challenging my agoraphobia because my brain is a liar (I'M NOT GIVING UP)

Over the last few years, my fear of leaving my house has grown to the point where I'm rarely going anywhere that isn't my living room. I’ve always been a raging introvert and homebody, but I *haven’t* always been terrified when I need to quickly run to the store. All I want is to get back to the person I was 10 years ago — the person that spontaneously moved to Europe and Australia, went on solo vacations, and went to the movie theaters by myself on the weekends. That version of me feels so far away from who I am today, but I know she's not gone forever.

Recently, I've been doing my best to give myself small challenges so I can slowly overcome this huge mountain of anxiety (partly for me, but mostly for my family...my sons.) I’d be lying if I said it was going well most of the time because, more often than not, it’s a complete disaster. But today was a huge win, and I am so grateful I get to share this with you!

If your anxiety looks anything like mine, just know i'm in this with you. Just keep putting in the reps and hitting singles.

I love you! ♥
— em

/ S U P P O R T

// C O N T A C T

[curlykew]

Can't say I've ever teared up, squealed in joy, shouted 'hooray' for a complete stranger with such gusto as I did watching this video. Your transparency and willingness to do the hard stuff has GOT to be helping so many people, but most most most importantly, YOU WENT TO A BOOKSTORE, BOUGHT BOOKS LOUSY COFFEE!! Do it for you and those babies. But thank you for sharing it all with us so we can find the grit in us to try the hard things too.

[saraloveskids]

You asked an employee?! That is another level of achievement. Congratulations!

[WanderingBee]

I am so sick of hearing "its not that big of deal" from people who have no idea whats going on inside my head.
Keep doing the things. Keep being proud. Because at the end of the day, the only one that'll know how big of a step that was, is you, and that's all that really matters.

[rockkid]

Hi!! I'm a therapist and I just wanted to let you know this is HUGE! Also just a little unsolicited idea for you that you can completely skip over if you'd like but:
Now that you've done this you get to remind yourself next time of how successful you've been even though you were scared. It's not linear but no one can take this time away from you so instead of "it might not always be this good" try to view it as "this time was SO good" also since you are able to match the excitement of other people, now you have this version of yourself who was so excited to have accomplished this that you're bringing around with you everywhere. Try to match her excitement. Not guaranteed to work or anything but just an idea😊 I'm so happy for you

[caropongo]

this video is making me realize I also have agoraphobia and it was such an "aha" moment and explains so much

[whoevenknows]

I know the struggles of agoraphobia way too well. I got it in 2011. I am almost 100% housebound. I could do all the things alone before, travel, go to the movies. But now i cant leave my house unless i am physically hold on to someone or at least see them at all times.

and it is a big deal, to just leave your house. going to the bookstore, thats so big. you really need to be proud of yourself.

i am so proud of you elyse

[lauraclaytor]

This is NOT a small thing. Any time you have to overpower your own brain because even though you KNOW it’s a liar, it is extraordinarily difficult to overcome. This is AMAZING! Well done Elyse!

[BornOfBooks]

3:04 "Even though my mind can't, my body can, so I'm going to let my body do what it can do and let my mind catch up." This is amazing, I need to write this down and frame it to remind myself when I'm afraid to go somewhere ❤

[crawfishpi]

Girl, you have no idea how relatable this is.

My list:
1. Go to the park to sit in the field and read
2. Go to a bookstore
3. Go thrifting
4. Go to the knitting /crochet store
5. Go to a restaurant

and like so many others

[rowsiethemas]

I loved The Midnight Library, I don't think you'll be sad you picked it up. My therapist tells me every time I don't go to the bookstore, the relief I feel is a small dopamine reward toward reinforcing the habit of letting myself off the hook. So good job! Well done! You got your dopamine hit from going! So proud of you.

[avis]

Elyse I sobbed after watching this video. I’ve never related to something more. Knowing someone understands the grief you feel when your world gets smaller because of anxiety… and giving words to what it feels like to admit that you need to make room for it and not hate yourself because of it… it’s humbling and such a relief to know that I’m not alone. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for sharing. You are a gift ❤

[adellaaverill]

Elyse, I have agoraphobia too. I'm so proud of you! We will get there one day! It is a big deal! Honor your accomplishment, big or small, friend.

[allisonvoigt]

With 1k comments I don’t think you will see this, but thank you. Thank you for holding a mirror up for me. Because I am supremely talented at gaslighting myself into believing I am just a terrible mom when I take my kids out alone and my anxiety puts me into a panic. I feel so guilty, but it is because my brain is a big lying liar!!

[Puddlesoup.Creations]

Lately my brain has been telling me my family deserves better, I’m useless, no one wants me around. You saying “my brains a liar” and doing the hard things, gives me hope maybe one day I’ll be okay too. Thank you for sharing your struggles. I feel less alone.

[rv.]

I have anxiety, too. I’m afraid to go to the doctor and just made an appointment yesterday after avoiding it for the past 5 years. Avoidance is the worst part of anxiety for me, so seeing you push yourself to do things that are hard and scary makes me really proud of you. And it helps me want to be brave, too.

[jamiepattison]

"sometimes I worry I'll just be this way forever" ugh! Feel this! I was so sad for years after I started having anxiety, like I had to grieve my old self, would I ever see her again? I do now! I see glimpses of her as I heal, and I also have learned to give myself grace and love myself through this process. You will get there. Proud of you!! 🥰 It's a tiny win for us all 😊

[stacykupzyk]

From one anxiety ridden mom to another good on you! Its amazing the strength our children give us to push ourselves to be better! I want to put out there that even if your boys end up with some of the same mental health issues you have, it is not due to anything you've done. I repeat if your boys end up having anxiety it is NOT YOUR FAULT! As a matter of fact your boys will be lucky to have you to help them if it happens. You're an amazing mom and an inspiration to me.

[helloboldt]

You talk about doing things with people being easier -- this is 100% something I struggle with. I tell people that I can do anything on the second try. But I need someone to do it with the first time. I can go to stores, restaurants, places, etc but I can't do it the first time without a partner to tackle it with. It's like a mental block when I go places and I don't know what I'll encounter. It's so good hearing other people talk about having similar experiences.

[cameron]

You're so allowed to cry. I'm crying. I'm so unbelievably proud of you.

[kellyclose]

I'm 62 and have been fighting my anxiety for years. It got worse after the pandemic when we were told to stay home. So I did and now I find it hard to go out and be around people.
I too have always loved bookstores. Just hanging out in a bookstore with all my new imaginary friends and their stories. I live in a small town with no big bookstores, so I check out the Goodwill if I get the nerve to leave the house.