Donor Conception Misinformation, Dilemmas, and Concerns | Stacy Taubman | TEDxCherryCreekWomen

Today, more and more people are turning to donor eggs or donor sperm to start their family. As someone who is both donor conceived and currently navigating fertility treatments, Stacy understands both sides of the equation and wants to bring awareness to the misinformation and misconceptions out there about donor conception and the impacts it can have on the children created.

[theflowerhead]

"Love is not a competition." I've thought this before, like there's room in your heart. I enjoyed learning more about this, it's important to talk about.

[StateofKait]

Donor kid here! So thankful my parents rebelled against the advice to lie about my DNA. I'm really grateful for the advancement of technology like 23and me, which has helped me find 6 half-siblings! I hope the world is waking up to our lack of rights, and we can banish anonymous donation once and for all.

[terrifrid]

I discovered I was donor conceived at 57 via Ancestry. Even more crazy, my donor father was my mother’s OB. I feel just like you about donor conception and the rules involved. No matter how great of family you have nor how much you love your social parent and know they love you, it is *still* a total shock and leaves you with an utter loss of identity. Further, not only do I need to explain to HCP that there are errors in my medical history, my kids need to correct theirs, too.

[jenniferceballos]

I know my biological parents & siblings & I’m nothing like them.

[monicafranklin]

You are a beautiful and brave woman for coming forward to share this.

[shalofam]

You are lucky having Dr Grant in your life . He is been my favorite client all over many years . Love him so much ❤ god bless 🙏🙏🙏

[margekang]

Wow, thank you for sharing this message, Stacy. This is an experience and perspective I never heard about.

[susannag]

As someone who can’t have my own children due to POI and who is going through egg donation, I think this only tells one side of the story. I fully intend to let my children know about their donor and in Australia there is a donor register with the donor’s full details, including medical history. Recipients can also have embryos genetically tested for medical conditions. In my own experience, I was estranged from my father and his side of the family so I have little information about medical history on that side so that can happen in cases of sharing biology. It can be a positive and amazing experience for both parities if done ethically. I’m sorry you’ve had this experience and feel this way. Ultimately, someone donates a few cells and I will nurture and grow my child in my womb and give birth. No one can tell me that I’m not the Mother. I will have full details of medical history from the donor. I deserve to be a Mother just like anyone else. For those who are saying “if you are sterile accept it”. Think…what if you became that way because you had Cancer and had to have Chemotherapy which destroyed your ovarian reserve? Do you accept it? For those who say “Don’t play God” - if you were dying of Cancer would you just accept it because receiving chemotherapy or having surgery to remove a tumour is “playing God?” Just something to think carefully about.

[johnnymack]

First off, I wanted to say that in vitro fertilization technology is a great tool and ultimately a great positive advancement in the medical field. Without such technology, people like Stacy’s parents would often not be able to start a family. However, not all parents may be as transparent as Stacy’s and they may go on with their lives without knowledge of potential genetic risks that they have inherited. This would be an ethical violation of beneficence for a physician to withhold such information and parents may have a hand in being able to suppress such records. Genetic screening involved with in vitro fertilization also has the potential to lead to eugenics when patients pick and choose specific traits for their children, or terminate embryos that may exhibit defects or traits deemed undesirable. This seems to echo similar themes in abortion, where early human life is terminated due to inconvenience. I hope the newly passed law addresses some of these topics and I think it is great that Colorado passed legislation granting more rights for donor-conceived people.

[azzurrapitruzzella]

What you call “siblings” are not your siblings because you were not raised as siblings.
If having a relationship with your biological father is the norm, then there won’t be donors. How can you have a relationship with your biological father but be ok with the fact that he has no responsibility towards you nor desire to be your father?
Sorry, you might have your personal experience but you cannot generalise this experience and believe that should be the norm.

[AnitaNitaNitus]

There are a lot of similarities between adoptees and donor conceived people.

[LiftwithLars]

As a Donor from the Netherlands, I can safely say that they don't perform more than 12 (successful) inseminations from the same donor in the entire country (17 million people) I can't imagine some countries/regions to rely on only a hand-full of donors. Also; in the Netherlands (and MANY other countries) the child can ask for personal information from the biological father at the age of 18. I read that in the USA about 70% of donors agree to give up anonymity when donating, so they will be able to be found or contacted as well.

[TanyaRadic]

What if I know about someone in my husband's family but the parents will not tell their 31 year old child who is intelligent and has " suspects." Both parents are in their late 70's . What if they die and they never have this conversation with their only child 😢

[tbw]

This is horrible!! Only due to the title. When one is looking for information when already going through a traumatic experience and find this woman talking about nonsense it’s saddening. Not once have I ever felt anything about my genetics nor do I know any who has growing up. Your parents gave you a great life and you still feel “off” and not grateful??? The concept that simply because there is a potential unknown siblings that it’s scary is silly as if people don’t have secret siblings smh. Then you sit in your luxury to say you’ve gone through fertility treatments and may even use an egg donor but would expose the donor who clearly asked to be anonymous?! Do an open adoption and leave the rest of us out of it…also, apologize to your parents and tell them you are grateful for them loving and nurturing you even when you were appreciative. Ugh so disappointed in this

[sanjapavlovic]

You assume the donor wants to be involved in the child's life...what if they don't? As for a complete medical history, ask your friends who are not donor conceived if their parents actually have a full genetic screening and complete health history. Many people do not go to the physician. Unless you are proposing that extensive genetic testing be done on all donors and recipients...which in that case will drive up the cost exponentially and make it impossible for some people to start a family. In the end, there are many donor conceived children who are happy with status quo. I hope you were able to get pregnant naturally or with your own eggs, but many people are not able to regardless of their age....

[cigdemylmaz]

Behind all smiles, she is not a happy person. She had loving parents and a happy home and it was not enough for her. Very sad.

[Uber]

Busca a tus hermanos, ellos, te quieren, aunque, no sepan que existes, como tú los quieres a ellos, aun sin conocerlos. Con la naturaleza no hay quien pueda, es orden y ley.❤

[Uber]

Tampoco cuando donan tienen experiencia vital ni saben cómo puede afectar a su salud física y mental ni a sus hijos, nacidos de esos óvulos y esperma. No existe el derecho a tener hijos, si la naturaleza, te niega, acéptalo. Tus frustraciones no las pases a un niño, que nunca será tu hijo y se verá obligado a buscar a sus padres y familia.

[Uber]

La naturaleza no permite legislación: ella es la única ley. No somos Dios.

[Uber]

Ni se te ocurra comprar óvulos. No has aprendido nada, tristemente. Piensa en la chica y en su hijo, sí, su hijo, porque a ella está obligado a buscar. Acepta la esterilidad con dignidad. No hagas daño. Sí la naturaleza te niega, acepta. No eres peor por ello.