Does this prepare kids for the real world?

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[weirdhousewivesclub]

Thank you! I was beat when I was a kid. Verbally, mentally, physically. As an adult, I'm still working through it. I cried when my dad died, but I was partially glad because of all the pain he inflicted on me because I didn't ever feel like my parents loved me.

[mousebyte]

My partner was physicall and emotionally abused as a child. So he is hesitant to become a parent. But we has set boundaries and respect between each other and even our pets that physical altercation is not the answer. This has really helped both us see we can break the cycle.

[diemdia]

I think if you set the expectation in your child that they will get hit for doing something wrong (and often not even wrong per se, but something you as the parent don’t like), it sets them up to be abused in their adult life too because they’ll internalize this kind of violence as the norm. There’s not a logical connection between the thing that went wrong and the punishment for it, so the kid will probably spend a lot of time walking on eggshells terrified of doing or saying anything out of fear that it’ll upset you. That doesn’t mean no consequences for anything. It takes more thoughtfulness and patience, but I’m sure y’all are capable of coming up with consequences that actually make sense and aren’t based in humiliation and violence.

[tabbskilgore]

100% people hit their kids because they are too tired or lazy to actually parent, teach, and communicate. You can't physically assault people for not following rules. Why do it to your defenseless children?

[reneehouser]

Physical pain issued as a consequence for disobedience or misbehaving is the most lazy, ignorant & cruel way to "parent" a child. I mean absolutely IGNORANT. I see first hand every day why it's the worst idea ever.

[BoxOKittens]

I'll never make my kid feel the fear that I grew up with.

[williamvanscottnelson]

Angela, I have to tell you, I've shed some tears because of some of your videos. (But they were good, healing tears. How I wish you could've been my mom, or that my mom could've been more like you. I was raised with extreme violence in my family. I haven't raised children, but I'd often be called on by my siblings to look after their children. My nieces and nephews would be informed by their parents that I would "beat their a$$" if they gave me trouble. I would tell the children that I won't hit them or cuss at them. But they could potentially lose privileges. I definitely feel like children shouldn't be subjected to violence, but non authoritarian is a new concept to me and I'm fascinated, motivated to learn more about it because you have enlightened me. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with the world. I believe you are changing the world for the better. (I was first introduced to you through your permaculture.)

[larianyoyola]

I would to see you in a school setting where teachers need help. They are not allowed to correct or discipline kids and the parents don’t parent they just blame it on the teachers. It is wild to me that now there are no consequences at school. It’s really pushing good parents to have to find alternatives. I helped my coworker apply for a private school scholarship because her 3rd grade daughter was being bullied so bad and no one did anything. She had to stop taking her to school all together.

[mikeinportland]

It boggles the mind why these people watch your videos with that type of comment. Is it masochism or their perceived "righteous anger" is a just the drug they are addicted to. And, gosh, if they get that worked up over these sentiments in a video what are they like in real life?

[LCamp-crfs]

You might be interested in how the Dutch raise children. If you can find the time, please look at Type Ashton and her latest vlog about why Dutch children are the happiest in the world.

[rosedoucet]

Oh how I wish there were voices like yours when I was raising my children😢. There was a lot of cognitive dissonance happening in my head, but unfortunately, the church and its terrible parenting advice won out most of the time. My children have forgiven me, but they did not escape unscathed🥺

[adaiah]

Let me know if I'm understanding this properly. You say they obviously will not have whippings when they're adults. I agree. So we should disciples our children in ways that they will be disciplined as adults. Right? So like when my toddler breaks house rules they should be evicted from my home. Or maybe if one of my kids hurts another they should have to spend the night in a cage with a metal toilet. Or maybe if my kid is disrespectful he should be fired and since he doesn't make any money I'll just explain what money is for (like food and clothing) and just take those things away. Are these the proper punishments for training them for adult life?

[veelash]

Good answer, but how can you "set aside" police use of force? Without the potential for police use of force, the whole system wouldn't work.

[havinfun]

Genuine question… Besides prevention (which also bears talking about), how would one handle a situation with an overtly defiant & intensely bratty child without getting physical?

I’m not in this situation, but I am curious about it, considering the discourse around parenting methods.

[Tanouuuu]

I think spaking DOES set you up to face adult consequences.

Let me give an example : My dad alway taught me to look both ways before crossing a street. Thay one day i was all exited and decided to just cross the street running 😮
I got a big spank and it engrained in my head to not that.

The adult consequemce of crossing a street running without looking could be hospital and death too.

[jonsmith]

I like how you took out the example of how the real world operates. If your kid hits another kid don't let your hands on them? No, physically separate the two. If an adult hits another adult they physically get separated and the police or security generally handle it by getting physical. But maybe we should talk about how the police are trained as a better example. They are trained to only use the amount of physical force necessary to resolve the situation. In most cases of someone is compliant such as a traffic stop they don't pull everyone out of a vehicle (yes they can, but normally they don't). Just because you can do something like separate two kids who are physically fighting doesn't mean that everyone you need to. The ability to do something doesn't make it right and people who are adult cops would be exactly to your point the problem. They are using excessive force and abuse of the position they are in which is why it is wrong just like a parent should be able to use physical force to contain their kids and protect others from harm but only the force necessary to resolve the issue. Why do you think it is called hitting then where it hurts when you get reduced pay or put on a corrective plan or fired? The force necessary to resolve the issue is being used. If I was late to work and got hit by the belt it wouldn't deter me from being late since I was taking extra time to be with my kids. I would take that being everyday for an extra 10 minutes if my pay wasn't affected. If you reduce my pay or fire me though I can't provide for my kids and the act that the business is trying to resolve gets fixed. The problem with your logic is this. The police are there to enforce the rules made by society on individuals and while other people can make citizen arrest and security can detain people which are two examples BTW within your limitation the general rule of thumb is that police should be the enforcement for the rules. Following that logic tell me one example where excessive force was used on a kid but you need to exclude the parents because they are the primary enforcement of the rules in a child's life. For your logic to work you must compare apples to apples. When you compare apples to apples the police and parents should use the minimum force necessary to handle the situation and shouldn't be resorting to violence but instead de-escalation tactics which the children need to learn how to calm themselves down and that is where parents are failing because de-escalation isn't something taught in school. If de-escalation and mediation were taught to children then society would be a lot better. Look in your adult life at the best stories and a lot of the time it involves doing something stupid but getting out of it because someone was able to talk themselves out of trouble.

[lindaromero]

While I would never hit a child out of anger, there is a time and place.
Childrens brains are not as developed as adults brains.
"Ericksons theories of development"
Sometimes, and rarely, something IS important enough to shock your child into learning immediately.
Stop judging others and just do your best people.

You have a lot of trust in other people. I don’t think you should teach children to be afraid they might get physically assaulted if the make someone mad but also I do live in Atlanta

[ecocentrichomestead]

Actually that was the way it used to be. Not "your wife" but "your husband"

[keepclimbing]

Gentle parenting hurts kids more than spanking.