AITA for telling my sister?

[kimpatterson]

She's taking advantage of the death of your child. Good for you for helping her out when she needed it, but it's time you grieve your loss.

[cro]

that sister has absolutely no empathy - does she have any idea how traumatising this is for the op?

[Sere]

Exploiting and shaming somebody during what is probably the harshest time of their life is just plain despicable. Shame on both the sister and the mother.

[Tellystrartist]

sounds like the sister gave up trying to find a solution to her own problem of being unable to produce milk too soon, plus lacks empathy

[karengraves]

I'm so sorry for your loss. You must take care of yourself and do what's best for you.

[jenniheinanen]

That's just sick. Calling OP selfish and yet literally milking her child's death for her own gain, that sister is a whole new level of vile AH. Maybe sister should look more into medication that would help start up lactation and not push it on OP. Or start by trying some de-stressing exercises, since that can cause problems with lactating.

[taramccormick]

As a mother that couldn't breast feed. I had hemorrhaged when I had him. I lost 600 ml and they only had me take iron pills. Needless to say mine never came in. The sister is just throwing a fit because she doesn't want to pay the cost of formula. It is actually also advised by the American Academy of Pediatrics to not feed a baby another women's breast milk. There is a whole article on it so there is no reason to feel bad for stopping.

[tammystockton]

Take care of yourself and stop pumping ! And I am sorry for your loss!

[dricka]

INSTEAD OF the embodiment of misery loves company, you are the embodiment of nature helping where it can. You put aside the feeling of the loss of your child to help your sister out while she was in desperate need. When you decide that it is time to do your grieving for your loss, you are thanked by being called some nasty and very unkind things. I am sorry for your and your husband's loss of a child. That is a devastating thing to have happened to you. You are to be commended for what you have done for your sister. BUT, who needs enemies when you have a sister that treats you this way, just because she is not getting her way. She must realize that producing milk is taking a toll on your energy, not to mention, that it is a constant reminder that you are not feeding your child whom you lost. God bless you and your husband. May he gift you with another pregnancy and a healthy baby!

[juliestarr]

First of all, I’m so so sorry for your loss. Losing a child at any time is devastating but to have it happen within a week of your sister delivering a healthy baby is gut wrenching. You don’t owe anyone anything right now, your only job at this moment is to get through the day. It was amazingly selfless of you to give your sister your milk for her baby, but if your dr is telling you to stop and continuing isn’t good for you, then that’s what you need to do. Your sister is a huge ahole. I understand wanting the best for her baby, but to put it on you with everything else you are dealing with is cruel, and nobody in agreement with her is worth your time or energy right now. You offered her the milk you’d pump in the 3 weeks you were told to pump, she knew there was a stopping point and approximately when it was, if she chose not to buy formula as it became available that’s not on you. Hang in there and let your hubby take care of you, and if your family is making things worse turn off your phone. 🤗

[lisaking]

Wow, that is insane!! NTA! If she wants it so bad, why can’t she ask the hospital to have someone provide her with breastmilk?

[juliel]

Why do people think that cussing at someone and/or calling them vulgar names will make them do what they want them to do?

[daniellamalcolm]

As a person who usually tries to avoid confrontation, I suggest phrasing it like you can't give milk rather than you don't want to (even though that should be enough for people who should respect and love you to accept your wishes). You could tell them your doctor said health problems could arise if you continued, or that they prescribed you some meds that could affect the milk so you have to stop, or even tell her that your body naturally stopped producing milk so you can't do it anymore. It would be ideal that you didn't have to lie, but it's an option when your family pressures you like this, if you don't have it in you to fight for your own respect after such a heavy loss.

[YuubiTimberwolf]

NTA.
Your sister is taking advantage of your by that point, 5 weeks is plenty of time to find a formula that works, if you just put in the energy in looking around.

Stop pumping, take care of yourself and have time to grief.

[nebelland]

If you would have not lost your child, she would’ve needed to find a solution too. Don’t let her pressurize you into something that is not good for you.
You are the aunt, not the wet nurse.

[warturtallo]

they all say "selfish selfish" while they're the selfish ones

[jkmoon]

NTA!
You have just lost a child and your sister doesn’t see anything wrong with asking you to do something that not only can be physically hard on your body, but also mentally hard as you probably think about your own loss every time you pump.

Forget all about your sister and others who say you need to help!

The only one you need to think about is yourself right now ❤
Sorry for your loss.

[farmerned]

WHOA!
OP has gone above and beyond already!
NTA

[antikoinwnikotath]

i am so sorry for your loss. yes your sister is way out of line, you should do what is best for you and your health, physical and mental. it was really kind of you to help your sister out even when going through such a hard time yourself, but by now your sister should have already found a replacement for the milk, the fact that she did not find anything shows that she was relying on you way too much.

[azulaozai]

The audacity is making me sick to my stomach. The entitlement from her and your mother makes me want to throw up. My condolences on the lost of your child.