Tools for School for Your ADHD Teenager with Executive Functioning Issues

In this video, I’ll share the tools and processes that I use to help my teenagers with their executive functioning for school.

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Hi, everyone! This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today’s video, I’ll share the tools and processes that I use to help my teenagers with their executive functioning for school.

If you are watching this video, you probably have a kid with ADHD or executive functioning issues. My kids have both. Executive functioning refers to the ability to plan ahead, remember assignments, organize, manage time, and get things done. As you already know, there is a narrow line that we walk as parents. Do we help our children? Or do we allow them to fail and learn their lesson the hard way? I’m sure you have run into a couple of well meaning, but slightly clueless folks who say, “They will never learn if you don’t let them fail!” Well - that may be true of a kid who doesn’t suffer from ADHD or executive functioning problems. But for kids who do, a) they have probably been receiving negative feedback their whole school career and b) failure is inevitable in most cases since they don’t have the built-in tools to succeed in a school environment. What that creates is a damaging feedback loop, which can cause a self esteem crisis and lead them to stop trying altogether. This "let them fail" theory looks something like this: your teen fails three classes in the first quarter of school, which you find out when report cards come out, he then learns from his mistakes, realizes he has to make changes, course corrects using his internal executive functioning skills, and goes on to make As the remainder of the year. If this rings false for your kid, you are not alone. Under that scenario, my kid would get 3 Fs the first quarter of school, feel like a giant failure, not know how to course correct due to his lack of executive functioning skills, bury his head in the sand, continue to fail classes, and have to repeat the grade. Professionals generally will tell you NOT to let ADHD kids fail completely for those reasons. I subscribe to a "small failure, big net" theory. Here’s what that looks like: I allow for a certain amount of independence, so we start off the same — with 3 Fs halfway through the first quarter. I am vigilantly watching his grades through the parent portal, so I notice what is going on. Before he hits rock bottom, I supply him with some tools and processes — let’s call it external executive functioning, so that he can stay above the full failure line. Then rinse, wash, and repeat. This is why it is called small failure, big net. He fails, but not fully, and I provide the safety net and tools to make sure the bottom doesn’t fall out. What I have found is that he is only really open to accepting help from me when he reaches these small failure areas. So, these are the points at which I can introduce new tools and processes. Otherwise, he feels like he is doing fine — he doesn't need help -- and sometimes he is. My hope is that by giving him these external tools and processes, he will begin to build the habits and techniques that most other folks have internally from the get go. And over time, there will be fewer small failures to recover from. It does take some work on my part — but not a staggering amount. Let’s talk about the tools and processes that I use. . . . .

[LAila-qfww]

OmG, I love how you are taking this to another level. You are like his study buddy. God bless you mama!

[davidcardon]

This is very helpful, thank you! I love the daily and weekly processes.

[victoriakeddy]

Enjoyed this video and your ideas. My daughter has been struggling this year.

[Sandrabounds]

SUCH a helpful video!!! I have a son with ADHD and do some of these things with him, but you provided so many good ideas and resources!

[deepthought]

I've been hyper-focusing on ways to help my soon to be freshman. Of the 25+ websites and/or videos, this has been my favorite. In middle school he did develop a number of skills and I'm proud of his growth. However, this is the year grades count so I am implementing a complete process with generous incentives.

[LauraNStout]

my son just started middle school. the school is using google classroom for online learning, and I think this distance learning method is robbing our ADHD kiddos of learning how to be more accountable for being physically organized with their school stuff. Like, here I organized everything for you already, please fill in the blank. I foresee returning back to campus a chaotic mess. I love your ideas! And hope to apply them for a more structured and happy school transition. thanks a bunch for sharing!

[fayejohnson]

Thank you so much for this video!! Our 16 year old son was recently diagnosed with ADHD (I wish we got a second opinion sooner). I have a lot to learn. The school psychologist said that we need to model how to be organized and be good with time management. How in the world do I do that when I'm not good at those things myself, especially the time part! Thank you for all your wonderful tips. I will share them with our son to see if it is something we can try. Thank you for sharing and best wishes to you and your family!

[LeeDiogeneia]

This video describes what I have been trying to do, but my son's private school actively works against me by not keeping the apps they use updated appropriately.

[crazybeccarf]

Awesome video. Very helpful. Thank you! I wonder, do you ever meet with teachers at the beginning of the school year to discuss strengths and weaknesses of your child, and what each teacher expects? My 7th grader is struggling and I'm going to start the planner like you mentioned and we will discuss daily. I am not always sure if something happened in class that should be in the planner as he is not great at taking notes or writing things down in general, so I wonder how you've dealt with teachers each year with this kind of problem? Thanks.

[reginanesiama]

Please can you share details of how you made the hanging folder?

[crnabyday]

I am in your same situation with my teen daughter. Can you please share the podcasts that have been most helpful to you? Any other really helpful resources... I’m desperate for help.

[sarahheuker]

Tbh I don't know why but I have adhd with an obsessive to much organization... I end up cleaning my room when I have a test the next hehe totalllyyyy don't have a test tommorow

[amylphillips]

Is their a book you can recommend so that I can help my 16 year old son. I really need some help! Not school necessarily but every day life. Thank you so much.

[lisak-s]

How do I find the notes you referred to?

[sarahheuker]

hehe totally not the teenager with ADHD....thanks