how to speak so that people want to listen

#socialskills #communication #speech

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0:00 Most people are…
0:38 (1) Ditch the hedges
3:20 (2) Don’t hesitate
7:27 (3) Turn pasts into presents
9:41 (4) Know when to express doubt
12:36 Summary

[NewelOfKnowledge]

To everyone counter-arguing the first point by saying: “I would never trust anyone who speaks in absolutes all the time. Plus this is what causes most of the problems in the world - over-belief in your opinions.” - I agree with you. I wouldn’t trust someone who speaks in absolutes ALL the time - hence I purposefully included point 4: “know when to express doubt” to counter act this. (9:45)

I appreciate your counter arguments, I genuinely do, but you gotta meet a brother halfway & watch the full video for context before jumping straight to the comments to vent. 😂 (lol I’d probably do the same as you so no harm done).

Anyway, I’m asking for too much and it was my fault for not explaining what I meant by “strong opinions held loosely” further (speak with certainty when you have belief but if someone proposes a solid counter argument have the grace to accept it instantly).

Either way, thank you for your time and attention.

See you in the next one,

Lew x

[jonathanchristen]

“How way your day yesterday?”
“It is good.”

[Luckyboyee]

I rarely use “I could be wrong…” in a professional setting because I need to convey confidence. I use the phrase “depending on” to provide wiggle room for topics that ask for specifics and can change base on a number of factors and come back to hurt my reputation as an expert.

[bearlogg]

Professional yappers forget a dialogue isn’t a monologue & that humility/uncertainty is a good spice in small doses

[MisterFanwank]

I would follow someone who gives me measured uncertainty because I'm an engineer. If you don't know your hedges, then your project is going to blow up. Too much certainty in my work means you will certainly fail, and likely without learning the lesson. An inability to deal with uncertainty is a catastrophic character flaw to me.

[Chrispy]

Pausing only works when the other people you’re talking to isn’t trying to interrupt you or is rushing to give their point.
There’s been time where I’ve been cut off from 1.5 second pauses

[Its.a.u]

“When you hedge, not to be confused with edge” *gives us the look 👀 *

[Necroman]

1. Ditch the hedges (Speak with certainty)
2. Don't Hesitate (No "likes" or "uhms", chose silence in between words instead)
3. Turn pasts into presents (Speak in Present tense as opposed to past tense)
4. Know when to express doubt (Soften your statements to soften others)

[anthonypeterson]

While I understand your delivery, the true problem is that most people are not good listeners. This method removes the burden of expecting them to listen and commands them to.

[formxshape]

I had a manager at work who used very loud and sustained - compared to the volume he was speaking - to dominate the conversation, block anyone from interjection. Drove me insane when working to keep randomly hearing a loud ‘ermmmm’ out of nowhere. Worked for him, as he was able to push around people….

[TrishaNP]

The lowest stage of competence is unconscious incompetence. In science and more specifically, in healthcare, overstating confidence and using absolutes often reveals who is dangerously unaware of their competence deficits. The most competent people I know avoid absolutes, while still speaking with intention--further demonstrating they are aware of where the line falls separating the known and the unknown.

[velvetsound]

The best advice I ever got from a board member at my startup was: “make declarative statements”. It’s the best career advice I’ve ever received.

[jakecavendish]

As a lawyer we're actually trained to use what you term "hedges" on the basis that no state of fact can be assumed prior to the fact. It's quite hard to break the habit in normal conversation. Along with the classic "never ask a question to which you don't already know the answer." Makes cocktail parties a bit of a nightmare

[letsdomath]

2:18 This is very useful to filter out people that are incompatible. Someone who speaks in absolutes is to be regarded with suspicion, especially if they are charismatic. If they are consistently right and provide well constructed and sound reasoning, that's one thing, but if they use always or never repeatedly and eventually come up short, that's someone with whom I know not to associate. I prefer people who aim for accuracy and are dependable and reliable. People making hyperbolic claims without justification in the past have taught me to steer clear of others who communicate in this way.

[EmilyTienne]

No one KNOWS it will definitely rain tomorrow. If I heard someone say that, I’d think to myself, “another know-it-all.”

[Youkai]

- "I could be wrong, but..."
- "Yes, you are."

is how this opening or something similar usually goes for me when I speak with overly confident people. With this you're showing that you don't know what are you talking about, that you don't believe strongly enough in what you're talking about and make yourself vulnerable. If you have someone you're often arguing with or if you understand that you're arguing with an overly confident person, no amount of rhetorical tricks will help you. The best you can do is listen to the other point of view, think to yourself how wrong it is and give up, without arguing or responding.

[delias]

This is, with no exaggeration, the best YouTube video I’ve watched this month. Thank you.

[shredflintstone]

The best way to get people to want to listen to you is to genuinely listen to them

[Shadefecator]

Counter perspective: speaking without hedges can make you sound arrogant and/or stupid, which will make people listen to you less.

[buttmanY]

I feel like I'm here for affirmation but then again I'm always learning no matter what. That "ahh" moment.