How To Overcome Your Fear Of Intimacy In Relationships & Dating

Fear of intimacy is a thing that many people deal with in relationships, not just men. So how do you know if you have a fear of intimacy and if you do, how do you overcome it?

Hi, I’m Lucy Goldman from LoveLearnings. I’m a commitment expert and dating coach so I know a thing or two about fear of intimacy. I know that it can be so paralyzing that you’re unable to form a happy relationship. But I know it can also be very subtle, dwelling in the background until it suddenly shows up and makes dating impossible.

So what exactly is a fear of intimacy?

It isn’t necessarily that you completely avoid all forms of intimacy. In fact, many people with a fear of intimacy actually long for closeness, but always end up pushing people away and sabotaging your relationships.

Put simply, fear of intimacy is the fear of being swallowed up by a relationship. It’s the fear that you’ll get too close to someone else and lose a bit of yourself in the process.

The thing about fear of intimacy is that it doesn’t always look the same. It manifests in different ways.

Here are some ways that fear of intimacy may be manifesting in your life.

1.Going for unavailable guys

This is a very common and very sneaky way to satisfy your fear of intimacy. You may only go for guys who are way out of your league, are already in a relationship, aren’t interested in dating, are gay, or who don’t even know that you exist.

Whatever his specific situation, you can bet that he’s not going to be interested in you for very long, if at all. And by continuing to pine for him, rather than an available guy, you guarantee that you won’t have to worry about anyone getting too close to you.

2. A “my way or the highway” approach

I’m talking to all the control freaks out there. If you value staying in control of a situation above all else, you may be masking a fear of intimacy. This is for all the women who are ready to call off a date, dump a guy, or otherwise back away the moment anything negative happens in the relationship. This fixation on control will guarantee that the only kind of guy you’ll be able to land will be one who is afraid of you and unwilling to challenge anything you do or say. While you may end up in a relationship, you’ll find that it’s unsatisfying and not as close as you’d like. This is because, since you’re the one calling all the shots, you’re not really in a relationship with anyone but yourself.

3. Hopping from one relationship to the next
If your relationships keep ending before you ever learn his middle name, then you may be using short term relationships to avoid any real intimacy because you’re scared. I will say that there’s nothing wrong with short term and casual dating but if you find it becoming a pattern that you’d like to escape, you need to look it in the face and face the truth: you have a fear of intimacy.







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[jomarrivera]

The girl im talking to has that fear. Should i just stay strong and put my need of intimacy aside . Its only been 3 months, she rarely messages me and she recognizes she has the problem. She shows love alittle then goes dry super quick. I know its a challenge but i feel like when the wall drops it will feel like the most rewarding thing together and both of us will appreciate it. So should i just go her pace ?

[markfancher]

My new ex had this fear. Could not tolerate the lack of affection