Overcoming Shame Around Sexuality | Ep. 155 with Frankie

This coaching session is about sexuality and freedom of sexual expression. Frankie feels shame about who he truly is and who he is attracted to. Shame is one of the most painful feelings we experience as humans because it reinforces the illusion of separation, makes us feel like we don’t belong and can’t be who we truly are. It reinforces doubts about self-worth because we think there is something wrong with us that we need to hide or keep secret. So, if shame is something you deal with in any aspect of your life I encourage you to be present as you watch or listen to this episode.

To shift and heal shame it is necessary to bring judgments and secrets out into the light. Talk about them, and share them. You can’t free yourself from shame sitting in your house alone journaling. You have to speak to people about it. Have the courage to share what is true for you. Self-express, take a risk and even if you are judged — no more hiding. Filling ourselves up with love and compassion will allow us not to take things personally when we are judged for being who we are.

When other people judge, ridicule, or shame us it is out of their own self-protection. Their own unresolved issues are being triggered. It comes out as mean, aggressive energy. Don’t personalize it. The more you personalize it the more it reinforces shame. Greet it with compassion and find your tribe of people who do accept you.

And, we have a lot we need to heal and shift when it comes to sexuality, sexual expression, and the freedom to love who we want to love. In times when you feel ashamed or alone, elevate your perspective and look at the divine assignment from a higher altitude. It’s a bog mission to shift the collective. The more people who shift these paradigms with love the more they are going to shift.

People light up when shame is lifted!

Consider/Ask Yourself:
Was there a time in your life where you felt bullied or ostracized? Do you still hold on to it and allow it to keep you separate? Are you willing to reframe it?
Were you born into a family, community or a set of religious beliefs that conditioned you into beliefs you are not sure are yours?
Do you feel like the black sheep of the family and are you scared to be who you are because of judgment?
Are you scared to fully self-express and to be who you are because you don’t want to be judged?
Do you internalize what people say about you?
Are you scared to be who you are when it comes to your sexual expression?
Are you ashamed to love who you want to love?

Frankie’s Question:
Frankie wants guidance on how he can truly free himself from shame.

Frankie’s Key Insights and Ahas:
He is super involved in his Christian church.
He is attracted to men.
He separates himself in groups.
He has been bullied and judged in school.
He finds comfort in God.
He repressed his sexuality.
He was conditioned to believe his feelings were wrong.
He is questioning himself.
He wants to make an impact in the world.
He heard a message from God that there was nothing wrong with him.
He knows he has come into this world as a spiritual warrior of love.
He understands he needs to radically love himself.

How to Get Over It and On With It:
He needs to create a place of acceptance and compassion inside of himself.
He needs to not take things personally and shouldn’t repress his feelings.
He needs to activate discomfort in others.
He needs to forgive himself for his inner judgments.
He needs to reinforce his new beliefs with ‘I am’ statements.
When he feels shame he should recognize it as his alarm system.

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[arianaromez]

i didnt realise i had a problem. i closed my sexuallity feelings at very young as i was ashamed. this has resurfaced, i am now 28 and still in closet, this video has seriously addressed issues i didnt realise i had. thank u so much . u are amazing christine

[bmg]

When I was called names at school it made me suppress all feelings and lead to a breakdown and years of failures in education work and every area. In my mid 20s I got a got therapist and learned to grow and finally build myself like I should have from a child.

[ushaani]

"I think you're waaay farther along in this than you give yourself credit for, Frankie" *hair blows effortlessly in some mysterious indoor wind*

[kenclive]

I'm a straight man who grew up in a strict Christian family from India that is heavily involved in Christian schools and ministry. I was on the path to being a contemporary music worship leader, and then threw in the towel after all the hypocrisy I saw in the church and all the shame I felt inside for not only my sexual attraction but also having my own "vain" ambitions. Once I graduated with an engineering degree and got my first big paycheck, my family tried to marry me off for fear that I would start sleeping around (virginity is priority 1 in Indian culture). It's taking time to heal, but ever since I walked out of the sanctuary 5 years ago, guitars in hand, and said no to many arranged marriage proposals, I am investing in my growth so that I can shamelessly date women I am attracted to, with the hope that I build a quality relationship with my future life partner. Thank you Christine for your insight, this story really touched me.

[Healingfromtheroot]

This helped me a lot. Raised Catholic. 32 now. So much clarity after a rape and first sexual exp at 16 and my family calling me the nympho when I went for help. I separated from this girl for many years out of shame to my family but realized I am very sexual now. Trying to understand how to integrate her ❤️ it’s starting ❤️ and by not shaming others, I feel she is freeing

[MODELBODYINTL]

My aha moment from this video that really resonated from my experiences is that being a “free” person could trigger judgment in people because they have unresolved issues in themselves. It’s interesting because I’m pretty bisexual but just came out as a gay male because it was easier but I’m always very honest that I believe sexuality is very fluid and that souls don’t have genders. My straight friends are actually really cool with it and pretty open minded but it’s actually my gay friends that get triggered which is so ironic because they’re always championing equality but this vid made me understand that I’m actually triggering something unsealed in them.

[BradleyAllenby]

Thank you both for this great episode to watch. I felt really connected to what Frankies issues were as I too have been dealing with the same issues. This episode really gave me a lot of clarity on the work I've done to help myself but also gained a lot especially on the "others can only love and understand you to the same degree they love and understand themselves" - that too really hit home with me and felt an instant release! Thank you again for sharing this episode. I love watching these videos! Forever grateful - thank you! ❤ xx

[biggzz]

thank you so much, this changed my life. Ive had these doubts inside of me for so long and this video has answered so many of these fears. I am so much more aligned with my truest self after watching this. thank you. I am very very grateful.

[bone_apple_teeth]

I live in Mississippi, and being lesbian here, and my family being staunchly against the LGBT, I feel deeply embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I feel like I have no one to talk to, because I would feel judged and ashamed to talk about it more. I feel like it’s something I have to wind it up inside of me and hide myself in a corner.

[notdefining]

Literally just cried throughout this. Wow.

[ryanzblue]

This is life changing. Thank you so much. I’m going to listen to this daily until I Memorize it.

[LeopardGeckos]

thank you so much. i have intense internalized homophobia that i need to beat

[lordalepore]

this consultation session was exactly about me and I found it so informative and I really appreciate your hard working to help other people, thank you so much:-😍😘😘😘😘😘

[cprado]

Wow he is so brave. That's one of the most couragous guys and he is so handsome. I hope he is very proud of himself for doing this episode. Thank you both for this amazing session. It opened up so much in myself

[pauldopper]

WOW this is THE BEST and most helpful interview I have ever watched and listed too. Thank you BOTH so very much :)

[brandigibson]

this is incredibly helpful video. beautiful. inspiring. honest. thank you both! 🙏

[Teezer]

This episode came at the right moment. You are truly saving live!

[GREENEYEZ]

It's so crazy how I am watching this I grew up trying to accept myself for the longest and religion had a big part in self torture maybe I thought God would hate me or I'm going to hell that was always heavy on my mind for years so after finally meeting a gay friend that I can talk to I knew it was right and I am not alone just never really vented to anyone but in the midst of me fully accepting myself i wanted to keep my faith strong so i decided to get plugged in a local church and boom condemnation hit me and I felt as if I need to change but I've tried and it only got worse because i got to a point of forcing myself I felt as if it was wrong and I had to change so for about 3 years straight I fell in a deep depression it honestly feels as if I was asleep like where did these past 3 years of my life go. I'm just trying to move forward from these thoughts as if I am bad because I am gay or beat myself up because I cant change

[danwaggoner]

I used to have a recurring dream that I was in prison and surrounded by other threatenening fellow prisoners and was in terror of being attacked. I think what she and Frankie talked about with people being afraid of their own repressed desires reminded me of those dreams.

[FINEDIAMOND]

This was a candid, wonderful dialogue! Thank you Christine!