How Insecure Attachment Affect Your Relationships

Attachment refers to the bond you form with people in close relationships such as your parents, children, close friends or romantic partners. In this video, I focus on the 3 attachment styles developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth.
Secure
Insecure-Anxious
Insecure-Avoidant

The two insecure styles can be summed up as: anxiety about being abandoned or avoiding intimacy and closeness.
Here are four things you can do to improve your attachments.
1. Recognize your attachment style by examining your significant relationships.
2. Practice self-compassion.
3. Journal or reflect on your secure relationships
4. See a therapist for professional help with making this transition from insecure to secure.

WANT TO START IN THERAPY? Here’s a convenient and affordable option

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References
Rowe, A. C., Gold, E. R., & Carnelley, K. B. (2020). The Effectiveness of Attachment Security Priming in Improving Positive Affect and Reducing Negative Affect: A Systematic Review. International journal of environmental research and public health, 17(3), 968.

Mackintosh, K., Power, K., Schwannauer, M. et al. The Relationships Between Self-Compassion, Attachment and Interpersonal Problems in Clinical Patients with Mixed Anxiety and Depression and Emotional Distress. Mindfulness 9, 961–971 (2018).

Disclaimer: All of the information on this channel is for educational purposes and not intended to be specific/personal medical advice from me to you. Watching the videos or getting answers to comments/question, does not establish a doctor-patient relationship. If you have your own doctor, perhaps these videos can help prepare you for your discussion with your doctor.

[calistusjay]

I used get attached dangerously quickly and would give my all to someone. But after a few times of them not being the same, I feel like I have completely lost the ability to be attached.

[ibanez]

The turquoise jewellery really suits you

[theadvocate]

"All relationships fail until they don't"-Dr. Tracy Marks 👏👏👏

[fatimahabunaji]

What if the only secure relationship I ever had was with myself? I always get me out of darkest places, heal myself and tell myself "everything will be OK"
Thank you Dr. Tracey

[scizard]

“Your fear of rejection can lead you to end relationships” I felt that lol

[JordanP.]

I always feel like everyone doesn't like me and that they're just gonna leave me so sometimes I leave in advance. I end up having one favorite person and it feels like they're everything to me. It's not even romantically but it feels like there's no point in living without them around. That scares me though because what if something happens to them.

[mnmlst]

My mother is insecure anxious, my father is avodant. Great combination of dysfunctional family, because they both are toxic and control freaks.

[aaliyahm.]

The algorithm finally got it right! I really needed to hear this today. I just started dating a really good guy and my anxiety about being rejected or abandoned was already starting to creep up. This video really put things in perspective. Thank you

[starboiklem]

Im definitely avoidant style, most of the time i want to be alone and I don't think or care about my significant other not because I don't love them but because im an introvert so i usually like being alone and independent.

[Holleywood]

I just found out about attachment styles. I have anxious insecure style in romantic relationships. I literally thought I had a mental health disorder because I was obsessed with men who had rejected me. Now I know to have more compassion for myself. ❤️

[jamies.]

I love your videos because you address possible “root cause” issues such parenting style and childhood trauma but tend to focus more on solutions. Thank you.

[guccirobinson]

I love how well spoken she is. Very clear to understand.

[lildebbie]

I wish you were my next door neighbor. I imagine sitting on my front porch with you sitting next to me, rocking in the rocking chairs, drinking mint juleps and discussing these dynamic, mind blowing topics you choose to discuss.

[cazadoo]

Insecure anxious right here, separation anxiety since I was a toddler

[CheeseBurgerSugar]

My mother left me and my father when I was a little over a year old...I knew I’ve had abandonment issues and my insecurity in relationships has been devastating. I’m taking a lot of time for myself to try and reparent my inner child. Hopefully I can be a good mother to the inner child.

[olivia]

I am anxious/avoidant, but I don't know if I fit into any of the categories you describe. I feel I am understanding and forgiving of myself. I might occasionally kick myself for something I said, but I don't hate myself for saying it. It doesn't consume me or make me inhibited about talking.

I feel like I am way to sensitive to vibes I think the other person is giving off. The slightest hint that someone doesn't "like" me makes me back off. It isn't that I don't feel I need them. I am just very sensitive to the "vibes." At the same time, I am fully aware that I am likely misunderstanding vibes much of the time.

It is perplexing to me why I can't change this. I am close to very few people. I am ok with it in a sense because I am very independent and happy enough on my own. But I know I am missing a lot and don't really know how to change.

[ChrisLT]

Been learning a lot about attachment theory this year. Glad to see more and more people talk about.

[lona]

I'm a very emotional person so when I am going through alot of pressure or guilt, I would either cry for long periods of time and go to sleep. I would write down and then go to sleep or do anything to avoid my feelings instead of actually dealing with it. I noticed that this habit has affected my relationships aswell

[LunaGray]

I have anxiety about being abandoned, I have great parents but I've been ghosted a lot by friends and people I liked and or dated, you'd think it would make me crave physical affection but I'm autistic and I don't like physical touch except in romantic relationships, I also have a hard time knowing when, how and how much physical touch to use. I find it very stressful and confusing so I typically let other people use physical touch when I'm comfortable with them or avoid it altogether. Relationships as an autistic person are difficult.

[pam]

I have always chose men that have been unavailable so i got hurt. If i like a man from day one I'm on Fight and Flight mode i lose weight and can't concentrate and any sign like longer txting me back or not txting i get super anxious! But i never reach out to them i wait for them, but i nearly have breakdown until they do.