why you are GASLIGHTING YOURSELF (& how to stop)

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In toxic relationships, it's common to experience self-doubt and feel like you're overreacting or being too needy, leading to a phenomenon known as gaslighting yourself. This internal conflict arises when you start to question your own perceptions and emotions, often because your partner's behavior invalidates your experiences. Constantly overriding your feelings creates a disconnect from your inner truth, making it hard to trust your intuition. Examples of gaslighting yourself include dismissing your hurt feelings after being disrespected or convincing yourself that your needs are unreasonable.

To stop gaslighting yourself, it's essential to establish concrete boundaries. Boundaries serve as a framework for what you will and will not accept in your relationships, helping you to honor your feelings and experiences. Start by identifying the behaviors that make you feel invalidated or unworthy. Clearly define your limits and communicate them assertively. For instance, if your partner dismisses your concerns, calmly express that you need your feelings to be acknowledged. By reinforcing these boundaries, you create a safe space to validate your emotions and experiences, reducing the internal confusion that fuels self-gaslighting.

Learning to trust your intuition again requires consistent practice and self-compassion. When you feel yourself doubting your reactions, pause and reflect on what your instincts are telling you. Write down your thoughts and feelings to gain clarity on your truth. Surround yourself with supportive people who respect your boundaries and validate your experiences. Over time, these practices will help you rebuild trust in yourself, ensuring you no longer accept toxic behavior in romantic relationships. By stopping the cycle of gaslighting yourself, you reclaim your sense of self-worth and foster healthier, more authentic connections.

In my years as a self love coach, I’ve guided my clients from every possible heartbreaking scenario and breakup, and given them the tools they need to heal their trauma and learn the discipline of self love, so they can embody their most true, authentic and confident self!

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[terris]

Thank you! Could you also do something on ruminating. I have finished with a toxic avoidant, and now I just want him out of my head. I tend to ruminate and this doesn’t help.

[ChCh]

This is the best vid on YouTube? Months of therapy compressed. Would like to add that parents’ treatment aren’t the only sources for these feelings, thoughts and behaviours. Pre-school, school, peers, lovers and bullying and also modelling after the parents may influence

[Rebecca-ozuu]

Your videos are so helpful when trying to rebuild self esteem and confidence after experiencing a toxic relationship. Thank you for your great content!

[rhondacarlson]

Thank you! This information is very validating and helpful.

[deborahwilliams]

Hi Amy,
I am friends with an emotionally unavailable man. I have told him that this is not working for me but he won’t leave me alone. I think he is using me to soothe his own attachments. I really am tired of him but I keep letting him Hoover me. Help!!!