Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse | The Gottman Institute: Relationship Behaviors that Lead to Failure

Certain negative communication styles are so lethal to a relationship that Dr. John Gottman calls them the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. They predict relationship failure with over 90% accuracy if the behavior isn't changed. So, what can you do?

Practice these four research-based antidotes to save your relationship from certain destruction.

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[JustASmalltownGirl]

Learning about this changed my life. I did all of these in most of my relationships without realising. I thought it was normal, now I realise the damage this does and try to be very self conscious when communicating. It’s literally abuse to behave like the four horse men. Hurts me to think how many people I hurt deeply behaving like that without realising, awful

[johnybrokeit]

I like the 'take a break for 20 minutes' and then attack again, concept.

[falltuneu]

this really helped actually because i was ina tough time in my relationship about 2 years into the relationship we kept having arguments and i was always such an idiot name calling and she would stone wall me but 2 years later and were still together with no arguments and advice like this helped

[jt]

These are my mother's primary modes of communication. This explains a lot about this family..

[MariAlfaro]

What’s wrong? “It doesn’t matter I don’t want to fight” just realized this is stonewalling

[rachaelb]

Yeah I’m a defensive stonewaller. I have gotten much better about the defensiveness by accepting responsibility for my actions even when they suck. Stonewalling is difficult because I never really learned how to deal with conflict growing up or in adult relationships.

[KenBruin]

Wow... I really resonate with defensiveness. I feel like I so often resort to this because I don't want to take responsibility for my own actions. I know this is something I can work on.... very helpful!

[AndreaCairella]

This will be a great video to share with my clients. In my practice, I help couples break communication barriers that they face in their marriage and recognizing these negative patterns.

[lipsohlips]

Man I do all this shit... I haven't even started dating yet and I feel like I'm failing lol

[anber]

i always say “forget it”..! i need to change that!!

[serenarossi]

That's why i always wonder how can my parents be still together after 40 years.They show each and every of these behaviour

[AdisCandra]

i suffer from contempt and it's eating me alive.
i dont want to feel superior but i do.
i treat him with respect consciously but at times im just so frustrated.

[LALKRSKB]

Is it sad that my wife has accused me of not taking accountability, not knowing how to communicate, and has made me feel like the one responsible for everything that I’ve gone as far sometimes apologizing when she does these things?

[honey]

What do you do if stonewalling has been there from the beginning?

[__-pljg]

A great tool to help one another emphasize is to share a common emotional experience. LSD or Psilocybin tend to work well 🤩.

[ddogg]

Very compelling analysis, Dr. Gottman

[alicsdillard]

This was insightful, i watched it twice and forwarded it to my wife. I'm definitely a criticizer

[celiaescalante]

I wish I could feel worthy of the love a man is beginning to have for me. I just become emotionally shut off, especially by negativity with the idea of rivalry with other women.

[Headroomtalking]

Yeah good luck fixing humans without the spirit 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😍

[Blackmentalhealth_MFT]

These are relationship killers for sure. Working through these take patients, mindfulness of the fact that they're even happening, and the ability to apologize and forgive 🙏