Autistic Masking and Unmasking ft. @Aspergers from the Inside

Autistic masking - a conversation between Yo Samdy Sam and Aspergers From the Inside

Join me as I talk to Paul Micallef who runs the amazing "Aspergers From The Inside" for a live discussion about masking - why we do it, what it looks like, whether we should #TakeTheMaskOff or whether it serves a purpose? How can we live authentically while still masking? How can we convince people that we're autistic when all they see is a version of us?

We will also be telling you about the upcoming "Autism Explained" summit, which Paul has organised and I will be one of the speakers. It is an online event, running over 5 days from 21st September 2020.

This live is scheduled at a slightly different time from usual due to the time difference between me and Paul, so I hope to see many of you there or on the replay! Set your reminders now, you won't want to miss this!

[JohnSears]

There is another bad side effect of masking. If you mask from a very young age, by the time you realize "hey, I'm autistic!" your sense of identity can get a bit warped.

[GarnetHeartIllustrations]

I never realized that emotional intelligence could be a special interest. That stopped me in my tracks when he said that bc I've been obsessed with understanding my emotions and motivations as well as others' and I never realized that might be a special interest for me

[scoutthespirit]

"im not broken" that goes deep. it took me discovering a "disorder" to feel not broken anymore. hah thats ironic.

[Mysterytour]

Honestly I would go to more parties if people would talk to me about psychology and game theory.

[oaklandkiwi]

I unmasked and was rejected and judged by family and friends. Really reenforced my already low self esteem. I'm very isolated now but I refuse to fake who I am anymore.

[ekahistrong]

I'm a well-educated 55 plus woman. I've spend most of my life wondering why human interaction and relationships are so difficult. Recently, I found out. If I had only know sooner I would have avoided a lot of depression, poor self esteem and lost relationships. Very thankful for what you do!

[traceyadixon]

"If people accept you for your mask, it feels like a rejection, because I feel that, if they really understood who I really was, behind the mask, surely I would be rejected."

My partner is going through this at the minute, and it's heartbreaking to see from the outside. But he has masked for so long, he feels he doesn't even know WHO he is without his mask. :'(

[le]

The feeling rejected for people loving your mask is beyond resonating with me. It became a joke among a small group of friends (before any of us knew about this) that when a new person would visit and meet me I would be at an 11/10 (fire all the available charm, humor, kindness guns asap!) and they would say "I know I just met you but-" and all my friends would start to laugh "I just love you instantly!" and they would laugh hysterically and I would laugh and do the whole self deprecation "who, me?" song and dance. The new person would be confused and some friend would jump in to say that this happens every time, that I'm pretty much a god of first impressions. Inside I'm shrinking, thinking "Oh no, I've done it again, how long do I have to keep this up? Forever?" Looking at this pattern with distance it's pretty ridiculous for this to happen every time. Why did I feel this need to project this awesome person so strongly from the get go, not giving anyone the chance to see me and grow their own opinion slowly? WELL, I feel I'm getting potential answers slowly...

[flite]

Lockdown was no stress for me. Work from home, didnt have to go out and do things I didnt want to do. There wasnt really anything I felt was missing and I felt I gained a huge level of comfortableness which will sadly go away when I am forced back into the office.

[reflectionpoint]

When Paul lost track of the conversation and..it was perfectly okay and he could simply ask where they were at and then picked up the train of thought again. It was all okay. I'm literally in tears at that simple moment. I don't even understand how that's possible to be so comfortable in a conversation

[priscillacrockett]

Yes! I eat the same breakfast absolutely every day and it means so much to to me ♡ I dont know how I'd ever let anyone into my daily life because although I'm rarely bored, I'm sure I'm incredibly boring to a typical. I have no interest in drinking, eating out, going to parties, etc. I could read & watch fascinating documentaries for the rest of my life. Luckily, I'm an artist, which is kind of a transparent mask. People expect artists to be strange, lol

[patriciareid]

My diary was either me attempting to write things I thought I was supposed to write or be feeling written with extreme paranoia that someone else will read it and judge my inner thoughts. Or I actually write what I'm thinking and I find it so embarrassing and wrong so I hate myself more and scratch out the page and any other marks on pages underneath incase someone can read it from the imprint

[soozshooz]

WOW!🤯 The safest person you can be around is yourself”🤯THAT is why we say we’d rather be alone, need solo time, etc. it’s not only because we are exhausted from Masking, subconsciously we know it’s because this is where we are safest with no one to judge us or hurt us.

[PriankaEvangelineSLP]

I'm a Speech Therapist. I want to cry watching this. There is so much misunderstanding and force on children I see to fill their beautifully unfolding mind into a boring old box. I really wish parents are more understanding. thank you for sharing. Ur voice is the change.

[grayguy]

The thing Sam said about talking about game theory hit really close. Whenever I find out people have a favourite subject, I try talk about the subject, just how I’d enjoy it if someone spoke about my special interest. I always got weird looks when I’d start going on about colour theory after being told that someone enjoyed art lessons.

[Autisticheather]

So i spent 2 years at work worrying what people thought of me and trying really hard to be likable to them and act in ways that didn't offend them. I got fired and no one knew. I just disappeared. And NOT A SINGLE PERSON TEXTED ME TO ASK IF I WAS OK. this was a rude awakening. All the energy into worrying what they thought of me... and it turns out THEY DIDN'T. at all.
It hurts a lot. But it's also a good lesson.

[coopersy]

63 years old, learned was autistic (and not BP, OCD, ADD) last year... and I’ve masked so long it has become part of who I am whenever I am around people. It is horribly exhausting and I really thought this was what life was just like... “see people, get exhausted, come apart, get apart, recover”. Recently found my old primary school report cards, and the progression of learning to mask is so completely obvious. Hiding stims, disappearing, either doing extremely well in school or not doing school at all. I have started trying to not mask around my kids, but the switch is so automatic.

[howtomeetwomen-]

I've been saying "fake it til you break it" my whole life, so this cracked me up. I found out about autistic burnout a few months after it happened to me. Thank you for the video.

[taylorlc]

I think you two need a podcast.... Discussing different aspects of the Autism spectrum and experience... I would listen to it! Informative and relaxing. And as some one who cannot be diagnosed in my state because of my age I would appreciate the insights.

[tangerinefizz]

I once had a bumper sticker that said something like, "It is better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not."