Childhood Trauma And Hypervigilance Around Money, Possessions and Home

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The family dynamics that cause trauma in childhood (alcoholism, mental illness) often involve poverty, housing insecurity, and living at the mercy of people willing to help, if only for a little while. In this video I respond to a letter from a man who grew up in extreme chaos, and managed to survive; his adult life is stable and successful, but he's haunted by the fear he'll lose it all. Hear my advice for healing the past and making peace with the future.

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[LorraineWatson]

Thank you. The neurological response you explained is the missing link for me. Now I understand that my return to old feelings and reactions is so much more than me not “getting over” the past and “hanging on” to negative thoughts; I try, but some experiences throw me back to childhood responses without me being able to mentally stop the reaction. Hyper vigilance is me, a lot!

[khemaloving]

My father (RIP) always made sure the fridge, basement freezer and pantry were stocked with food, overstocked, even. He explained to me that he would never allow times to become so bad that the memory would creep up of him and his brothers picking through the neighborhood waste bins (and drinking evaporated milk leftovers) the night before trash day because they were starving… I cried for his inner child.

[robertschrader]

This is so true. No matter how much money I have in my bank account, I feel like I’m on the verge of losing everything.

[Metaphysics-for-life]

WHY hasn't ANYONE ELSE seen this???? I am 65, retired, and scared sh*tless because I was too scared to save any money because I was afraid I would lose it all ! I haven't even watched the video yet and just knowing that someone SEES what I have gone through in my life is such a ray of hope, thank you!!

[thecommonsensecapricorn]

I’m so curious why some people with unresolved childhood trauma can find themselves in healthy, secure long term relationships and the rest of us can’t. His upbringing sounds more traumatizing than mine, yet he has his stuff together for the most part..

[ClickUp]

I gambled away my inheritance and left debt and mess behind. Despite of being a hard worker my whole life. My trauma has manifested in many addictions and I find comfort and peace in creative writing. Thank you Anna for your channel! You are truly doing God's work.

[Rain-Ivry]

my hypervigilance shows up when i am cooking. I overcook because i will think i will still be starving and then i end up wasting food because i cooked too much and when i am cooking. I also overbuy food, and i get intrusive thoughts that something will happen and i would have to go back to my childhood home... it is horrible living with the effects of trauma

[thatotherguy]

Marks story is heartbreaking. I'm choking up as I am typing this. When we come into this world we are innocent children. No one should have to go through what Mark went through. He said, financially he's doing ok. I wish Mark the best and hopefully he heals mentally from the trauma he endured as a child. It's hard, I'm 60 and only in the last few years realized the trauma I endured as a kid has DEFINITELY affected my life in so many negative ways. I'm working on it. Thankfully between my wife and 2 grown sons and Grandchildren, I look at things more positive now. Good luck to EVERYONE suffering from childhood trauma. I wish you all well.

[gracecase]

Hypervigilance is a tough one. I am 52 and still in this mode. My parents made enough, but Dad's drinking and showing off with fancy cars, and motorhome, atv's, boats while our power got shut off, let alone "hiding" the motorhome so they cannot re-po it was insane. I remember the bill collectors calling non stop. A house of cards. They retired and us kids had to constantly bail them out of money stuff. I cut the cord of enabling and my siblings quit speaking to me being so "mean" to Dad. It's called a boundary and creating good money habits with my kids. I always feel I never make enough and do I deserve a decent stress free life with money.

[recollectionsofinvisiblechild]

I’m sorry for all the terrible things I’ve read in the comments. I hate y’all had to go through all that. I’m getting better about hyper vigilance. A year ago I was doing room checks before bed, and checking windows in rooms I considered weak spots that criminals would likely use as entry points. I’d check under each bed and look in every closet. My wife called it “checking for monsters.” Around the same time I was out of town at my sister’s place, and as the sun started setting, I became very aware of people walking by, as well as people in other apartments ability to see us inside. She noticed I was terribly uncomfortable, fidgeting and looking around the room for a tactical advantage in case something violent from outside went down. I asked if I could close the blinds. After I did, she said “what’s wrong?” I uncontrollably burst into tears and said, “I have hyper vigilance.” The weird thing is that I have never been in the military, or the victim of sudden violence as an adult. But, decades ago my dad’s brother molested my sisters and several female cousins. When I told my dad what he’d done, he didn’t do anything at all, and my mom yelled at me. I’ve come to the conclusion that since deep inside I realized my parents didn’t have my back, that I developed hyper vigilance to make myself feel safe. That’s my guess.

[sugarpuff]

I am hypervigilant about money and feel like I could just lose it all and my home overnight and it cripples me quite a lot. I grew up with emotionally immature parents and probably being financially stable was the most stability I had. The bullying by my Dad and the enabling of him by my Mum (my Mum treated him like a God) has really damaged me though. I'm nearly 50 years old and it's with me everyday. Things have got better since my Dad passed away last year but I still have trouble relating to my Mum.

[remissao]

Please keep talking about money!! We love (and need) it

[brittanyb]

A lot of people that went thru the Great Depression have this same issue. My grandmother grew up very very poor and became a hoarder when she had money and could buy things. She bought double of triple of the same thing bc she was scared of not having it.

[lightitup]

The thing about losing everything is that after you do, there is nothing left to fear. Honestly there is something liberating about this!

Lost $$, family, health, friends, home, and job.
Have me, lots of alone time to heal, and it is a good thing I can prove to myself I can be there for myself. It IS helping.

People always said I was doing everything right, hang in there, things will get better. They did not.

Even worse is when I am told to reach out for help. Be vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to ask!
Bad ideas!!
It makes the few remaining friends run the other way as fast as possible.

[Kelbel]

Wow your title spoke to me before I even watched the video! I have always taken care of myself. Never married, never lived with anyone else, etc. I never thought of it until recently it’s a trauma response. I’m still scared to death. And my life isn’t perfect, I’m not a millionaire, but I’m still deathly afraid of losing my ability to provide for myself. Thank you. This gives me something to discuss with my therapist. I’m 54 years old. The insanity has to stop at some point. I would like to truly relax for once in my life. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[VintageQuirky-qlhc]

I did EmDR like Anna did and it was very helpful, also neurofeedback was helpful but my break through with hyper vigilance came with prayer and the realization that I had survived the worst and I could again. Fear of what could happen is the trigger to hyper vigilance. You don't need to fear, you know you are a survivor.

[elizabethoneill]

This does resonate with me, (thank you) and probably lots of folks. I attended 7 Elementary schools, 11 schools total graduating at 16. I was bullied at school (and at home) but school was my refuge. My Father passed when I was 13. My siblings & I all moved out by 17. To date I've moved approx. 26 times in 18 cities, 3 states, and 2 countries, across seas, countries & continents too, big moves. All my life, I've had this irrational fear of becoming a "Bag Lady." I also seemed to have a belief that if I unpack all my boxes or hang up all my Art, I'll have to move again. Right now I'm in the process of de-cluttering and organizing, so it's all coming up. This Winter I plan to plant trees across the back fence, putting down roots, (even though I'm still a renter). I still dream of buying a home someday, so I may move once more, hopefully for the last time. EMDR sounds good, thanks for mentioning it. Thanks for your videos, they do help us out here in the world...

[goliathtigerfishes]

A few years ago, my family got to a point where we could be financially stable and secure for, really, the first time in our lives. Then, someone did something stupid and it all got taken away. It feels shameful, embarrassing, and traumatic. I am so glad you uploaded this video because I am still dealing with the fallout.

[PureBloodWNC]

49 y/o male here. Just learning about all this stuff. My system is definitely doing things thta my mind isn't controlling. This video resinates big time. Being ex military, the hyper vigilence is on steroids it seems like.

[ianfeuerhake]

Definitely. I grew up seeing our cars get repossessed, having to quit baseball and bowling because my parents couldn’t afford it, not being able to answer the phone in case it was a bill collector, having to pretend we weren’t home when the paper delivery guy came because we didn’t have his $6.50, getting teased in school for wearing secondhand clothes, hearing my parents fight about money constantly, etc. And I definitely didn’t want to repeat that, especially after having a kid myself. My marriage was doomed regardless, but my financial vigilance didn’t help any