociopathic behavior in males. Females tend to be less noticeable and overt. Men tend to be less obvious in their attempts to manipulate. Female sociopathic behavior often includes but is not limited to:
-Manipulation
-Callouseness
_Lack of empathy
-Calculating behaviors
-Triangulation
-Pathological lying
-Sneakiness
_Disregard for the rights of others
-Competitiveness
_Glib and charm
-Deception
-Narcissism
-Vanity and shallowness

But sociopathic behavior in women may be more difficult to spot. Whether you are in a relationship with a woman or this woman is your mother, it is important to understand the slight difference in characteristics or traits that women display.

 In this video, I discuss female sociopathy and what that looks like. It is possible to experience trauma within a relationship with someone like this.

On Wednesday, I will be discussing ways to manage this kind of person as well as the characteristics I discussed in last week's videos.

I welcome your comments and questions!

Further resources on this topic:

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I'm Támara, a licensed and nationally certified mental health therapist, with over 12 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.

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[hajipav]

The thing about dating someone with an anti social personality disorder is that you’re constantly off balance. You’re already off balance when you’re bombarded with that initial phase of affection you just don’t have enough knowledge or understanding of their condition to realise it. Why would you?! By the time the manipulation, lies and subtle sabotage begins you’re so off kilt you fail to see the obvious signs that something is very off with this person. Interestingly enough your family and close friends will see it immediately. The lack of depth and superficial charm, the fact they have no close friendships, the fact that they are child like in their persona, overly secretive, obsessed with the attention of the opposite sex, promiscuous, irresponsible with their finances and to some extent their children, their infatuation with thrills, lack of accountability, shallow ego, little or no care for boundaries or social norms. When you step outside of the game it’s clear it was all nothing more than a facade. Unfortunately you’re so caught up in the distorted reality they’ve created that you can’t see anything beyond the unachievable desire to make them meet you half way. These people are truely dangerous because they take your kindness and empathy and through careful, deliberate and calculated mind games use those traits to reflect back on to you your own insecurities and that can literally destroy your mental health. The key point is that not everyone you meet is what they seem and not everyone you meet has your best interests at heart. These relationships are painful but they are valuable because they teach you a great deal about yourself and about the values and beliefs that you hold dear. These are the things that nobody should ever compromise or take from you.

[irenebuford]

They also will have the angry undertone even when they are calm, their energy will be angry and toxic, it can be felt even though the phone... I have experienced this with a diagnosed sociopathic female... Perfect video, this was helpful...

[redrustyhill]

I am here because i dated a sociopathic covert narcissist. She has taught me so much! Everything she claimed about herself was a lie. She claimed to be an empath when she was actually one the most cold hearted people i met, going from love bombing to total devaluation, from best friend to worst enemy at the drop of a hat. It was a roller coaster ride of gaslighting when i didn't even know what gaslighting was, while blaming me for gaslighting her!

[joshuarizalforeman]

My ex-wife is/was a total sociopath. She ticks off all your boxes plus a few more. I dealt with her impulses for around 10 years until I simply got tired of doing so. She has no friends, merely associates whom she controls, but people think she is their friend. The people who have sussed her are no longer her friends. She continued with her sociopathy for 8 years following our divorce, doing everything she could to destroy me emotionally and financially. I gave up my relationship with my children simply to get away from her. They have since contacted me, through a third party, as now they are older they can see what she is truly like.

[meme-crxi]

I came here thinking I was a female sociopath, turns out I was actually just raised by one. 😳

[arthurhogan]

These type of people do exist and they are hiding in plain site. If I hadn't been dramaticly affected by this very sick person I wouldn't believe any of this. Another accurate video and thank you for validating my sanity and helping me heal.

[joellenwarner]

My older sister is a sociopath…even when she was a small child she had every behavior you talked about. She has always plotted out the abuse she inflicted on others. Nothing she did was a spur of the moment act. And to witness the mask she wears…gives me chills.

[cadenandthegirl]

I think something that’s important to clarify is that the *capacity* to do hurtful things doesn’t necessarily mean that a person *will* do hurtful things. I’m diagnosed ASPD, and I feel absolutely zero inclination to commit crimes because I don’t want to go to jail, and I’m not so arrogant to think I wouldn’t get caught. I’m also capable of recognizing that spreading rumors about my coworkers probably wouldn’t play out very well for me in the long run. And just because my motives are different from people who have empathy doesn’t mean I’m a fundamentally bad person — I’ve met some highly empathetic people who can be real assholes.

[pxlmvr]

Exactly correct! *Every point!* I had a female family member that is a sociopath and never knew it. She was sweet and would talk about all the bad, abusive relationships she had and I would sympathize with her and support her ... that is until she turned on me and I found out that she had been doing smear tactics behind my back because I sometimes wouldn't let her get her way. I then put two-and-two together and realized that *she* was the perpetrator in all her bad relationships.

Later, she flew into a rage and attacked me, called the police tried to blame me. I wasn't charged at the time, but somehow, she lied to the police and had *me* arrested a week later for something I didn't even do! Luckily I was able to fight it, but nothing is scarier than having to spend the night in jail because a malicious person lied on you.

I got a 5 year protective order on her right now.

[victoriagee]

This is so good. It is spot on. There was this weird dance between being obsessed with me and then hating me. Thank you! This was validating.

[mc-eowh]

As a medical doctor, I'm surprised how come we are never taught about these things in depth along with nutrition, diet, people skills and life skills. These are all so essential. The numerous times I'm faced with conscious incompetence about my lack of knowledge makes me cringe and feel bad as to why I don't know about these things to deal with on day to day basis.

[suzsiz]

Yeah. So its more passive aggresive/covert. Like playing social games, silent treatment/stonewalling. You can sense the aggression/anger issues that they have. Trust your gut. I have observed that they often use their sexuality to manipulate. Like being overtly flirty/seductive/dressing provocative.

[DesertEdgeLegal]

My mom is BPD and she absolutely does all of these things, but she was easy to figure out once I understood her patterns. She gets very angry because none of her tactics work on me anymore. She has gotten hung up in her own web of tactics and can't physically do anything with the rage. Even when she knows she is the only person who can get her out of the web she is in, she sticks with the victim narrative.

[jolly]

Wow! You hit the nail on the head! They're fantastic saboteurs. Jealousy, envious remarks, two-facedness, and the list goes on and on. They can't stand a man's brilliance and accomplishments while being completely reliant on him in almost every other manner. The terrible part is, I believe it's all inherited. I've seen it up close and personal.

[Calmandcoolheaded]

The misogyny part resonated so much. I always felt my mother liked the boys best in our family. The only time she would take me for hair cuts was when I was in grade four, she convinced me how "cute" it would be to get a mushroom cut (it was 1994). I hated it, it was horrible I got bullied and hated myself even more for the way I looked. I can honestly say it was the only time in my life she said anything nice about my appearance. I always felt she wanted me to look like a boy, glad I wasn't a kid in today's world. Now that I am a mother I can't imagine forcing or coercing my child to get a hair style that they hated ... for years. She also screamed at me that "it was a bad time for her" when I called to tell her I was in labor. You hit a lot of notes here Tamara, thank you very much for your work.

[danaemoreno]

Wow... this is literally my mother to the T. I could never understand why she would be so emotional and kind and say all these loving things, but then would sabotage me when I would respond vulnerably to that and express that I wanted that close of a relationship. Then she will go behind my back and tell people horrible and untrue things about me. One time she accidentally butt dialed me and spoke these horribly unkind things about me making me out to be an unhelpful daughter and someone who is basically a good for nothing. And it blew my mind because she had just come over and said all these love bombs.

[interestinglyenough]

Thank you for attaching terminology (Disguised Misogyny) to this behavior. I see this broadly in many women (many who I don’t think would meet criteria of sociopathy) but have never been able to describe/explain it as something other than “self hate” or “competition”.

[iceberg]

I was married to one. She did all these things. She waited a good four years to really show who she was. She pulled kitchen knives on me when our arguments would lean towards me being right. I also think she poisoned me twice a year because I would get sick for a couple days each time then I would be better out of the blue. Since she's been gone I haven't gotten sick once and that was almost 8 months ago. When I found out that she was faking her emotions just to get what she wanted her expression usually changed to rage which wasn't good for me. She would scream at our child all the time and I would tell her that there was a better way to tell a child things and for that I was accused of calling her a bad mother. She couldnt take criticism well and would cry at the drop of a hat. When I used to call her out on her crying her face changed dramatically. She definitely had the stare, along with putting together stories to make herself seem like the victim in most situations. I feel sorry for the next guy she comes across...not her.

[webeducation]

Asked her one day "so how was church service?" (at this point I knew she didn't go. no big deal we can go the following week)
She say "oh it was pretty good". Tells me what the service was about. Tells me with a straight face how packed the place was, etc, etc. I said really. She starts getting a little disgruntled and says "what, you don't believe me?", "you don't believe i went do you!?" . I stood there just silent. She tries to read me, and see I won't budge. So she says "fine, I didn't go, how did you find out?". She starts to get upset again because I wouldn't tell her. At some point and time, maybe weeks later, without my knowledge she cuts the power cord to our Google home device as clean as could be with a pair of scissors I believe. She then says to me "hey, I am not sure what happened to this cord but do you think you can fix it?" She says "I think it may have gotten stuck between the table and the wall." Im thinking, wow, thats a pretty clean cut. But I proceeded to fix it. She then says "wow, your good at that". All because I caught her in lie and never told her how I found out.

Would always be asking myself, "was she lying about that?", "Is she doing that on purpose?", but you only have subtle hints and clues, and you start feeling like more of a detective. Which she then blames you for and gets angry when you ask her about information she is withholding. Then you wonder if any of it is true.

Was with her for 8 years and am glad it's over. Got some counseling and it is believed she was a covert narcissist. But I think there is something else mixed into that.

Great video.

[annepeterson]

Wow. I have recognized patterns in my own behavior and those of women in my family based on this presentation. So much of what we hear about sociopathy is centered on how men behave. Thank you.