No One Will Ever Love Me

▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Disclaimer
00:11 - Reddit Post
01:27 - Sometimes we're lonely
07:04 - Fluctuations of the mind
12:17 - What IS real
17:54 - Meditation

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DISCLAIMER

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All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.

[ryanbarker]

"Put yourself out there" is one of the most annoying things people say...

[baddestbunny]

I think more than anything the thing that draws me to Dr. K's videos is that he seems to get where people are coming from and meets them where they are at. I feel understood so often watching his videos and he's not even talking about my specific circumstance.

[altair]

I have a lot of people around me who were always in relationships, even after a breakup, they would find a new SO within a month or two. They will never understand the struggle of people like me, who are desperate to at least get a hug from someone, who are starved for human interaction and human touch (even nonsexual). Right now I am not even mad if a stranger bumps into me on a bus, because at least I experience touch from another human being.
I build my career, I work out (actually I am a marathon runner), I try to develop myself, eat healthy, all that, but at the end of the day, I would just like to cook someone a dinner, tell them how I missed them and hug them. The loneliness and emptiness that comes from being single for years and years, being crushed after rejection when you thought it was going someone over and over again - it takes toll.
I simply cannot even express my pain anymore, because I know that people would always assume that I'm just pathetic loser and incel crying about not having a gf or sex. But it's not like that.
I began to work as a petsitter - once, for my love for animals, but also just to be able to at least hug a dog after a long day (can't afford my own dog right now).
It's just something that most people will not even grasp, because they have friends, family, kids, wives, husbands, girlfriends and boyfriends, so they just can't imagine how it feels when literally for years no one sincerely hugged or kissed you.
I feel like a disgusting freak that doesn't belong anywhere in this world. I gave up all hope for true love, marriage, kids and all this stuff, I know I'm never getting those. At this point, I would just like a hug to not feel lonely for 10 F-ing seconds.

[Cybertech]

The most insufferable people are the ones who don't know the difference between platonic love and romantic love. Very often, we get advice like "Oh, you're lonely? Just go find some more friends!" as if they can't realize that the holes left by the absence of eros love and philia love are different and often aren't interchangeable.

[Outuition]

"Whoever gives nothing, has nothing. The greatest misfortune is not to be unloved, but to never give love"- Albert Camus

[skunkpawz]

While there are the feelings of loneliness and not finding someone to be intimate with. I also find it a struggle to interact with others on a daily basis. This can be going to a job, going out for groceries/necessities. Overall just having to interact with other humans on the road, public, whatever it may be. A very big distaste for the general public. Id go as far as to say developing misanthropic qualities just from bad experiences or expecting the worst in people.
To combat loneliness would be to try and reach out with others, but what if you're just so used to being ignored, mistreated, and so forth, that it impacts you on how you interact with the world and its inhabitants. It's the stuff that makes you not want to go out at all because it just feels better to avoid it altogether.

[pheonixwilson]

Why are you always in my head; these titles be too on point

[yodaisme]

I dont feel satisfied with his answer here, even when I think about it, me having more than my share of an effort in friendships and not getting anything in return is SO FLIPPING REAL. The mental exhaustion and anxiety may just be in my head but the actions which have brought about those feelings are oh so real and there seems to be absolutely nothing change whatever I try to do. How is accepting and understanding my feelings going to help me here, am I just supposed to fix myself and continue "putting myelf out there" making me vulnerable to the same shit all over again?

[dend]

He's right. Our actual self is always neutral. Emotions are transitory and can be separated from the self like taking off a wet coat. First you think you're wet. Then you realize the coat you're wearing is wet. Then you separate yourself from the coat. It's still wet, but the yourself is actually quite dry and neutral.

[Invisibleful]

I think this is a rare occurrence where K cannot help, and I appreciate the honesty. Loneliness is a death spiral, the more lonely you are the more lonely you are likely to become. It is sad to see people becoming exponentially more lonely, it is even more sad when they get all motivated and hoped up, and then it doesn't work, and you can see the incredible despair in their eyes, makes me want to cry even saying this.
The solution K provides seems more like an avoiding strategy rather than a solution, and it makes sense. Understand your desperate feelings as a neurologist, detach from them personally, and you will ease the frustration.

[OreoFromYesterday]

Right, I’m not UNlovable, it’s just that I haven’t been loved for the last 10 years. Which is so obviously different /s
Idk feels like pedantically to me, if we had unlimited time on earth, sure, this would be fine. But at a certain point someone will have spent over half their life feeling destitute and alone and they are just supposed to think “oh no, it’s only a feeling, it’s not real and doesn’t have any impact on my actual life”

[KingOfNebbishes]

So a couple years ago, I started talking to a lady from Sweden completely unromantically. It was easy to remove romanticism from it on my end - we lived across the world from each other, she was a decade younger than I and interested in someone more her age who lived closer, and I had a bad dating history that made me gunshy. We talked four or five days a week casually, shared personal stuff, but it was just friends.

Then one day she mentioned that when covid wound down, I should come visit and have dinner. It was a pleasant idea, but I'd never left the country and never owned a passport. My mom's family came from Sweden, though, so I figured if it ever happened, I'd be killing three birds with one stone.

Got my passport a few months later, then talked to her about it. Rented a hotel room in downtown for myself, started building a little travel itinerary for myself. Made sure to communicate that I wasn't expecting or demanding that she play tour guide.

Two days before the trip, she decided to tell me she wasn't comfortable meeting me. I'd done everything I could to minimize that, but still evidently came off as too much of a creep to meet in person.

Talk about a gut punch. I basically ghosted, because after years of seeming too intense or creepy to people, and years worth of work, the same result. Caused a huge depressive episode that I never really got out of. I start therapy Tuesday. Man, it's rough.

[AIandsuch]

This is the best gosh darn channel on youtube, hands down. I watch these videos almost every morning and it just gets me in the correct headspace. I am slowly starting to think like a psychiatrist and it helps me tremendously.

[_dire__]

This is the video I had most hopes for yet got the least from. Me being disregarded by people IS real. What am I supposed to do about it, just focus on my thoughts? That's like saying "if you focus on the physical pain long enough, you'll realise it's just a brain signal", well yea but that doesn't prevent pain from occurring. That doesn't make the pain go away. That just gives me tunnel vision on my own pain, which is worse.

[Nalters]

It takes energy is exactly why they can't be bothered. Seems simpler to just go to work on your craft within the environment of similar people until friendships organically grow, instead of trying to force a superficial friendship

[youtubeaccountserio]

Again he strikes again, this videos come out exactly when I need them at point! It’s like he reads in to my mind

[omaraly]

What I’ve learned recently about human interaction and keeping up with social relationships and connections is that people are very fixated on whatever is in front of them at that certain moment.
For example: if your best friend or someone you know that you think would text/call or whatever is out with another group of friends they’re most likely not going to text you or think about you at that moment and I’d most likely do the same.
So I’ve learned not to take these things too personally and if you want to keep these social connections active then you try to make yourself more visible to others with confidence/charm or friendliness (easier said than done)

[Iudicatio]

I was thinking about this, because today I visited one of the very few beautiful examples of modern architecture in my area. And in one room they added several details to sort of give an illusion of a round room in what was actually a perfectly square building and room. And all the other rooms were completely full of squares and straight lines.
I am not a visual person at all, but even I picked up on this right away and I spent a good part of the day asking myself what the designer might have been trying to convey with that. I thought maybe it's a metaphor for the gap between our minds and reality. Thanks for always making the perfect video at the perfect time.

[SitusCoats]

I find the problem isn't that you feel unlovable for no reason. It's that you reinforce the belief of unlovability with evidence. I'm 31 years old and have never been loved by anyone outside of my family, so therefore I must be unlovable as conditional love "should" have happened at least once by now. But it hasn't, why is that? it must be my fault? I must be doing something wrong...

Now of course, as the good doctor says, that doesn't make it real. And to some extent I think even we ourselves know this as we have conflicting feelings. We assume its our fault but cant come up with any logical explanation as to why it is our fault. I look in the mirror, im not particularly bad looking, nor good looking, just an average joe. I have a decent personality, a good sense of humour. There's no obvious reason as to why I should be unlovable. But it doesn't stop the feeling does it.

[matasuki]

The more you work on your social skills, the more you realize it's just a game. The more jaded you become about social interactions.