Not sure why you say yes when you really mean no The Consent Wizard is

I wasn’t sure what I would find when I reached out to the person behind an online educational business known as “Consent Wizardry. ”I celebrate our culture’s (woefully recent) conversation about the importance of consent, and I am, as those who know me will attest, all about wizards. But even armed with the knowledge that its founder, Mia Schachter, offers classes exploring consent that are, in the words of someone I trust, “awesome, ” I wasn’t quite sure what I was getting myself into. A legalistic lecture? A politically correct guide to sex? A magical journey into the cavernous realms of our conscious and unconscious relationship with “yes” and “no”? Well, maybe not magical, at least not in the wand-waving sense, but definitely a journey. Schachter, 33, believes that consent, or rather our underdeveloped sense of it, lies at the bottom of many of society’s ills, physical and cultural. And for the frequency with which terms like “modalities” and “polyvagal theory” appear on Consent Wizardry’s website, the purpose of Schachter’s work is pretty basic. Whether we acknowledge it or not, the fact is that we give, withhold and/or ignore our qualms about consent every day. When we agree to work weekends, or get involved in someone else’s crisis, or submit to whatever plan our peer group has made. Sometimes it’s fine, but sometimes we find ourselves filled with resentment over doing something we really did not want to do because we didn’t think we could or should say “no. ”Wouldn’t it be better if we understood what we wanted or were willing to do and were able to articulate it firmly? What if we stopped making assumptions about what others were willing to do and just asked?“Consent is all around us, ” Schachter, who uses they/them pronouns, said recently over coffee. “Not just in the sexual realm but everywhere. ”Two to five times a week, Schachter teaches classes with titles including “What is consent?, ” “Practice saying no” and “Self-consent and the nervous system. ” Consent Wizardry’s Instagram account is full of posts about setting boundaries in all areas of life — themes Schachter also explores in a podcast called “Share the Load. ”Schachter is very clear that they are not a mental health professional; Consent Wizardry was built on the sort of winding, creative career emblematic of the culture’s recent shifts in form and content. “My background is in theater, acting, writing, directing, ” Schachter said. “But I was always interested in feminism and gender issues. In my 20s, in my mind was, ‘If I don’t become a playwright, I’ll become a sex educator. ’”Yet Schachter’s career took a few more turns before fulfilling that prediction. A few years ago, they moved back to hometown L. A. to write for television — beginning with a romantic comedy about someone whose job was to choreograph sex scenes. “Then all these articles came out about intimacy coordinators, and my writing partner and I realized, ‘Oh, this is a real job.

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