sitting on a rooftop at night | a playlist (slowed + reverb)

if you want the full playlist, it's in my spotify!
(love u all & thank you for your support heh)

─────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────────

⇨ my spotify! ↷

⇨ song request link! ↷

⇨ all rights go to the original artists, i own
nothing that is included in this video!!

─────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────────

stay safe ♡
-- ellis

[euncian]

•°. *࿐ timestamps! •°. *࿐
0:01 - you not the same by tilekid
3:40 - erased by hakaisu & wmd
7:58 - school rooftop by hisohkah
11:52 - the beach instrumental
version by the neighborhood
17:18 - vas by jagger finn
19:13 - lonely nights instrumental
version by haroinfather
23:41 - welcome and goodbye by
dream, ivory
27:39 - (dream) by salvia palth
29:42 - where's my love acoustic by syml
34:41 - poison tree instrumental version
by grouper

[staticmoon]

I have the strongest desire to belong and to be wanted. I am 18 and 4 nights ago I experienced my first cuddle. It was the most out of this world experience, made my heart do backflips and I just felt... like I was a bit more complete. I cuddled the same girl to sleep for 4 nights and today it makes me sad to think that for her it was most likely just a kind gesture and nothing more, but for me it was the biggest step towards feeling happier and loved in... ever. She has gone home now and although I am so so grateful for that experience with her, I can't stand to think when the next time will be. It made me realise how bad I actually need it. I know everyone says "you are still young" and "you will find someone" and I know these are true but I need it so bad, so so bad. Have a goodnight everyone. I will do my best to stay optimistic and just be grateful for now. ❤

[bimonarch]

i’m here again, everyone’s favorite friend. my heart condition is not getting better but i’ve received a lot of love from you guys previously, i’m sure that with time i’ll be able to heal and finally open that lofi cafe i have always been dreaming off. thank you, ellis- to me you’re a great friend even though we may not talk directly. you help me out by gathering these type of songs and compiling them into one playlist. thank you all for believing in me, i love you all ❤️.

[mattloveland]

The picture is how I want to feel. I just want to live my life knowing I’m happy and proud of myself and not doing it for other people. I want to just sit on a roof playing songs and just. rest.

[elena-wfwc]

the first song describes everything. i feel so empty. i can feel feelings, but the bad ones hit even more. i can’t decide if i’m in love or if i want that attention. i can easily say ily cause the life i live feels like an Illusion. everything i do feels so unreal. its like i’ll wake up one day and everything i did is “over”. thats why idc what i do yk? idc about anything. i feel like how i would feel in a dream but those emotions dont feel real. i feel like everyone is talking behind my back and everyone just act like they love me. and one day i’ll get up and everything is over. and i’m the only person then in everwhere. sone moments feel like i’m the only person in the whole world. its like- i’m dead and gonna wake up one day again. its like everything is fake and will be fake forever. it feels like i’m not writing this and this is just a dream. and its like i’m not able to feel anything.

except when i’m w her or txting him.
when i’m w my sister i forget everything. its like the world is holding on and i could decide what happend next. she always smiles at me and show her happy side. when i’m w her or playing w her anything its like this will be forever and i’m so happy cause shes happy.
and i feel so special around him cause when i send him vids from me and my little sister (shes turning 2) he always say how cute we are together and how cute i look. he really lover her how he loves me. and thats the best way to say ily to anyone. he always looks soo happy when i send pics or vids from me n her. he always care about me and ask me how i slept and how my day was. i feel so comfortable around him even if i never met him. we got the same mhsic taste, same dreams, same likes, same fav food, same humor, .. its like my soulmate is there in anywhere. he love my messy looks and love if i spam him w pics and vids how my day was. i guess i really love him even if we dont know each other that long. he cares more than anyone. hes like my escape place. he makes me soo happy. i wish i could hug him just once, and i would be such a happy person.

[becho]

To the person who lost themselves,



I know that there will always be somebody who will leave and lose their battle against everybody and everything, and it's very upsetting knowing that the person must have been going through so much that they put an end to all those suffering they thought they would fight against. I guess, everything in the end begins to seem as though it will burn away anyway at any given time, that is when you lose hope and end it yourself. It's been continuing for years now, and the time has just brought you torment, only wasted time. For what reason should your time come out of nowhere in which you would finally feel like you have a place on this earth? And you think, you ask, you beg and you let everything happen, feeling too frail to fight against everything by yourself, feeling sick realizing that you will feel awful for the remainder of your life, and you ask yourself once more, why you? And I wish I could answer myself, know why it's happening to you, and I wish to reveal to you it's another lesson life has offered you to learn, but once more, why you? You feel the hole hauling inside your heart, it's getting bigger everyday, walking with an opening in your heart that eats you alive, is this how it feels to burn? Your surroundings appear to be too far away to reach, you don't have anything to hold, to grab when you fall, and you ask once more, do you deserve this? And I wish to tell you that all those awful things that happened to you weren't because you merited them, it’s because life seems to drag you down until each and every evil presence gets to you, because isn't that how life functions? You fall, you grab, you stand up, get a couple of scars, and the circle continues to rehash itself. But it seems you already can't hear me. Between the two of us was only distance, I was unable to reach you, I could just watch you slowly losing yourself, and I could see you asking as to whether you are sick, trying to sort out what’s wrong with you . I wanted to answer, tell you there was nothing wrong with you, that you aren’t sick, yet you were unable to hear. I wanted to see you, however the person that looked directly back at me didn't seem to be the same any longer, and I can't help thinking about what they put you through that you didn't appear to see color. I tried to describe to you, I tried to make you smile, I tried to draw you so you could taste the person you used to be, and I tried to show you how to feel love again but you pushed me away, what happened to you? I saw your eyes, they look nothing like mine, aren’t eyes supposed to be the mirror of your soul? There’s nothing, so empty, so heartbreaking to see. And I have seen your dark circles under your eyes, I touched my face, I didn't have any. You must be awake all night, worrying, regretting, thinking, losing? And, your lips, you bite on them until they taste like blood, are you okay? Your skin seems to be made of glass, it broke a lot, is that why you have those scars? I want to touch them, they seem to have pages of suffering behind, do they hurt? I tried to grab for your hand yet you wouldn't let me, you were unable to see any longer, you appeared to convey layers of darkness with you that you couldn't see light. I know this is anything but a game but don't we all have a second chance? For what reason wouldn't you be able to play once more? Yet, you shook your head, later, yet what happened to your 'later'? For what reason does your later sound like never? Also, for what reason do you just seem to sleep all day now, do you sleep so you could dream of getting away from your own world? That doesn't seem like me, I like to dream when I am awake, I like to live my dream. Yet, you, you are on your bed, and you struggle to awaken, you skip showering, brushing your hair and brushing your teeth and I can't help thinking about what it is?Why won't you tell me? Did I betray your trust ? You shook your head once more, doesn't matter. What does 'doesn't matter' mean? You feel sick, I need to help you, how did your feelings start to lose their value? For what reason do you say it doesn't matter when it does. I need you to be OK. And all I got from you was, don’t bother, let me be, doesn't matter, later, and I considered what was so amiss with me that you were unable to tell me? Until one day I saw you on the restroom floor crying, and I stowed away in the corner and watched you slowly, and you said you didn't feel like belonging, so I inquired as to whether it was me who didn't make you feel like belonging.


So I want to show you how to love once more, how to be you once more, how to smile again and how to be alive. So would you let me? And for the first time, you investigated my eyes, you seen me, you wanted to touch me but there's a wall between us that wouldn't permit us to touch, you gave me a weak smile that meant everything to me, I know you smile a ton when loved ones are near, yet this time, it seemed like a genuine one, even if it only stayed for a few seconds, it was enough. At whatever point you weren't looking, I was fighting for you, at whatever point you weren't hearing, I was trying to give you solace by walking close to you, at whatever point you weren't smiling, I tried to touch you, at whatever point you didn't feel like belonging, I gave you the sun, at whatever point you wanted to leave, I wanted you to remember me. Somedays, you didn't see me and other days you have seen me while there were other days when you attempted to look for me. I felt like a phantom and I was scared that I was dead in your eyes. Here and there you got mad at me, you wanted to burn me, you wanted to hurt me, you wanted me dead. But, I forgive you, because toward the end I had been you from the start, toward the end regardless of whether you weren't believing yourself I had faith in you, toward the end all I needed for you was to be alright, that at whatever point you were sleeping, my dreams for you would become reality. I wanted you to remain because you also wanted to once, I may have been dead in your eyes or lost, however I will consistently be younger, present, and old you, I will always be you, I will always fight for you until your world isn’t grey anymore.

And all I wish for you is to remember me whenever you want to leave. I wish for you to remember me and not forget about me.

Forgive yourself, forgive past, future and present you.


- A letter for yourself.

For past you, present you and future you, since life will consistently give you chaos. Perhaps you will have hope sometime and a day or two ago everything seems lost. But all that matters is that you are here, not close to me, not in front of me, but rather behind this screen, and it makes me happy and proud to know that you are still here. We as a whole need somebody to remain, and that is you.

PS;

I may haven't been in your shoes, and perhaps maybe you feel like I don’t understand you, but from what I can tell you that there is a home for you. That maybe life is a whole chaos by itself, but those little moments, when you see a butterfly fly or when you pat an animal are the ones you should hold deeply in your heart, that maybe it was never the bigger picture but rather the little ones. That you will feel like shit for days but will be able to laugh in the next few years. I can’t tell you why all those people are suffering for no reason, I don’t know how life works either, but from one stranger to another, maybe this moment makes life worth living. You are reading something I am typing for you, that is something to hold deeply in my heart, because you care as much as I care about you.

Life can be shitty sometimes, I agree. But at this moment, you are reading and I am writing, I hope you will be okay, I hope you are okay now. I hope you will keep continuing because even though we are strangers, you are still important to me, because I am not afraid to love you, I am not afraid to love and care about a stranger. So I will say it, I love you, and I will tell you that I care about you, and I will apologize that I can’t be by your side, and I will cry with you because I don’t want to let you down, I will look at the sky and think of you, I will tell you the truth even though you maybe won’t believe it yourself. That you are loved, that you are enough, that you are doing enough, that you are worthy of love and happiness, that you aren’t weak but strong, that you hold so much strength, and that you matter, always.

So stay, today, tomorrow, and many more days.

Until tomorrow my friend- becho

[uvrvmtf]

Reminds me of when I woke up from the dream.
The dream where everything bad was gone and was replaced by good.
I was devastated.

[goxkrfb]

TW!! SH, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, MANIC, ED

this really helped me ellis. i can’t thank you enough. <33
i was having a manic episode, so bad that i convinced my self i was dead for 2 weeks. i had these thoughts of just jumping off a building, killing my family, cutting, everything. i couldn’t feel. i didn’t eat for days. i was listening to this right before i was about to commit. something about this stoped me. i don’t know, i feel so much better.
for anyone struggling, just know YOU ARE REAL, you are valid. i love you <332

[eligh]

I sat there, swaying my feet and rocking my head to the beat of the slow peaceful music. I watched the cars go by, and the people hurry through the streets. I noticed the street lamps flashing, and the shop lights dimming. I saw those people fall in love, and those fall out of love. a funny thing love, isn't it? one second its there, and at a blink of an eye, soon its over. I felt a cold tear fall down my cheek. a small smile lifted across my face. I was finally free. I looked up at the twinkling stars, and the glowing moon. I listened to the cars race past, and that ambulance race faster. rushing to save the lives of innocent people, the thing we call "Life" soon to be taken away from them.

[bubblegum]

I’m tired. I’m so tired of it. I feel unwanted.

Awhile ago, maybe 4 months ago, I had made a voice memo, talking to myself about what my parents do, what my siblings do, and what happened in 3rd grade.

It was only for me, I didn’t intend for them to know, or hear it, but at the time I thought that I’d help strengthen the bond between my parents and I, knowing what I’ve been through and how it affected me.

I sent them the voice memos. They listened to it. My father cried, and my mom only cared about “how ungrateful” and “stupid” it sounded. She scolded me about it and told me that my feelings don’t matter because we’re in quarantine. She told me that they didn’t matter because my feelings weren’t real, that they were made up, I made them up because I was bored and there was nothing to do.

My brother beat me. He called me names 10 times a day. Body shaming me, embarrassing me in front of bus kids, calling me ugly, telling me I look disgusting.

My sister never paid attention. She didn’t notice. She just texted and called her boyfriend everyday, all day.

My father is more of a macho man. He likes guns, America, and beer.

Trying to talk to my father is like talking to a brick wall. He never changes his mind.

He’s racist, sexist, and undeniably an asshole.

I used to love him. I loved him, adored him, cared for him. I made him lunch everyday for him to take to work. I did his laundry, specifically. I followed his stupid and far fetched rules.



My father also has anger issues.
When we didn’t do something he’d like, he’d break our belongings. He would scream in our faces, calling us names and insulting us. He hits us. It’s called discipline, but he goes to far. When hitting us, he only uses a belt, hiring us on our legs, nowhere else. After hitting my brother super hard with the belt 4 times my brother can’t walk for a day or so.
This happens a lot.

I don’t feel safe here. I don’t want to stay.
Do you have any advice on how you o deal with it? I’ve been having some panic attacks, I don’t know what to do.

[sashac]

I don't normally leave comments but this is incredible

[ellohooman]

I feel like music is the only thing that actually makes you feel the emotions you lack

[anonymous]

I think I have an addiction, an addiction to academic validation. It feels so good when the teacher calls out my name and says I got the highest marks. It feels good. But after the applause and that 5 seconds it doesn’t matter. I remind myself of all the unwanted stress and sleepless nights, not spending a lot of time with my family. I just get too overwhelmed and bc I can’t control it I cry, myself to sleep. Wishing I could be one of those people who don’t care if others thought i was smart bc I knew I was smart. Who didn’t have their whole life centred around school. Who went out with their friends and spent time with people who loved her. Who thinks a grade that others would kill for is not enough. I hate needing academic validation, to feel fulfilled of other people opinions on me.

[zirrcon]

this playlist made me calm down after crying for hours. especially the first song.

[Kuzukn]

I saw this at he perfect time I’m not able to sleep today I love this playlist

[ohflyaway]

I'm really late but I like this playlist, so I'm going to write a POV for this, hope you like <3

POV:

Late shifts were the worst. Leave it to me to work the night shift at Waffle House. I sigh and make my way home, a small apartment an hour away from all my friends at home. As I walk home, I silently curse at the rain pouring down, but my apartment was too close to call an Uber.

Once I got home, I set my soaked hoodie aside and scoop up my cat, ready to sleep until noon. (Or until my next shift.)

Then I hear a noise upon the fire escape.

"What the heck..." I mutter as I climb up the ladder, getting wet the second time that night. Then I see the boy next door on the roof, his legs dangling over the side of the building.

I smile softly at the boy, hoisting myself over the ledge and onto the roof.

"Hey, " he greets, waving. "Do you want to sit down?"

"Nah, " I say, shaking my head. "I'm afraid of heights."

He chuckles and shrugs. "Okay then. It isn't really that bad though." He adds, gesturing below.

I shrug and sit down next to him, watching the cars and the lights blur together as I rest my head on his shoulder.

(This was so bad- I'm sorry it sounds so stiff! Let me know what you think :))

[orionnnn_]

What if life was just a dream, a vision? And why does this “dream” feel so real but so fake. Life is weird, and when you think about it, it’s…scary, unsettling. But, we have the motivation to wake up everyday for a purpose we don’t even know exists or ever will exist. You ever question why we’re here? I do, a lot. But, why? Why are we here? Which brings back my point of waking up to basically nothing everyday. Living out our lives, differently. It’s, overwhelming to think about, but it’s all true. The basic idea of life is work. We’re born, go to school. Then, for the rest of our lives, we work. Everyday, and that’s all there is. It gets quite..boring at times. And though I may not be working, everyday is no different. Does it change? Get better? Or maybe it gets worse? Or we live our lives the same thing everyday. Does it ever change? For any typical person, no. You live, you die. And it’s depressing. But, what if we aren’t real. What if this pain that we feel everyday. Doesn’t exist. And if so, why does it hurt so bad then? I don’t like it. No one likes it, but we go through it everyday. And back to the basic idea of nothing changes. And when things do change, it’s exciting for a little bit. But, eventually it’ll become the same boring lie you live everyday. Why is it like this? It…hurts. To let you know I’m all ok. These are just thought I have often. So, stay safe. And have a great life everyone.<3

[soloisgone]

I was listening and I kept having to take my head phones out cause the noises made me think I want home alone.

[shillylolo]

My mother lost her mother to Diabetes before I was born. Her mother and I have the same Zodiac sign and the same laugh(according to my mother). As a kid, I remember coming to my mother in the morning and telling her all about how I sat on the swings with her mom and we talked. I told my mom, "She says she loves you and misses you a lot". I'd never met her and I had no idea that she had passed away before I was born. It doesn't stop there. My due date was May 5(her mother's birthday). On top of that, I'll sometimes hear a voice saying something like my name or just saying something like, "How are you doing?" and I'll turn around and no one was there. It's always a female voice and the way I described it to my mom, she said it sounds like her mother. When I went skiing with my family, I came down the mountain with my younger sisters and then I heard a female voice call me name several times loudly. I looked up and there was a woman waving at me. My mom was inside the ski resort cafe eating and the only other people we were with were males. I waved back, confused at the time, but I look back on it and I just know it was her. Sometimes I'll go in our backyard and talk to the sky as if she's listening. I know she is.

[minjaehyuk]

this playlist is like my most fav one.