The Dangers of 'Stay at Home Girlfriend' and 'TradWife' Culture

Staying at home all day while your man makes the money? Is it a perfect life or a potentially dangerous situation? Let's discuss.

Breaking down the Stay at Home Girlfriend and TradWife (traditional wife) trends / culture that are spreading on TikTok right now. Specifically talking about the financial aspect of economically depending on your partner as a woman and what it could lead to. Also: a quick tie-in to Don't Worry Darling!

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00:00 Teaser
00:09 What is a Stay-at-Home Girlfriend & TradWife?
01:50 Internet's Mixed Reactions
02:33 The Problem With These Trends
09:00 Don't Worry Darling & The Control of Women
11:02 Importance of Financial Independence & Education for Women
13:23 Potential Solutions
15:20 Closing

[amahsenile]

I think there’s a major difference between stay at home “girlfriend” and having a wife who stays home for the sake of raising a family

[HoangLinh-rhty]

Not all men are abusive but anything can happen. They may lose their jobs, fall ill, or go into an accident. I know one girl who had to bring her kids to move back to live with her parents after her husband was fired and couldn't find another job because he caused some drama. Now that's because her parents can and agree to support her. If they can't then everything will be so much more difficult

[SageAspen]

I’m a stay at home wife and love my life. I however sell items of FB marketplace and makes crafts that I sell to the community. It’s just important to have a bit of your own money and some skills. Not only in case if your husband leaves you for whatever reason, you never know what could happen in life.

[sambailie]

I'm a very traditional woman but I've also been a realist and went to university and still earn my own living despite being happily married. I learned the hard way....my mother was a child bride and we were both the victims to a man who kept us in dire poverty....we had no means of escaping despite the fact my father beat my mum and kept us terrified. Tradeife is not glam....id fear being that dependent....ladies please, have a backup plan....always!

[NenaMataHari]

My mother was a stay-at-home mother for most of my parents' marriage. My father wouldn't allow her to work full-time because it would hurt his pride. Well, not only did he leave her for another woman, but he stole her inheritance that she had put in their joint bank account! She had a really shitty lawyer who didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground and it all financially and emotionally devastated her and she never recovered.

[juliajs]

The three basic rules my mother instilled in me: always have your own key to your apartment, your own money and a plan B to leave a potentially dangerous situation (at that age it was "designated driver got drunk", but it can apply to pretty much everything). That served me well for several decades.

[riak]

I was raised by two working parents and my mum always says "there is nothing more powerful than a woman with her own money."

[esperanza]

my grandmother, who was born in the 1930s and was married for over 50 years, always told me she only had one advice for me: never, ever be financially dependent on a man.

[Averyr]

Also the ‘stay at home GIRLFRIEND’ is so cringe, it means you didn’t get the level of commitment as wife, and you’re doing all the wifely duties. Not fair, very dangerous financially, and it sets up false expectations for men to think they don’t gotta commit cause they’ll get all the benefits of a wife with less work.

You also get NO alimony if you break up, and it can honestly be such a waste of your 20s get married before you move in. Period

[lerascurls]

It’s not even necessarily about abuse - he could fall out of love with you and ask for a divorce 20 years down the road when you least expect it and you’re left with nothing in your bank account. Then you’re forced to rely on alimony payments which are often not enough. This recently happened to a friend of my moms and it left her needing to learn independence when she’s 50 years old, instead of when she was younger and would have had much more time and resources to develop her career and financial assets

[Redsilas]

My dad demanded my mom not only work full time, but be a full time housewife too plus she had another job on the weekend. Her college degree in his eyes was 'worthless' and she was 'worthless' because her income was $40k under his. He told me growing up that it was my job as a female to 'be a slave' to whoever I married and if I don't get married, I was to live at home and work full time and hand over my salary to him so he could stay at home and 'finally relax'. He also read a lot of Gor books and wanted a 1950's home lifestyle. He felt robbed of that growing up because his dad died from drunk driving when he was young and his mom worked full time.

Later when I was older I saw SO many of my friend's moms who were stay at home and 'tradwifes' suddenly faced with a divorce as their husband cheated on them or slept with much younger women. They were given the option of putting up with the cheating or leave. In some cases divorce papers were served without warning and all of a sudden they are in their 40's with ZERO marketable skills. Having the work at Walmart or McDonald's to get by all of a sudden and lose out from the spouses retirement in the divorce because the husband controlled ALL the finances. Terrible.

But at the same time I have several members of my extended family that made the TradWife thing work and now in their 70's they are still happily married. So I've seen both ends.

The secret though - my relatives who stayed happily married as TradWives - they all had a degree in something (education, nursing, mathematics, etc...) and had some work experience prior to starting a family, got married in their early 20's. Many would work semi-part time when their kids were in school since they weren't catering to child rearing 24/7, but nothing solid, just enough to bring in some spending cash and keep skills up.

[TijuanaK]

Been there (stay-at-home -fiancee) done that. Never again. Having one person (the man) control accounts, home ownership, etc. is not a flex--especially when he begins to under value you, resent you and sneak out to lunch with a female co-worker while you are at _his_ place figuring out dinner. It took me until my late 20's after doing this to finish grad school and get my career.

Ya'll do what ya'll want though. I'm a black woman, so it absolutely is a thing for some of us.

[Rose-ptwo]

I'll always choose my education and career over being a homemaker. I've always HATED being dependent on people. It sounds awful in my opinion.

[nitajoesplaytherapy]

I was a TRADWIFE....LADIES GET YOUR OWN MONEY. Don't leave yourselves vulnerable. Listen to this good advice 🙏
Make sure you take care of yourself financially

[nervousbreakdown]

There’s a reason why so many abusers try to financially isolate their victims

[ladyancap]

My great grandfather came to Brazil from Italy in 1890, started a family and acquired land, he was a coffee producer, he had 10 children, of these, 6 were women, and he raised them to be independent, they all had their own horses, weapons, obviously they knew shoot and learned to manage the lands they were going to inherit. He said that a woman has to have her money, her transport and her gun. He was the best!!!

[Carmeng-r]

Being a stay at home girlfriend seems extra dangerous because there is no chance of alimony if you break up. I think it’s more wise to have at least a part time job if you’re not married, and especially if you don’t have kids yet.

[spruceandhemlock]

Speaking of financial independence: Get a prenup ladies. My sister just lost 50% of HER retirement fund to her manchild ex husband who could never hold a job for more than a month during their five year marriage.

Protect your social security, your retirement, your savings from the person you marry.

[alicec.]

My grandmother, who was born in the 1920's, would slap all these girls in the face and tell them to build their own careers now.

[apieceofcoffee]

I once practiced as a Realtor and I will never forget one desperate client I had. She was a woman between 40-50 with two special needs kids and hadn't worked for the nearly 35 years she was married. Her husband decided to divorce her and cut off all communications and all the finances she had access to. She was stuck fighting for alimony (no guarantee even if she won the case because he declared bankruptcy), frantically selling everything in the 4000+sqft house and find a place to rent which met the county housing budget before her kids started school again. Finding a landlord that accepts a renter like that was impossible. Never ever ever give up your financial independence.