how to STOP WORSHIPING the male gaze & master adoring yourself | psychology tips | feminist

Stop waiting for men to worship you, worship yourself instead.

This video covers - advice/tips on how to stop focusing on male validation (easy techniques).

00:00 - coming up
01:01 - internalised male gaze explanation
05:24 - stop worshiping the male gaze
17:10 - adore yourself

Please know you can always get in touch with me on ...

[AyDeeAichDee]

I am so happy I found this, I felt so alone in it. The coffee shop mention was SO specific too. Sitting in a coffee shop, picking a seat so men can see you and “admire you”. Not drinking the coffee properly because you want to appear “elegant” and “feminine”. Pretending to study in the coffee shop, but being 100% aware of how you’re being perceived and performing. Wanting to be a “manic pixie dream girl” and appear mysterious and beautiful and perfect while also being funny and not feminist and being “deep”. It’s SO exhausting constantly living for them.

Thank you for making this. Watching the video in itself has started my journey for authenticity.

[coolbreeze]

I agree with the performative part. Many straight women, including myself, have put a lot of thought into their appearance and body language based on how they think men will perceive them.
It's almost like we're programmed to play characters from a very young age and this doesn't allow us to develop our authentic selves.
It took a long for me to realize how much effort we put into certain clothes, wearing certain jewelry, doing all kinds of things to our hair and even putting on a mask of make-up. These are things only entertainers should be concerned with. Not the average woman who is proud to be in her own skin and wants to live authentically.
Why do we feel the need to draw people in with a mask that isn't who we really are.
Working on our energy and our souls creates an environment where people on the same wavelength will find eachother.
Trying to disguise your genuine soul will only repel those meant for you and attract those who are wrong for you.

[Dolce-Vita]

Male gaze is never about love or compassion. That's why it makes women doubt all the time.
A great movie with female gaze: portrait of a lady on fire. A french movie.

[lilybaillie]

I’ve never felt so seen and appreciated until I watched this video. I feel like you really understand me.

[mirage]

Fun is a basic need for me and a priority in my life. One thing that really excited me at the thought of dating was yes I finally can have quality time with someone and go out for a movie or explore this place…but the problem with that is that means I’m putting the key to my fun in their hands, like I’m waiting for them to walk through that door so I can have fun. I get to experience things that excite with or without a man (if I met a guy at 70 would I just be waiting to have fun until then?!). I get to experience quality time and speak to my own love languages. I get to have fun on my own! I am allowed to experience joy. Also a tip i got from somewhere is scheduling weekly/monthly date nights for yourself or doing things you were saving to do with a partner. No more waiting to be chosen! Thank you Alessia for this soul nourishing insight you give as always ❤ we can have what we want and are deserving of it too ahha 🎉

[GLOWORMFORLIFE]

I 100% agree with self validation. But if you've never experienced validation from a man then like anything it's the reason why we need to go 1st hand through these trials and errors or else there would be no learning. It's usually in our brokenness we find ourselves ❤

[natnat]

Cool thing is that men can use this advise as well, I feel like when growing up they lose time chasing a woman’s beauty, they can also improve themselves so they won’t see us anymore like an object, having a good relationship with one self and being authentic is the goal.

I like your channel some of your videos a lot, I am happy to come across your channel

[hirayashanang]

the performer thing is so real! i feel like i always have this need to perform when a guy is there, honestly not even with guys but generally everyone but mostly when there are guys around. and it's honestly so mentally draining cuz u wanna stop it so bad, be a girl's girl but u just feel like a pick me and u cant do anything about it cuz thats js how ur programmed to

[superstarleo]

I can count on my fingers how many YouTube comments I've written but I really wanted to say that for the past couple of months your videos helped me tremendously. I've gone through my first break-up in May after a 4-year relationship. We had met when I was 15 so I essentially grew up with this person. Feeling a lack in my life has been a reality for me ever since then. Your content and your words have kindly guided me through weeks of trying to fill that void with male attention. I had big trouble concentrating at uni, the number one thing in my life that excites me. Hearing what you had to say really made me shift my focus and spend more time doing things I actually enjoy. The low after getting male attention/validation is so real!! I still struggle with that but I'm at a way better place so thank you ❤

[twinkling.]

Have been binge watching your videos for few weeks now. And each of one it inspires me to become a better version of myself or be authentic. It’s a long way but definitely worth trying it❤

I also believe if we dress up or behave in certain way, we attract those men who aren’t for us, but who are attracted just for looks. But if we our ourselves, then we find those men who value soul connections and we can create a better bond with our spouse. Of course, finding someone is not the ultimate goal but this is also just another bonus of being our authentic self!

[LanNguyen-iuoe]

“Your body is just a home your soul” mmmm yes ma’am!!

[divyakhubdikar]

Loved every bits of this.. All advices on youtube regarding healing in dating and relationships are centred around "when u do this, this do bla bla to Men'' "which is why HE reacts like this" ... Even the basic of how we should be is centred around "him''rather than focussing on why we should be a certain way for our own good. It's refreshing to see your channel. Thank you soo much. ❤ I needed to hear something like this and I met you. Grateful ❤❤

[cburri]

Alessia, I have so much appreciation for your channel and your work in making these very important videos. I spent 28 years married to a narcissist only to leave him and fall in love with an even bigger one. No matter how beautiful I am on the outside or inside, it makes no difference to a man who only wants to use you when they need you, and cast you aside in confusion the other 90% of the time. Finally I see what the universe is trying to teach me, how to put men aside and focus on myself first. And your videos have shown me where this strange need comes from and just how ingrained it is in us from a very young age. I have much yet to learn and will put your ideas into practice, but this awareness has really opened my eyes. To put the validation of my worth in anyone else's responsibility is completely insane. I'm a smart, experienced woman and I will be seen and take up space. I still feel like I want the emotional security of being in a relationship, but it has to be with the right person or no person at all. I'm done sacrificing my own peace to keep everyone else's in tact. Thank you for all you are doing, keep up the good work. Any additional videos with specific strategies and tactics are welcome!

[snehasrivastava]

thank you alessia you are healing my inner child im soo grateful i found u here on youtube lots of love from INDIA

[magdaw]

the ferrero rocher comparison was really getting me!
but all in all your words are so wholesome for me. I am struggeling right now with the issues you‘ve just mentioned in the video and i just love how you made feel. i felt heard or rather understood. i hope i arrive the state of mind where i adore myself and stop trying to get attention from men or persons i would want to get! thank you for this ❤

[ambre]

I feel so concerned about thisss 😭 thank you🫶

[anniab]

Alessia you are amazing. You are helping me so much and I'm sure you're helping lots of other women too. Honestly, I was never really aware of this issue with the male gaze. I always knew I have some issue with men but was never really sure what it is until I found you with your wise words. You are eye opening to me and I can't thank you enough, you're really helping me to find myself and my worth. ❤❤

[Naturally]

Thank you so much, this video was so important for me to watch right now. You feel like the big sister I never had <3

[BeStillandKnow]

Such a great reminder for us all. Hope this video reaches out to those who needs the encouragement.

[nerdfighter_]

Omgosh, you are saying all the things i need rn, after diving into these themes on yt for some days. And i am gonna say to myself, among other things spontaneously too, - Hey- you have endless value, like all women do, even with our masks. I want to write about women now, and i have been writing the story inside, all my life. This hit home, thank you for sharing Alessia!