Everything Wrong With Jumanji In 17 Minutes Or Less

Just in time for the Jumanji sequel, we go looking for sins in the original. And boy... did THAT movie not hold up well at all. Yikes!

Next Week: 2017 action sins & Christmas sequel sins.

Remember, no movie is without sin! Which movie's sins should we expose next?!

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[troy]

The homeless man who fills Alan in on his dad's breakdown was a former Parish Shoes employee who lost his job when it folded, that's how he knew about Sam putting all his time and money into investigators and therapy, and why he ultimately links Sam's grief with the collapse of the town's economy. A really well written scene

[Agonystt]

Actually, he only got stuck inside Jumanji for a turn. The problem was that the turn lasted for 26 years.

[Boomer]

1:47
As someone who works on construction sites, if anything of archaeological significance is found, all work has to be stopped until a full examination of the site is done by an archaeologist. If that guys hourly, he wouldn't say a word.

[doctorfeinstone]

I remember when this first came out, it was marketed like a family flick. Then when you actually watch it, it has a very strong horror vibe

[lomax]

"... with or without coconuts." Five sins knocked off for Monty Python reference.

[aliciacarr]

I'd add one more sin for "They didn't burn the wooden game box just threw it into water where it was much more likely to be found again. Destroy that shit!"

[marielosgonzalez]

13:00 CinemaSins-guy say "neither" while the subtitles read "either"

*Ding*

[kouizumi]

So...
They released an actual board game for Jumanji (probably as a tie in for the Jack Black/Rock version) and it took us at least two hours to finish it. They did a great job arranging the rules so that once you start playing, you HAVE to finish properly. It's very well made and pays perfect homage to the source material.

[CoopaTroopa]

To be fair to the game many board games have random things that can affect either just 1 player or the entire game. Monopoly for example has 1 person getting paid or fined, 1 person paying money to every player, and every other player paying 1 person so it's possible that Van Pelt was a 1 person consequence while the stampede, monkeys, etc. were game world consequences.

A real life version of Jumanji would be rolling a dice and then reading a card so the Van Pelt card would say "Must make it 10 spaces in 3 turns or you get captured by the legendary hunter Van Pelt who resets you to this square" while the Monkey one would say "Monkey's slow the expedition all dice rolls for every player are 2 less than what the dice shows." Perfectly internally consistent.

[real_lampcap]

Ya know if a girl says her friend got sucked into a board game, I'd understand why you wouldn't believe her. But when I come home and find that board game on the table with the pieces still on it and my son's bag a stuff still on the couch opened and hear the girls story, I think I'd probably start to believe her and make her roll the dice until my son came back.

But what do I know?

[timfrey]

No one mentioned the fact that the same actor who plays Alan's dad plays the hunter also lol

[splatoonsavage]

You forgot a sin

“So Alan rides by this town statue and doesn’t see any of the bullies that are hiding on the side that he’s facing or even the side next to it”

[amandax]

The weird drumming from the box used to scare the crap out of me as a kid 😅

[coralineparmentierworldpianist]

"These batholes have been trained in cinematic timing"
This was awesome :D

[Sillysoft]

The reason why the kids ended up in Allens city is because since Allen never disappeared, his father continued to work at the factory, it became successful instead of shutting down, allowing Allens dad to pass down the business to Allen. Now that Allen controls the company, he then sought after the kids parents and hired them to work for his company. Then when they decided to take a vacation, Allen demanded they get to work on the new projects instead, averting the outcome of the parents dying in a car crash.

[ruthrichardson]

"I tried to drop the dice so it would land on 12!"
"Oh okay, well that would be cheating, honey."

[BloodyFlowerFilms]

Rest In Peace, Robin Williams. Fuck, I still can’t believe he’s gone. His passing still left an impact on me. Anyone else feel the same?

[Silver_Salvation]

I loved Jumanji and Zathura when i was younger.
Such good Memories.

[raikazuchi]

It should be noted that the game isn't structured to rip away almost thirty years of your life. You only have to stay in the jungle until another player roles a five or an eight. Sarah just massively shafted Alan by pussing out and leaving the game on pause for twenty-six years. Which is the somewhat flimsy explanation for time travel, as it had to ultimately reverse his being trapped, which should have only been a few minutes. And then, naturally, a pubescent rich kid somehow survived that whole time so the group could conveniently have their own Tarzan to contend with the game's bullshit.

[amandakatebutler]

Rip robin williams ❤️ he was a great actor and it shouldn’t of ended the way that it did